I’m 14. How can I explain to my parents that the things I like aren’t a phase? They think the way I dress and the music I like is all a phase but it’s going on since I was 10 or 11. What do I do?

[Answered on Quora.com by Kay Smith]

I'm gonna lay down some grownup perspective, bruh (I dont know if you're a guy or girl, but rest assured, I've called my wife “bruh" on occasion). “Since I was 10,” means 4 years. There are 4 year phases. There are 10 year phases. Everything you like is a phase. You spent the first few years of your life in a “diaper phase.”

I understand the frustration of having something you enjoy minimized because they call it a phase, but there is a serious risk when denying things are just phases. Some people I know fought the “it's just a phase" comments so hard that they never change; never evolve. They continue to be the same person they were when they were 14 just to prove a point. To be honest, everyone sees it and it's kind of pathetic (the person I'm talking about is in her 50's, and she acts like a teen).

Don't worry, though, there is still something you can do about people saying it's “just a phase.” First, divide people into two categories: People that matter and people that don't. Random grownups, school friends, and mild acquaintances don't matter; who cares what they think? Dont try to explain yourself to them. Your parents and loved ones, however, matter and this is how you can explain to them your situation:

Start by explaining that you understand that everything is a phase. People are complex beings and need room to evolve. You understand that, and they shouldn't be afraid of you being stuck in the same phase forever. That being said, you are happy the way you are. This phase is YOUR phase to own it. You know that everyone looks back on their “phases” and are a little embarrassed about them, but you can either look back and feel silly about your phase, or you can look back and resent the people that made you change too early. Ask them to please let you be yourself and, in return, you promise to evolve when YOUR time comes.

Some favored songs heard today

Wilco performing "Impossible Germany" Live on KCRW


National Health "The Bryden 2-Step (For Amphibians) (Part 1)"


Nektar "The Dream Nebula (Part 1)"


Anekdoten "The War Is Over" (official video)


Béla Fleck "Sex in a Pan"



Jeff Beck "Cause We've Ended As Lovers"


Bill Frisell "Pipeline" - This one goes out to my youngsters

What kind of parents cause narcissism?

[Answered on Quora.com by Leslie Randall]

Along with others, I agree that some degree of parental neglect, abuse or abandonment can be involved, but I also think there can be a mismatch between the high emotional needs of the child, and a parent who is already themselves damaged and so unable to give love. Things like narcissism get transmitted down the generations in this way.

Most, and perhaps even all children experience some form of disappointment at the hands of their parents. The important thing is for the child to admit, as they grow up, that they were wounded, and to seek help or do the hard work of processing it. It helps if the parent is able to admit that they have flaws, and unavoidably failed the child in some way.

But the other choice for the child is to decide that they were not hurt, to enter into a state of denial in order to “save the happy appearances” of their upbringing. Being unable to admit the hurt, they can not work on themselves, and instead turn to creating an inflated version of themselves. This is the core of narcissism, and it’s born of a tragedy. Narcissists are unable to look inside, because then they would have to face the wounds and they are just not strong enough to do it. So they take a shortcut that makes them strangers to their own inner life - out of touch with themselves, their true nature, and also unable to empathize with the wounds of others.

I feel sorry for narcissists. Therapy is so painful for them that they avoid it at all costs. I don’t know why they make the choice they do to deny their own inner hurt. But I also avoid them, as they are like a black hole when it comes to giving love. There isn’t any there to give.

I speak from experience - my mother had narcissistic personality disorder, and I managed to marry a narcissist and stayed with him for 32 years. That’s because I am the daughter of a narcissist, and that is a whole other story. However I am here to say you can break away, and you can find real love at any point in your life. I did it at age 58.

Beautifully Broken - Sossity; You're A Woman

Gov't Mule "Beautifully Broken"


Wayne Krantz "Sossity; You're A Woman"

Trait Thirteen (from daily ACA email)

We felt like we were stark raving mad. We couldn't see what was happening to ourselves because we were so focused on controlling others and feeling their feelings for them. Or maybe we tried to shut others down because we didn't want to see or hear anything about feelings that would make us uncomfortable. It was a never-ending cycle of abandonment of ourselves and our Inner Child. But we were used to it; we didn't know any better.

Slowly, we learned to let ourselves be present in the moment. It wasn't easy. We watched as our sponsors and others with more emotional sobriety modeled what change looked like. We soaked it up. It was the best education we ever had - better than anything we learned or could have learned in school. We found something that could truly transform the world.

As we let go of our grandiosity, we saw that we could change ourselves if we were willing. We finally began to understand and believe that we were powerless over others and the choices they made. It was a great relief.

On this day I will keep my side of the street clean and let others take care of themselves. I will shun attempts to pull me back into that never-ending cycle of dysfunction I came from.

What are some indicators of mild autism in adults who may not be aware of their condition?

[Answered on Quora.com by Gundy Kaupins]

The subtle signs all can be found in the American Psychiatric Associations DSM-V definition of autism.

Here is a list of some of the signs.

1. Intense interests in subjects such as different types of barn doors.

2. Liking routines and resisting changes in them.

3. Having social difficulties with understanding gestures and maintaining eye contact.

4. Violating conversational rules such as telling unfiltered truth. “Did you know that he looked drunk last night.” This statement is made about a student in a math class.

5. Literal thinking. This makes it more difficult to follow directions if the directions seem ambiguous, have gaps, and incorporate unspoken assumptions.

6. Being sensitive to too much light or sound. Having two people talking loudly nearby might drive this person batty.

7. Stimming. Having unexplained twitches, for example.


These are just a few of possible symptoms of mild autism. No one needs to show all of them to prove there is mild autism. As the mantra in the autism counseling and research world states—-every autistic person is different.

What is the "INFJ dark side"?

[Answered on Quora.com by Emmy Boden]

Being an INFJ is wonderful because they see the world in a way that others don’t. Unfortunately, because they feel misunderstood, it’s a breeding ground for unhealthy personality traits.

1. They Think They’re Superior
This trait shows up often in people who have only recently discovered their INFJ type. It’s pretty normal for INFJs to feel misunderstood in early life because so few people are actually similar to them. When they finally do discover that there’s an answer for all their confusion, they can swing too far the other direction and start believing that they are the BEST empaths, the BEST personality type, the MOST insightful. They start looking down on “commoners” (other more common personality types) and give off an air of pretension and snobbery (not very empathic or insightful, to be honest).

2. They Can Be Out of Touch With Reality
When INFJs are in a Ni-Ti loop, they get so fixated on theorising about the future and keeping to themselves that they lose touch with the human condition and the real world around them. When INFJs are in a loop they become stuck in analysis-paralysis. Other signs of a loop include:

Combatively using intelligence to prove self-worth Being cynical and critical of themselves and others Claiming to be self-aware, but being incapable of honesty about their own feelings Blindness to their own emotional dysfunction Difficulty processing own emotions. May blow up prematurely, only to regret it later. Isolating themselves excessively – cancelling plans and being unreliable in relationships Being clumsy and/or oblivious more often than not

3. They Can Be People-Pleasers
INFJs crave harmonious, positive interactions with people. Conflict is anathema to them, and they hate the feeling of letting anyone down. Because INFJs are so driven to help others and to create a positive sense of morale, they can have a hard time saying no or setting strong boundaries. Being in the midst of conflict situations and letting their voice be heard can also be a trial for them. They may be guarded, burned-out, or taken advantage of by others because of their more compliant nature.

4. Can Look Down On Others as “Shallow”
INFJs are so focussed on the big picture and understanding the grand scheme of things that they can be condescending or patronising to types that prioritise a moment-to-moment focus. They may pretentiously shrug off the concerns of others, seeing them as trivial, unimportant, or silly. It can be difficult for them to connect with others if they are too fixated on how they are different from others, rather than seeing the strengths of other perspectives.

5. They Can Get Stuck In Inertia
INFJs are fixated on patterns, trends, and timing. Before they act on something, they want to know the long-term implications of that decision. It’s important for them to analyse many different perspectives before they take action. While this CAN be a good thing, it can also be a roadblock to productivity. Some INFJs get so fixated on getting their timing just right, and making their plan absolutely flawless, that they never take action or they miss an opportunity.

6. When Stressed, They Can Be Reckless and Hedonistic
INFJs experiencing “grip stress” (when INFJs are experiencing chronic stress or sudden, extreme stress, they may fall into the grip of their inferior function; Extraverted Sensing. This isn’t your everyday normal stress either, the stress has to be pretty intense or lengthy to push an INFJ to this point.) They can become uncharacteristically pleasure-seeking, impulsive, and self-destructive. They may binge-eat, drink excessively, or chase after sensory pleasures. Some INFJs find more constructive ways to deal with grip stress – they may exercise, frantically clean, or listen to loud music as a way of coping.

7. They Can Be Stubborn And Single-Minded To A Fault
INFJs are fixated on narrowing down their options to one most ideal option for their life. They spend a lot of time analysing and theorising until they choose their direction, but when they decide they’re nearly impossible to sway in another direction. It’s as if their body just goes into autopilot to fulfil the needs of their vision. INFJs can procrastinate A LOT, but when they have a crystallised vision, they are nearly unstoppable. While this can be good, it can also make them absolutely immovable when alternate suggestions are made. They may push ahead frantically to achieve their vision, even at the cost of their health, relationships, or well-being.

8. They May Think Everyone Hates Them
Most people in the world feel misunderstood at times. However, INFJs in particular, have a hard time finding people who truly “get” them. They often struggle to communicate their ideas and visions because so few people process information the same way they do. Their intuition is introverted in nature, so their ideas and insights are often seen as symbols or pictures inside their mind. Trying to express those ideas and images can be a struggle, and they frequently get shrugs or confused reactions rather than acceptance or curiosity. As a result, many INFJs are highly self-critical and may even feel that there is something wrong with them mentally. They may keep their inner world a secret and feel afraid to open up to anyone.

9. They’re Unyielding Perfectionists
INFJs tend to get detailed, nuanced pictures in their mind of how they want their projects to look. They are visionaries with idealistic dreams and standards. This means that they can always be better, their projects can always be more perfect, and they feel a compulsion to keep growing and being better versions of themselves. While personal growth is a good thing, if it leads to a ceaseless dissatisfaction with one’s self it can become damaging. INFJs need to take time to appreciate “good enough” and rest, rather than pushing and punishing themselves to a point of burn-out and chronic dissatisfaction.

10. They Can Become Co-Dependent
Because INFJs tend to be natural givers, it can be easy for them to feel responsible for other people’s feelings. Naturally empathetic, they tune into the emotional wavelengths around them and try to keep them in a state of harmony. Unfortunately, this can lead to co-dependency.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
They use their personality type as an excuse to continue unhealthy behaviours.

EDIT: For those commenting on this post with feelings of hurt or anyone who feels offended, do note that NO person in this world is perfect, and while INFJ personality types are pretty amazing, we are not exempt. Often, our environment and inability to grow as a person can compound our weaknesses, turning us into an unhealthy INFJ. The good news is that once you’re able to admit and work on your weaknesses, you can turn them into strengths, but first, you need to know what traits are holding you back in life.

If you aren’t sure whether you are a healthy (or balanced) INFJ or an unhealthy one, evaluate your reaction to the points above… It may be a good indicator of where you are on the scale. If you have some unhealthy INFJ traits, one of them could be that you take things way too personally, which could make you resistant to constructive criticism and any type of feedback.

What are good room ideas for kids with autism?

[Answered on Quora.com by Audrey Kranbuhl]

Really it just depends on the person and what their needs are. Here are some of the things I have in my room that help me though:

Window tint: my bedroom window is facing where the sun rises. I’m sensitive to bright/harsh lights, so I recently put-up window tint to help soften the light that comes in. (It’s also reflective so it helps keep some heat out.)

An oil diffuser: One of my biggest sensory issues is strong smells. So, having some softer scents that I enjoy in my room help me calm down and feel safe. (For me, those scents are vanilla and pumpkin spice.)

A weighted blanket: It help w DPT, calming me down, and helping me sleep at night.

My own room: Now this might not be possible for everyone, but having my own room gives me a space where I can demask and recharge w/o having to worry about other people.

No alarm clocks: The sound of alarms in the morning is a huge sensory issue for me. Now, I homeschool so if I end up sleeping in a bit it’s not that big of a deal.

Stuffed animals: Most of my stuffed animals I’ve had since childhood and they’re very sentimental to me. But they also help calm me down in a sensory overload or anxiety attack.

Softer colors: My room doesn’t really have any super bright colors or led lights in it. (Save for some of my art that I’ve hung up.) This helps my room feel cozier and safer, and it’s less overstimulating.

That’s all I can think of rn.

I hope this helps!

What do psychologists think but keep to themselves about depressed people?

[Answered on Quora.com by Lisa Ike]

As a mental health therapist and with 2 years under my belt, I have discovered a consistent theme among my clients who struggle with depression and much other outstanding forms of mental ailments. I can say most of my clients experiencing depression care less about themselves and magnify attention on other individuals or material possessions. This has inadvertently served as their distractor as they worry less about their problems and see less of their self-destruction. The tangibles, the drama, the relationship have prevented them from addressing the provocation of their illness insofar they are unaware they suffer from depression until voiced by others.

Depression serves as their protect shield. Once they’ve reached this melancholic stage, the blows of life are no longer as strong for they expect only the worst of all possibilities. They have relinquished all efforts to try and seek a greater good. “Why try?” is always the question asked. The thing is, it’s quite simple to maintain this state of inactivity once you’ve accepted this as your reality.

It’s quite difficult waking up to the unexpected and flowing with the waves of life. It’s quite challenging placing a smile to blend with the masses after recovering from a heartbreak. It’s quite laborious engaging in robotic transactions for a paycheck that solely covers rent and alternate basic needs. It’s quite challenging living day by day with effortless ease and calmness when the world has persistently ridiculed your authenticity and banned you from their social circle of honor.

Letting go of life and themselves is the route many of my clients have decided to take in order to cope with the unbalance of their life. The majority could care less of the road ahead and at times, would rather forgo any path that propels them to vitality. They have settled in this state and feel no need to experience the zest of life, for life has failed them.

Edit: I have reviewed the comments of this response and vaule the opinions shared by others. It is quite easy speaking from our personal standpoint and feeling angered when our experience is not ‘accurately’ stated. I thrive on learning and wish to continue this journey as I work with my clients and read your feedback.

I would like to state: my response was SOLELY based on observations of my clients. It is by no means a general assessment, my personal perspective or my attempt to cure depression. My thought exactly is: “I hope I can shift their life outlook and allow in a positive view.” I hope we can continue to engage in productive dialogue. Thanks!

Hey Trump

How does your genitalia compare to that of Arnold Palmer? You did not elucidate.

Democracy died in plain sight

[Written by Drew Magary of SFGate]

Donald Trump was elected president again last night. After being voted out of office in 2020. After trying to rig the vote and then to overthrow the government by force in the wake of that loss. After all but welcoming a pandemic that ended up killing more than a million of us. After ripping away abortion care rights from millions of American women. After being impeached, twice. After being convicted of multiple felonies. After dogging it on the campaign trail, playing to emptying halls while speaking in demented tongues unknown even to him. After all of that, and God knows what else, we have to do this s—t all over again.

There are a lot of dirty hands involved in this. I can blame the Senate, which declined to convict in either of Trump’s impeachments. I can blame a cowed mainstream media. I can blame the internet. I can blame a judiciary that now deserves to be burned to the ground. I can blame voter suppression and intimidation. I can blame Democrats. I can blame Joe Biden. I can blame Republicans. I can blame the youth voters (et tu, children?). I can blame Elon. I can blame Florida. I can blame them all, and I’d have facts on my side in every instance.

But honestly, what does it matter? My fellow Americans, and they feel so distant right now, watched Trump infect them all with his greasy feels and said, “Thank you, sir, may I have another?” That’s the cold, awful truth I’m left to stew in this morning, and many mornings thereafter.

In fact, Americans were so hyped for four more years of this s—t that Trump won last night in a walk. He carried the popular vote too, so I can’t even blame the Electoral College this time around. Trump told Americans that he wanted to rule them with a clammy fist, and they liked the idea. They liked it so much that they passed on electing a woman president for the second time in eight years. It’s that simple, that cruel, that lazy, and that irrevocable.

I can try to divine a why to all of this. Is it because America has always been this irrational and hateful? Is it because millions of Americans hated Trump but still voted for him anyway because they were simply sick of telling him no? Is it because God? Millions of thoughtful words will be written in a collective attempt to divine the answer, but none of them will be sufficient. Not when the pain is this acute. This lasting.

I believed that Vice President Kamala Harris would trounce the former president last night. She said and did all of the right things. She tapped perhaps the world’s most genuine sports dad to be her running mate. She was on the side of goodness and normalcy, and Democrats, myself among them, assumed that Trump’s open calls to end democracy would turn off all freedom-loving Americans. I wanted to believe that. I had to believe that, because it appealed to my own better nature and because who wants final confirmation that they live among monsters? So I went into Election Day full of excitement, rather than dread. This wasn’t 2016. Everyone knew Trump’s deal and everyone, women especially, had suffered immensely under his previous administration. Surely that would be enough, I figured. Anyone who thought otherwise was just a doomer trying to s—t in the punchbowl. But they were trying to warn me, and I was too blinded by imaginary good vibes to heed them. Now I feel stupid, because I should. I also feel depressed, because I should.

Mostly, I feel tired. I’d spent the past decade angry, and was ready to finally get on with my life in a more normal America. I’d joined the fight and given mightily to it, giving myself permission to assume that my efforts would pay off. This isn’t how life works. It’s never been how life has worked. You do your best, and you take comfort in that because your best is never a guarantee of victory, not even when your opponent campaigns by dancing around to ABBA while his colleagues stare at him uneasily.

I can’t take comfort in those efforts right now, not with such a grotesque future world in the offing. If you voted for Harris last night, you understand my feelings innately, and have probably been stewing in them since the LAST time we put this deranged asshole in charge of things. There’s a chance that Trump’s attempt at remaking the government in his image will still fail. As of this writing, Democrats still have a chance to win back the House once all of the votes have been counted. And Trump’s last presidency showed that, even when he’s been gifted immense power, he’s still too rash and too stupid to actually make good on his darkest threats. But that’s thin gruel to subsist on right now, because my fellow Americans did this. They wanted this, and I’ll never again take it as a given that they’re a good and kind people. The cost is too high.

Can someone have both anxious and dismissive attachment?

[Answered on Quora.com by Melody Thomas]

https://qr.ae/p26OpH

Premiata Forneria Marconi "Peninsula"

Premiata Forneria Marconi "Appena Un Po'"

Via di qua, via di qua
[Get out of here, get out of here]
Come un re, via di qua
[Like a king, get out of here]
Subito come vorrei
[Immediately, as I would like]
Partirei, correrei
[I would leave, I would run]
Verso un'altra verità
[Towards another truth]
Ci credessi, uh, però
[I would believe it, uh, though]
Basterebbe, solo che partirei
[It would be enough, except that I would leave]
Via di qua, via di qua
[Get out of here, get out of here]
Tu du du, tu du du
Subito, via di qua
[Now, get out of here]
In un altra realtà
[In another reality]
Ritrovarmi, uh, però
[Finding myself, uh, though]
Per vedere spazio davanti a me
[To see space in front of me]
Via di qua, via di qua (tu du du)
[Get away from here, get away from here (tu du du)]
Subito via di qua
[Get out of here right now]

When did you realize exactly who your son or daughter really was?

[Answered on Quora.com by Norman Plume]

My daughter said, “Mama” and “Papa” right on time, but didn’t say much more than that. For about 6 months after, she said almost nothing. She would say Mama to her her mother’s attention, Papa to get mine, Yes, No (a whole lotta “NO!”), and a couple of other words.

One day, when she was about 17 months old, we were at one of those “All you can eat” restaurants. We offered her some soup, and she said, “NO!” We put the soup in front of her, and sat down to eat our stuff. A busboy came over to remove a layer of dirty dishes and my quiet little daughter said, “Excuse me, could you please take this soup too?” After that, we couldn’t shut her up.

We realized at this point we had a little girl who was VERY smart, Very polite, and wouldn’t do ANYTHING until she could do it well.

Gong

I get an extra piece of marzipan today, because I didn't freak the eff out

I was gifted a box of marzipan on a recent gifting occasion - and I've been alloting myself one piece of marzipan per day.
This stretches out the timing of the pleasure [-in-one-item].

I made a verbal contract with myself, before today began, that if I didn't freak the eff out today, I could get an extra piece of marzipan in the evening: an unexpected time!

Today was a special day for me, in that it's an anniversary of a life-changing event.

In the end, I "earned" my extra piece of marzipan today ... if one can earn an extra piece of marzipan, on any day.

Nektar "It's All In The Mind"

How do you stay in a relationship with someone who barely talks?

[Answered on Quora.com by Alex Williams]

Staying in a relationship with someone who barely talks can be challenging, but here are some tips to help:

Be patient: Understand that not everyone is comfortable with communication. Give them time to open up.

Encourage conversation: Ask open-ended questions to help them share more about their thoughts and feelings.

Create a safe space: Make them feel comfortable expressing themselves without judgment.

Share your thoughts: Lead by example and share your own feelings, encouraging them to reciprocate.

Find alternative ways to connect: Engage in activities together, like watching movies or playing games, to bond without needing a lot of conversation.

Communicate your needs: Let them know that you value communication and discuss how you can both improve it.

What is the biggest life lesson you have ever learned?

[Answered on Quora.com by Sean Kernan]

I’ll probably never be as successful as my dad and I’m perfectly OK with that.

If anything I’m proud of him. At one point he was overseeing a $50 billion annual budget as Undersecretary of Defense. The dude earned his Wikipedia page.

My father is also an excellent case study. He is certainly very smart. But it wasn’t like he was always the smartest guy in the room. In fact, he was keenly aware when he wasn’t. Yet many of my dad’s peers, who were smarter on paper, fell way short of his success.

Why? It’s mainly because of his people skills and his diligence. He is an excellent listener. He knows how to dial in and pick up on what is important. He is also conscientious and very ethical. He treats people equally regardless of their position.

I’d say if anything, my dad’s superpower is the ability to size people up quickly and judge their character.

He has a special distaste for self-serving people, which is probably because of his career with SEAL teams, where teamwork is a religion.

This is where many highly intelligent people fail. They lack the soft skills, the ability to relate with many types of people.

Cliche as it sounds, many gifted people also have an underlying arrogance they mask. Business textbooks are filled with case studies of executives’ careers being destroyed by pride. My girlfriend is a college professor and complains constantly about the incessant egos at academic conferences.

And to be fair, I can’t totally blame them. When a person is told from birth that they are brilliant, and their test scores affirm that praise, and they live in a world that prizes intelligence — it is probably hard to stay 100% humble.

No matter how talented you are, remember you are dealing with human beings in your career. Success isn’t a MENSA test. Soft skills matter—bigtime.

Be nice to the secretary.

Here are some of our favorite "childless cat ladies" of art history

https://news.artnet.com/art-world/childless-cat-ladies-art-history-2522337

Is it true that hurt people hurt people? Why?

[Answered on Quora.com by Dushka Zapata]

If someone hurts me, it affects the way I perceive the world. My sense of safety and my sense of trust have been impacted. I become increasingly uncertain, anxious and angry.

Now, my anger and my anxiety run my life. I feel I need to manage everything around me to avoid being hurt again.

I do things in an attempt to keep myself safe: I am controlling, exacting, demanding, afraid, defensive. I find it hard to trust. I often perceive things as a threat, even when they are not.

I become suspicious of kindness, of happiness, of peace.

Blame keeps me trapped. “It’s not my fault. I hurt people because others hurt me”.

Self-awareness is the first step out. “I think I am hurting others with my pain.”

Taking responsibility is freedom. “I need to figure out how to work on myself so that I learn how to create healthy relationships, so I can stop hurting others and so I can learn how to stop hurting myself”.

Why can schizophrenic people pick out psychopathic people so easily?

[Answered on Quora.com by Franklin Veaux]

There’s a fascinating experiment I learned about in one of my cognitive science classes in uni. It went like this:

Start with a big wheel that has a whole bunch of buttons around the edge, and a button in the center. The buttons around the edge are all numbered, but not necessarily in any particular order; the numbers might look random, like 22, 6, 108, 49, 3 ... whatever.

Anyway, in addition to the buttons, there are also two lights, a red light and a green light.

This does have to do with your question, I promise. I’m getting to that.

The experimenter brings a test volunteer into the room with the wheel and says “this is a test of learning and mathematical reasoning.” That’s a lie, of course.[1] It’s actually an experiment about how people form internal models of the real world.

The experimenter says “There is a pattern to the numbers on the wheel. Your job is to figure out the pattern. Press any two buttons with numbers on them, then press the button in the middle. If those two numbers are related, the green light will come on, if they’re not, the red light will come on. We want to see if you can figure out the pattern.”

Now here’s the sneaky part:

The numbered buttons? They’re fake. They don’t do anything. There is no pattern. When you push the button in the middle, the red light and green light come on randomly.

It’s set up so that you do the experiment in four trials.

The first trial: The green light comes on 20% of the time, chosen at random.

The second trial: The green light comes on 50% of the time, chosen at random.

The third trial: Disaster! The green light never comes on. No matter what numbers you push you always get red.

The fourth trial: Triumph! The green light always comes on, no matter what buttons you push.

Now here’s the interesting thing:

After the experiment is over, you explain that there is no pattern. The buttons with the numbers are fake. They don’t do anything. They aren’t even hooked up.

And the weird part is, almost every test volunteer you do this to will refuse to believe you. They’ll call you a liar. They’ll say you’re lying because they outsmarted you and figured out the pattern, so you’re lying to them because you’re angry that they ruined your experiment.[2] They’ll get angry at you. They’ll run out of the room. They’ll refuse to believe you even if you take the wheel apart and show them that the numbered buttons are fake. They’ll refuse to believe you even if you push the middle button over and over and show them the pattern of lights.

Once our brains have learned something through trial and error, we will hang onto that pattern we’ve deduced even in the face of absolutely overwhelming evidence that we are wrong.

Okay, so what does this have to do with your question?

Most people who go through this experiment refuse to accept the truth. They become so fixated on their own cleverness, so obsessed with their own skill, so proud of having figured out the pattern, that they cannot accept they were fooled.

They will actually believe the experimenter is lying to them before they accept that there was no pattern to figure out. They will actually reject the evidence of their own eyes, seeing fake buttons that aren’t attached to anything, before they accept that there was no pattern to figure out.

There is one group of people, however, who do not do this:

Paranoid schizophrenics.

Paranoid schizophrenics, as a group, almost always figure out there is no pattern and the numbers don’t mean anything before the experimenter explains it to them. They go through the trials, and at the end, when the green light always comes on, they say “this is bullshit, you’re fucking with me, the numbers don’t mean diddly, those buttons don’t do anything.”

Paranoia is the hypertuned hypothesis that everyone you encounter has an agenda against you and is trying to deceive you.

So. Why can people with paranoid schizophrenia pick out psychopaths so easily?

I’m not actually convinced that they can. It might simply be that a stopped watch is right twice a day. If you believe that everyone is a psychopath, you’ll have a 100% success rate identifying psychopaths…and a 100% false positive rate on non-psychopaths.

However, having said that ...

There is one difference. Most people who believe they have figured out a pattern will keep trying the pattern over and over, and each green light becomes more “proof” that they are right.

A person who believes everyone is trying to trick or deceive them doesn’t do this.

A normal person who thinks that the numbers 101 and 22 go together will push 101 and 22, then when the green light comes on, say “Aha! I was right!”

A paranoid schizophrenic who thinks the numbers 101 and 22 go together will push 101 and 87, looking for a red light ... because they want to see if you’re pulling a fast one on them, so if the green light comes on, they’ll know that the experiment is a lie.

So they press 101 and 87, sure enough the green light comes on, and aha! They’ve got you. They’ve figured out you’re deceiving them.

In other words, they aren’t testing the hypothesis “there is a pattern to the numbers and I’ve figured it out.” They’re testing the hypothesis “this whole experiment is a setup and you’re trying to deceive me.”

This goes to a core part of the scientific method: falsifiability.

Why did it take so long in human history for science as a formal system to be invented?

Because human beings are wired, for evolutionary reasons outside the scope of this answer, to look for evidence that the things we believe are right, not that the things we believe are wrong.

But not even a thousand positive results can “prove” something is right, whereas it only takes one negative result to prove something is wrong. The best way to be sure is to try as hard as you can to prove that the things you believe are false, to throw everything you can into finding evidence that what you believe is wrong.

The more your ideas resist being proven wrong, the more confidence you can put in them.

Most people won’t do this. Most people can’t do this. If they think they’ve spotted a pattern, most people will only look at positive correlations that seem to confirm the pattern. (This is the classic mistake conspiracy theorists make.) People don’t want to be proven wrong.

But if you start with the idea that everyone you meet is trying to deceive you, you look for deception everywhere, even in what the experimenter, or the experiment, is telling you.

If you believe everyone is a psychopath, you see psychopaths everywhere.

[1] In many, many psychological experiments, the description of the experiment given to the test subject is a lie. Often, you’re trying to study behaviors that people do unknowingly. The description you give people can’t tell them what you’re looking for if you try to study something people do unconsciously, so you give them some other description as a smokescreen.

[2] Most of the time, most experimental ethics review boards require experimenters to disclose the real purpose of the test. It is very, very common for people who’ve volunteered for a psychological study to come away from it believing “I ruined the experiment because of my cleverness.” If you ever talk to anyone who volunteered for a psychology experiment and they say “yeah, I ruined the experiment,” what they mean was “I don’t know what the experiment was about and when the experimenter told me, I refused to believe it.”

Are high-functioning autistic individuals more likely to take things personally?

[Answered on Quora.com by Dr. Natalie Engebrecht]

Than whom? I assume that it means ‘take things more personally than NTs.’

One mistaken understanding about people with ASD in general is that we are low in emotions. But the truth is that we are INCREDIBLY sensitive. Furthermore our sensory issues result in a greater capacity to get dramatically hurt and upset. One way that our nervous system copes is to become alexithymic, which makes it difficult at times for us to know that we are having an emotion to even though we are. A good example is last weekend when I was upset, my mind did not feel upset but I had the symptoms of a heart attack (I was having a physical panic attack).

Another—perhaps more dramatic—example was at Christmas time when my older son made a joke. I have two Buddha statues at my work as part of the decorations for my meditation classes. He said: “I though Buddhists were one with everything, not have one of everything”. He had told the joke to my younger son who has a greater tendency to understand me, and my younger son said: “Don’t say that to mom, she won’t find it funny”. Nonetheless my older son could not resist. I remember sitting at the table and him saying it. My younger son told me later he knew that trouble was coming because the left side of my mouth twitched and my fingers moved briefly. At the time I did not get upset. But I started obsessing, and feeling really upset. I felt that it was an unfair statement. I am very very minimalistic. I have four sets of clothes, one lipstick etc. So my brain could not make sense of it. By the evening I had taken a number of my things and put them in garbage bags (20 in total) and had a fire in a garbage bin burning other things in the backyard.

So yes, I would say that I am more sensitive than most people in certain circumstances. If it is not a personal comment about me, I have far more resilience and less emotional reactivity than other people. I am able to listen to devastating trauma histories my patients share with deep empathy for them, without getting dysregulated. Basically I do not like things that feel unfair to me. If a comment makes sense then I am not overly sensitive, but fairness and logic are very important to me regarding myself. I am also sensitive about people who know me well saying things that are untrue about me. For example I don’t lie, I approach the world and people in a kind and caring way, and I am non-judgemental. If a person that knows me well accuses me of one of those things then I can get very agitated.

Recent research by Henry and Kamila Markram of the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology in Lausanne, suggests that the fundamental problem in autism-spectrum disorders is not a social deficiency but, rather, a hypersensitivity to experience, which includes an overwhelming fear response[1]. Known as Intense World Syndrome, it is suggested that the core challenge in ASD is hyper-reactivity and hyper-plasticity of neuronal circuits which leads to hyper-perception, hyper-attention, and hyper-memory. This results in the world being painfully intense when the neocortex is affected, and aversive when the amygdala is affected, resulting in social and environmental withdrawal. Due to the fact that the brain is plastic and the brain of people with ASD is believed to be very rapid at learning it is believed that this hypersensitivity results in the individual creating a small repertoire of secure behavioural routines which they obsessively repeat in order to feel safe.

Instead of people with AS or HFA lacking in empathy we empathize too much. What looks like a lack of empathy or coldness to the outside world is actually a response to being overwhelmed by emotion. We have an excess not a lack. People who live with or are friends with people with AS will attest to this. This theory suggests that the social difficulties of this with AS/HFA result from an attempt to cope with the world where the volume on all of our senses and feelings have been turned up to 10++.

My mirror-emotion synesthesia makes things more intense for me. I feel what other people are feeling. it is really helpful for my work, but can really be too much when being around people. Furthermore, things my autistic friends get upset about make sense to me. They are logical. But things neurotypicals get mad about can really frustrate me and I feel responsible for them. I want everyone to be happy and no-one to suffer. So in my personal life that becomes a lot and I keep my circle small to prevent being overwhelmed.

Research finds that people with AS have hyper-memories but lack the normal extinction of fear that NTs exhibit. Basically in ASD the brain amplifies fear memories and then generalizes the fear to other stimulus configurations. This results in anything being similar to the original fear becoming frightening also, and the fear of stimuli being exaggerated. Furthermore, research shows that these fears are persistent in people with ASD due to impairments in extinction (the tendency for a stimulus to become neutral after no danger occurs); this results in the fears not being able to dissipate and a circular obsession occurring that runs the fear over and over in the person’s mind, preventing them from using their logical brain. Essentially the person goes into a flight/fight state, without a way to escape from it.

So on both a personal level, yes I am more sensitive and also on a research level people with HFA or AS take things more personally.

For more information on (high-functioning) ASD, have a look at: Embrace Autism
A blog about quantitative- and qualitative research on autism, by Dr. Natalie Engelbrecht ND RP and Eva Silvertant.
Footnotes:
[1] The Intense World Syndrome – an Alternative Hypothesis for Autism

Jim Croce "I got a name"

The song "I got a name" by Jim Croce meant ever-so-much to me when I was 10 years old.

Is Hypervigilance a common experience for everyone?

[Answered on Quora.com by Antonieta Contreras]

There are terms that are coined to describe specific dysfunctions or patterns of behavior associated with certain conditions, such as anxiety disorders or trauma.

Hyper-vigilance specifically refers to an exaggerated state of alertness where individuals are constantly scanning their environment for potential threats or dangers.

Sometimes these terms as used as generalizations, without adhering to the real meaning of the word and concept - but they shouldn’t. Hyper-vigilance is one of those terms that indicate a serious issue.

Being hyper-vigilant is dysfunctional because it implies a persistent focus on finding potential threats or reasons to be worried, consuming significant amounts of the brain’s energy budget. This allocation can hinder other important cognitive functions from operating optimally and may be damaging your overall well-being.

Therefore, the answer is NO, hyper-vigilance is not a common experience in healthy individuals. If it has become common for you, it suggests that your brain may be in survival mode or heading towards it, possibly due to experiencing something traumatic previously that you have not been able to resolve. If that’s the case, your brain is attempting to protect you from perceived danger that may not be happening. That’s very detrimental.

If you live in a hyper-vigilant state, it's crucial not just to cope but to actively find ways to regulate your nervous system and reduce the activation of brain centers that perceive threat or danger and are causing you to be hyper-vigilant. Otherwise, your system will keep working ineffectively due to keeping a state of being excessively alert, and at some point, you may develop symptoms and eventually, a mental disorder.

If someone has been masking their autistic traits for a long time, how do they know who the real them is?

[Answered on Quora.com by Carla Heisten]

I didn’t.

When I became a widow, I realized I had no earthly idea what I wanted. I was devoid of knowing my desires, wishes or anything about myself. It was like I had given my everything and all to others all my life because that is what my narcissistic mother taught me to do.

I began a search with healers and did a deep dive into my own psychology to figure out who I was. The process of individuating during the last 10 years has led me to learn last year that I am not only autistic but also ADHD. It explained everything, all the bullying, not fitting in, the struggles to communicate…everything finally fell into place.

It’s taken a lot of time, tears and struggles to get to this place and no matter how many years I have left now it was worth it to find the real me.

I believe we all mask somewhat, and in certain circumstances. I mean you have to put on a face in some situations, right? Learning that is a basic skill for most people. As an autistic person I had to learn to do that all the time to be accepted by my parents. So it was like constantly not being able to be me. The person I really am was rejected early on by my parents. I deeply believed my very survival was at stake, that I would be unable to live on my own, and that my parents would not care for me unless they continued to liked me. I felt I would be discarded if I didn’t fit their version of “good”. They were not able to accept the behaviors that came naturally to me so I hid a lot. I would go to my room and spend my time where they couldn’t see me. Mostly all I was doing was making things or reading or just playing quietly. When I got older I did homework, practiced my violin and drew pictures.

Honestly I may never know who I am in some ways. I’m 66 and it’s a little late to explore some things I might have when younger. I have done a lot of different things in my life for sure. I’ve had MANY careers and jobs trying to fit. Never got fired, but always moved on either due to my own choice or circumstances outside my control like a company closing or running out of work.

I’ve done some offbeat things too…like I had a Harley of my own at a time when very few women rode their own motorcycle.

I have experienced divorce and was widowed twice. I went to school and got a degree in machine tool tech then I went to school again to become a massage therapist. I was a professional photographer. I worked in factories, in a nursing home, newspapers, and wood mills to name a few.

All those years I struggled and never fit in no matter how hard I tried.

I didn’t have a super happy time growing up or in the years afterwards. I struggled and couldn’t figure out why everyone else seemed to have it so easy. Although I have had a lot of interesting experiences I wouldn’t wish my life on anyone really.

I am now learning to know who I am when I feel centered, grounded and comfortable in myself. I also know who I am when I melt down, freeze or can’t speak. I now know why that happens and that there are others similar to me in the world. I am happier now than I used to be…knowing more every day about what I truly do like, want, desire and just who I am in this world.

Now when I need to do something to regulate my system, or not do something, I know why it is that I make this choice. I used to be the weird one, the odd strange alien person who never wanted to do this or that…because it was too much for me. I thought I was broken.

Now I know that it’s not that I am “wrong” but that my brain works differently. I was always baffled because I had no idea others actually saw the world in a totally different way. Just knowing there is an actual reason, and that other people really don’t understand how my brain works, just knowing makes all the difference.

Finding the real me has been a journey. I know myself more and more each day. It’s been a self-awareness awakening for me that will continue.

I hope that answer helps.

Are OCD intrusive thoughts real?

[Answered on Quora.com by Karl Martin]

They are the opposite of who you really are. What is happening is the fear center of your brain, the amygdala, is malfunctioning or misfiring, sending you an anxiety spike by mistakenly warning you that you are in danger of the thought. When anxiety happens, your brain then tries to solve the question of this thought. You tell yourself, "Wait a minute, that’s not me, that’s bullshit". Your brain will then again test you with the thought. Because the amygdala is primal and cannot be reasoned with, it fires another anxiety spike, perhaps bigger than the first one, warning you that you are in danger of the thought. It gets stronger because you flagged it as important by reacting to it. Trying to solve the thought starts to create a loop where you get the thought as a test. You then repel from the thought. Your amygdala responds because you have shown it that it is correct for sending you the anxiety, by your actions of avoiding and questioning the thought, as well as your severe non-acceptance of this thought. Since the amygdala is a non-reasoning part of the brain and only learns from your actions, its response just gets stronger. It’s really just acting as your best friend, warning you of the danger you are in because of the thought that you keep showing it through your actions of avoidance and disdain is so very important to you. Basically it’s your actions of avoidance that are the food the amygdala needs to show it that it is correct to keep warning you. The constant anxiety makes you doubt yourself and think that it’s real and you are what these thoughts are telling you. You're not. This comfort and truth won’t really help you, however. In a twist of cruelty, reassurances that you get from yourself or others only feed the disorder by reinforcing to the amygdala that it is indeed right to warn you every time you have the thoughts. Through the proper therapy, you will learn to teach the amygdala that you are not afraid of these thoughts, and in fact welcome them from your actions of accepting them and running toward them using exposures to teach your amygdala that you are perfectly okay with having them. After a while, the amygdala learns that you are not afraid of the thoughts, and it stops sending you all this discomfort. The thoughts then lose their power, and since they are not important to you anymore, they stop bothering you.

Emotional Sobriety (from daily ACA email)

"With emotional sobriety, reparenting ourselves becomes a reality in our lives."

Our program calls us to recognize the truth within us. A beginning truth is that our families, in their unfinished spiritual states, corrupted our thinking. As young children, we could relate to no one other than our families to ‘see how the world was' around us.

This often involved a series of dysfunctional beliefs, such as "I can make it on my own," "I am too proud to accept help from anyone," and/or "We are s-o-o-o-o much better than they are." This led us to a false sense of independence or even superiority that effectively cut us off from many forms of useful information that could have helped us.

As adults, we lived with this corrupted thinking, in a state of confusion and denial, unable to admit that we needed help and unable to trust anyone.

When we find recovery, we discover that we can reparent ourselves. We learn to see the truth about our parents in a non-judgmental way, which helps us first accept whatever good things they passed to us. Then, without anger or resentment, we firmly reject their dysfunctional ways of thinking. We are now free to chart our own course of behavioral, spiritual and emotional sobriety.

On this day I will focus on using all I've learned to help me reparent myself. I choose spiritual and emotional sobriety.

What are the potential causes of extreme emotional dysregulation in adults who were diagnosed with autism or Aspergers later in life?

[Answered on Quora.com by Becky]

There are probably a lot of answers, but I'm just going to throw out a couple.

The autistic brain is wired in ways that make it harder to regulate emotion to begin with. For some this means controlling big emotions, and for some it means difficulty feeling or recognizing emotions at all. Not that they're not there, they're just almost disconnected.

The autistic brain is also wired to be more likely to store memories as trauma. That means that things that may not look traumatic to someone else may genuinely be traumatic to an autistic person. This happens to everyone on occasion. We all have things that are more traumatic for us than makes sense, but it is more common and more likely for autistic people.

Autistic people are more likely to have major trauma, including abuse, bullying, and even parental divorce. Sad, but true. Trauma causes disregulation because the brain reacts to perceived danger instead of the actual situation at hand.

Late-diagnosed autistic adults grew up without understanding why they reacted differently to so many things. Many were told to not over-react, not be so sensitive, etc. So instead of being taught how to regulate their emotions with love, validation, and soothing, which wires a child's brain for self- soothing and emotional regulation, they were taught, often by well-meaning parents, to ignore and shut off their emotions. This increases the disconnect and makes it harder to recognize and regulate emotions.

Finding out you are autistic and learning about autism can help Counseling can be incredibly helpful and healing, especially if you have a therapist who is good with trauma.

Group 87 "Sublime Feline"

What was the first “green flag” you noticed in your partner?

[Answered on Quora.com by Alma]

My husband is a very shy man. So much so, that when we went out on a first date, he barely even looked at me. I very reluctantly accepted to go out on a second date, which ended up being pretty much the same. This led me to believe that there’s just no chemistry between us, and that it’s best we end it at that point. I really liked him, but didn’t want to get hurt as I thought he might be an emotionally unavailable person. My husband’s reaction was to say:

“Okay, this makes me very sad, but if you don’t think going out with me makes sense, there’s just no point going forward. However, may I ask for a reason?”

I have to admit I was surprised hearing such a response. Men I tried dating would typically get very angry, insult me, curse at me, or say something to humiliate me, which made me wary of rejecting someone openly.

I explained to him how I felt, to which my husband said that he actually likes me a lot, but is extremely shy, and that if I would like to go out with him again, he would be more open. On our third date he greeted me with a big grin and a warm hug and from then on we were inseparable.

So the first “green flag” in my partner was his ability to calmly accept rejection without perceiving that his ego has been hurt.

Is there a cure for autism or is it a lifelong developmental disorder?

Is there a cure for autism or is it a lifelong developmental disorder? Can it be prevented in children?
[Answered on Quora.com by Angela Birch]

The psychiatrist who diagnosed my husband said: It is essentially a variation on how information is processed - a slightly different wiring harness.

The evidence is, it tends to run in families and is almost certainly genetic. My husband was born autistic, is now 79, and is still autistic. He is an intelligent, hardworking engineer. He had a mother who realized early that her son learned differently from other children, and made it her mission to learn to help him succeed. She did so. Not by trying to force him to be like all other kids, but by figuring out what worked.

There isn’t a thing wrong with my husband. Yes, he rocks, and so? Yes, he is highly organized and doesn’t like chaos - and so? Yes, he finds almost all music annoying. And so? He isn’t social and can be brutally honest - and so? Yes, he is a variation on the standard, and not a thing wrong with that.

We in society seem to have made a god of “normal” - not realizing normal is nothing more than pablum.

No, an autistic person is not going to be cured, because they do not have an illness.

Do people with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or Asperger's syndrome have romantic feelings?

[Answered on Quora.com by Chip]

Yes, but it’s very difficult for me to navigate. I am in a constant state of emotional suppression. If I don’t stop myself when I feel emotions, I will become fully engulfed in that emotion very rapidly. So where a typical person might flirt or go on a couple of dates before they decide to become more emotionally invested in a person, I am all in from the start, because I don’t try and stop the emotion of love. It feels so wonderful, who would stop that? But, and this is a very big but: typical people express the emotion of love when courting. I guess they are just trying it on before they decide. I can’t tell if it’s genuinely how they feel. So, as you can imagine, there have been many relationships I have been in where I was really the only one falling in love.

I am happily married now to the most wonderful woman. She loved me from our 1st date, and I her. Had a lot of heartbreak before her, because of my autism, but I can’t imagine a better ending to an early life of heartbreak than a relationship that has been about love since the 1st date.

I’m a very lucky man

Why is employment so painful for autistic people?

[Answered on Quora.com by Aaliceinw]

In my case, I come across as a “normal” functioning person who has the most amazing solutions (in their minds) to complex problems. So my bosses want to promote me and put me in leadership positions - and then I am expected to lead others.

They then ask my opinion about some other strategic issue and I either give a perfectly accurate but wrong response about a detail in the strategy - or I freeze. Or, I give a very truthful but embarrassing response for either myself or one of the bosses.

I start to get excluded: first from the strategic meetings, then from general team meetings, and then from all meetings.

Or I can produce exceptionally high-quality presentations or reports in a very short time, so they keep throwing more of them at me. I either become overwhelmed because there are too many, or because they are sending me stuff I don’t have a clue about. They keep forgetting I need more time to process information, and that I need clear instructions.

I go into shutdown, or I burn out.

In 9 days, I will be celebrating my first year in my new job. I have thought I was going to be fired at least once a month. I have been recognised unofficially and officially for what I am contributing, but most the time, I am not sure if what I am doing is what they want.

Once a week, at least, I wake up feeling sick, because I’m sure I’ve stuffed up.

Getting talked-over in meetings is a common occurrence - and having someone say the exact thing I’ve just said as if I wasn’t even in the room is also common.

Employment for me is difficult because I feel that everytime I learn the language they are speaking, they change it.

Even though I wear less masks than I ever have before in the workplace, I still have to put them on at least 40% of the time. It is still tiring. And scary when almost everyday, I worry that I have misunderstood the brief - and it is even worse when I simply cannot understand what everyone else can.

If you've been diagnosed with Asperger's or autism, do you ever mention it up-front in talks or discussions with people?

If you've been diagnosed with Asperger's or autism, do you ever mention it up-front in talks or discussions with people? Why or why not? When I do, most people say, "Oh, I never would have guessed" or something like that. But sometimes I use it to explain why I am the way I am at times.

[Answered on Quora.com by Paul Holmes]

My wife is autistic. We only found out about 9 months ago. She always thought there was something different about her. So did I, and others. Many people on this forum are critical of the ways non autistic people react and criticise them for their lack of knowledge. But what about all the autistic people who don’t know they are? These people are also ignorant of their condition. Please don’t blame non autistic people for their lack of knowledge when many autistic people don’t know anything about it - or even that they are autistic themselves. I encouraged my wife to share her news with our close friends. We decided that if they didn’t respond well then maybe they weren’t such close friends. Everyone has been great. People assume that most strange or undesirable behaviour is linked to some kind of character flaw. We’re don’t instinctively think that someone is wired up differently - a bit like colour blindness. So it pays to not only share the news about your autism but also a bit of knowledge about the affect your wiring has on your behaviours. I used to think my wife’s lack of eye contact meant she was disinterested in or disliked what I was saying. I got confused when she asked if we could have a wedding party and then said how glad it was over. When I got cramp in my leg - which was in plaster following an Achilles rupture the night before - I got confused again when she didn’t react to my yelling in pain as I hit the wall with my fist to distract myself from the agony. A hundred other things weighed on my mind as I struggled to find answers to so many questions. Discovering she is autistic and what that meant was an absolute blessing. It has helped me understand and not take things the wrong way. So, my advice would be to help others understand what autism is and how it manifests in your behaviours. Good people are likely to respond well for the most part.

Is the United States backward, compared to Europe?

(To evaluate: how a given country handles engineering? Old United States Design

Anna driving video created on a July 26 of the past

Grief & Childhood (from daily ACA email)

"Genuine grieving for our childhood ends our morbid fascination with the past, and lets us return to the present, free to live as adults. Confronting years of pain and loss at first seems overwhelming."

We may have been going to meetings for many years, lamenting the slings and arrows of our recovery life. Perhaps we thought we were "Living life on life's terms": doing the best we could.

But often, progress seemed to come in dribs and drabs. This left us with a sense of frustration at the little spiritual progress we had made, despite our best efforts.

But what may have been missing was the willingness to genuinely grieve for our lost childhoods. Grief work is not about just learning to tell our story, but about starting to discover and express the underlying trauma and emotions. Doing this level of work is the true path to freeing ourselves.

When we are no longer held in place by the disembodied stories and the undercurrent of repressed feelings, we can begin to take positive action, change our life's terms, find joy in the present, and feel alive for possibly the first time.

On this day I will tell the real story of my childhood trauma. In doing so, I will free my True Self and enjoy this day my Higher Power has given me.

What does it mean to be afraid of your own feelings? How does childhood abuse play into that?

[Answered on Quora.com by Melinda Gwin]

Abuse subjects children to incredibly intense negative emotions at a tender age. No one has appreciable coping skills at that age. We haven’t had time to learn them. We cry and expect relief.

Unfortunately, child abuse usually comes at the hands of caretakers; the very people children expect and need to save them, to teach them to calm down and soldier forth with courage, are the ones inflicting the pain.

Lessons are immediately learned: No one can help. No one will help. Even the spaces that seem safest are minefields waiting to explode. Tread carefully or run and hide, as any fallout must be managed by you alone. Nothing is safe and no salvation exists.

The resulting emotions aren’t exactly positive, and the early betrayal from caretakers makes even positive emotions suspect. If one protector could turn on you, causing that much harm, how much more dangerous is everyone else?

Love and trust become suspect, vulnerability becomes folly, because those emotions and conditions were exploited to deliver incredible pain early in life. A world without safety is a world without pleasure; all emotions, without exception, are or presage pain in this state.

Detachment, even dissociation and derealization, is a common way to manage this catch-22. It makes life less frightening by dropping the intensity to zero, though it accomplishes that by precluding joy and despair alike.

When no one protects us, we try to protect ourselves. Fear of all emotions, good and bad, is an attempt to shield oneself from betrayal and the vulnerability that allows betrayal.

Slug "Passengers"

How do I confirm that I love a person?

[Answered on Quora.com by Antonieta Contreras]

What type of love do you want to confirm? Romantic? Fraternal? Familial? Pragmatic? The list can go on.

Upfront, I could tell you that if you really love a person, you then could live without them. Love is the opposite of ownership. For example, if you fall out of love because that person cheated on you, then you can be certain that your love was not the pure type. If you love a person for as long as that person fulfills your needs or expectations, then your love is pragmatic, grounded in conditions that can range from compatibility and convenience to companionship or financial support.

I wish answers about love were straightforward or that we could find a device, like a thermometer, that could confirm we are in love and that our love is genuine, unconditional, pure, and lasting.

But love is such a complicated phenomenon that we have not been able to agree on what it is. I’ll try to respond to your question, but let me talk a little about the maximum representation of love I have found in this human existence:

Love in its most extensive manifestation is equivalent to limitless freedom, wisdom, beauty, and peace. This type of love has no object, which means that it flows without attaching to anyone or anything. Love is a force that feeds and builds the universe and each one of its elements, us included, and so, we sometimes can channel it. Some people say it’s always there but we lack the awareness. Others say that we only channel it when we become a clean vessel.

When that force enters our system, everything looks, feels, sounds, tastes, and is better. Life becomes easier, more enjoyable, more fulfilling, brighter, shinier, greater. Can we channel that energy all the time? Hopefully! But we need to be so clear of all cravings, desires, and attachments, that it’s difficult to stay there permanently.

That type of love I’m talking about is not biological, but influences our biology, big-time. When we channel that energy, our brain lights up like a Christmas tree and produces all sorts of “feel-good” chemicals. We become healthier, more motivated, more energetic, more productive, more “alive.” We also turn out to be less demanding, less ambitious, less hungry, less attached to what we normally define as happiness. We become happier by accepting whatever it is.

The inverse is also true. Our biology can influence our energetic body and clear the way to pure love. When we accept someone as they are, our brain produces all those feel-good stuff, and our channels open, facilitating the flow of the love force. That’s when we float and enjoy every second, assuming we are in love because of the relationship we are developing with certain people. We assign an object to the force we are experiencing, assuming they are the source.

That type of openness is not caused by the person but by the chemicals that help us see everything beautiful and lower our guard. Our primitive circuits are nowhere active since the liking and accepting that new person makes us feel super safe. Safer than ever! As if misery will never be a possibility again, as long as we stay connected to that person.

If that connection is just energetic, you can continue being in love and misery won’t come near you. But that’s not what normally happens. We immediately want to own that person, tie the knot so to speak, making sure they will never go anywhere else.

But right there, as soon as we fear losing them, the channels close, the chemicals stop, and the primitive circuits make us feel at risk. And that amazing production of energy becomes a dark and all-absorbing black hole.

What I could say is that we humans have the capacity to experience the very energy that creates us if we let go of all our human conditioning. If our humanity is bigger than our mind, then we get stuck on the miseries of attaching to a reality that is so limited.

So, going back to your question, to confirm you love a person, you need to be certain that you could let them live their life as they please, that they can leave if they need to, that they can use their bodies as they find it necessary, and that you won’t close the flow of your great feelings if they don’t meet your expectations.

Since that is almost impossible to do, what I suggest is to “love,” period. If you “love” as your regular mental state, you may not need to be with a person. You may enjoy the company of love, which could make your life easier and more beautiful than any person could. Then, you share that mental state with those you are with and continue working on accepting that you and they are human and that it is our condition to have needs.

It is OK to practice conditional love. Your heart and soul could love unconditionally, but your daily activities, your body, and your brain need to work on meeting your needs to give you the opportunity to clean yourself of cravings.

The better your needs are met, the less you will need, and the less you need, the more open to receiving the universe you will be.

The bottom line is that it’s better to shift our perspective from seeking fulfillment solely through relationships to finding contentment within oneself. Once you are there, sharing that love with others will confirm that you love them.

Eric Hilton "The Source"

As a homeless person, what is the most important thing you could tell someone who finds themselves homeless for the first time?

[Answered on Quora.com by Robert Kerr]

1. Sell everything you have right now and just keep a few clothes. Everything you have is going to be stolen. Remove yourself from your possessions RIGHT NOW. Save yourself the heartache.
2. Nobody on the street is your friend.
3. Government won't help you, so don't waste the 6 months of runaround they'll put you through before you figure it out.
4. Churches are the best place to ask for help, some even offer shelter. Go there, get a bed, and volunteer. It isn't work, but you ABSOLUTELY need meaning in your life.
5. Save every penny you get until you have enough cash for rent. It'll take several months. Just push, you'll make it.
6. Lastly, use old soup cans for containing fire. You can get a makeshift stove going with a soup can and 3 metal tent pegs. Push the pegs into the dirt, using the short ends to hold down the can. Trap it good in the ground. It will be enough to keep you warm, and boil water.

Good luck, don't give up, and DO NOT GIVE OTHER HOMELESS PEOPLE ANYTHING

JF #50

I wish that you had lived to see this auspicious day.
Your mother is still happy that this day happened - but she misses you.

The B-52s "Revolution Earth" (official)

Anna's early morning dance party started with this fun and energetic - upbeat - song.

I had been wishing I could be walking through the forest, very much, this morning.
Yet I also know that the next few days will bring much forest time.
It would be wise for me to conserve some of my energy (and also goodwill, to keep working towards the common good).
So instead I vigorously dance the tarantella, amongst the tarantellas.

[Just. Just?] one observer at the center of my data point on 20240606

... though there be "no" [with an infinity already contained within that word] reason that there ... should be, may be ...
HOPE

... NOR the lack of HOPE (!) ...

Let that I may simply see myself rewriting, or rather retyping with my twisting old hand: a news report from another moment of 20240606:

Ukrainian Presidcent Volodymur Zelensky arrived at Thursday's International ceremony

... to commemorate the 80th anniversary of D-Day, to a Standing Ovation and a Rousing Applause.

Zelensky's presence - and Russian leader Vladimir Putin's absence, despite Soviet Russia's key role in winning the war in Europe - is highly symbolic given how the war in Ukraine is casting a shadow over the day's events.

Several world leaders have already used their speeches to cast parallels between Russia's invasion of Ukraine and the aggression of Nazi Germany that sparked World War II.

What is an autism trait that everyone on the spectrum has?

[Answered on Quora.com by Kenneth Childers]

Some of the other answers [on Quora] disingenuously suggest that autistics don’t have any commonalities with other autistics, but I think there are some near-universal trends. They don’t all occur all the time in all autistics, but almost all of them occur at least from time to time in most people with autism, as far as I can tell:

1. We tunnel. Tunneling is hard to describe, but easy to notice. I’m coming home from a basketball game with a couple of colleagues one night - I co-sponsor a special ed basketball team - and all of a sudden feel compelled to comment to my colleague and friend on a very arcane matter, to which students individual educational plans may apply in the United States. When I had been discussing this with a teacher mentor form my school district, my department head had butted in and insisted that I was wrong - no, IEPs in the US can’t be given to non special-ed students. All of a sudden, that discussion came back to me on the bus, and I felt compelled to revisit it with my friend. Figuratively and sometimes literally, other matters fall to the backdrop, and my focus zeros in on such a matter. The matter can be almost anything, from gender in Spanish language geographic terms to something awry in the school kitchen.

2. We perseverate. To perseverate is to detain oneself on something intensely. That sounds like tunneling, but it’s a bit different though arguably related. Speaking of the above-mentioned department head, she brought to my attention some months ago that 1) I hadn’t been consistent in using dollar signs when teaching math, and 2) I had been a bit loose about decimal points. In point of fact, I had varied on the dollar signs but had taken an ink pen to sharpen up decimal points in a certain lesson concerning money. Oops. She should have checked her facts before presenting these admittedly small grievances to me as fact. Notice that the facts were only half awry. Nonetheless, I bitterly and unrelentingly refused to let the conversation move on, even telling her, “I will not let this conversation move on as long as part of your perceptions are grounded in error.” When I get caught up in such matters in the moment and everything else goes to the backdrop, that’s tunneling - and I was tunneling at that moment - but my remembrances on the event over these many months has been perseveration. Now I’ve also generalized that event to a broader skepticism of that colleague’s accuracy, and I think about THAT too in all and sundry situations.

Notice that this is not really a matter of “he said, she said,” nor a matter of “everyone’s entitled to their opinion, and we just have to be understanding, Kenny.” Autistics often get accused of being insensitive to or imperceptive of the feelings and ideas of others, and people trot out cases like this as examples. But there’s really no room for, “well, I know you have your way of seeing it, and I have mine” in this case: I either sat there for half an hour with an ink pen sharpening decimal points on my assignment, or I didn’t. And you better believe I did!

3. We notice little things that allistic people miss. Excelling at seeing little details of the world really isn’t that hard, especially when one is comparing oneself to allistics. That’s because a huge amount of allistic perceptual energy doesn’t go into rock formations; water lily types; the energy efficiency of a car’s air conditioning and heating systems; the statistical validity of international wealth comparisons; and so on and so forth. Oh, no indeed - you almost can’t even meet with non-autistic people on THESE MATTERS and keep the focus on THESE MATTERS! Silly me - I’d have thought that water lily types would be a great topic at a garden club meeting as compared to neighborhood scuttlebutt and someone’s grandkids. I could even live with water lily types being on a par with the grandkids, but needless to say they aren’t, particularly in a place like the US, where people are endlessly wrapped up in their own pet issues. When you add to that the obsession neuronormals have with social interactions, body language and hierarchies - sometimes their perceptual world seems just a series of flirtations and winks and nods - it’s no wonder they don’t see many things that are right under their noses.

4. We have sensitivities, often hypersensitivities. Formal and anecdotal writing on autism is full of examples, ranging from shirt tags to noise to even Sponge Bob Square Pants episodes. My own sensitivities are not over-the-top, but they are pronounced.

Here are a few good questions spearheaded by the autism specialist Dr. Natalie Engelbrecht ND RP a couple of years ago on sensitivities. I answered each question below, so you can just look the threads over quickly or read my own answers by scrolling down:

What challenges do you face regarding visual hypersensitivity as someone with ASD, and what solutions have you found to compensate for this?

What challenges do ASDs have regarding auditory hypersensitivity, and what solutions have you found to compensate for it?

5. I think that the social awkwardness of autistics - so pronounced that in the past it was proposed that autism was a social impairment or even a form of social retardation - is both well-known and overstated. Dr. Natalie Engelbrecht ND RP and I concur that neuronormal social skills ain’t what they’re cracked up to be EVEN under the terms of neuronormal society. Conversely, autistics can be very social and socially able, and can have many friends. However, we do seem to be a bit set apart socially. We don’t seem to care for small talk or banter, and avoid them. Likewise, though we can be socially graceful and good at conversation - when we care to converse - a lot of our etiquette and pleasantries can come across as - and indeed are - the result of reading and study, not natural social instincts. Conversely, good social reflexes among neuronormals are rarely the result of formal study.

This influencer keeps taking day laborers to Disneyland

This good person brings joy and help to others - and then others are inspired to add their own help and support.

Boys on the fringe of society aren’t so different from yours, this boy mom says

[By Shannon Carpenter, CNN, Tues June 4, 2024 10:00 a.m. EDT]

I know I’m not the only parent who has lost sleep worrying about the future of my sons.

My 16-year-old has begun to drive, and I have concerns about his ability to navigate curbs. My 11-year-old son loves to play video games, but I have to be careful about his choice of online gaming communities. Some are extremely toxic.

But even with those worries, I have some leverage, whether it’s the keys or the Wi-Fi password.

It’s the things I can’t control that keep my mind running all night. It’s a scary road for a parent to contemplate because of what I see out there. There is the “manosphere,” the collection of male influencers who plant seeds of hate in our young boys’ ears. That self-hate can turn inward until it explodes, either in self-harm, partner violence or mass shootings.

That’s what keeps me up at night.

That’s what Ruth Whippman tackles in her new book, “BoyMom: Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity,” which published on Tuesday.That’s what keeps me up at night.

“I was pregnant with my third son when the #MeToo movement just exploded,” Whippman told me. “I realized at that moment there was just this rolling horror show of bad news about men.”That’s what keeps me up at night.

The journalist, cultural critic and documentary filmmaker realized that #MeToo was exposing a “deep, systemic problem” with the way that we raise and socialize boys. “The fact that this experience of sexual violence and sexual assault is so common — there is somewhere that we’re going wrong. It’s clearly a blind spot.”

Whippman takes her audience into those influences our boys are exposed to, including the incel population, the pull of the false machismo of men influencers and the world that our sons are expected to join as adults.

I sat down with Whippman to learn about her experiences as a boy mom, what worries her as a parent and the surprising things she discovered during research for her book.

CNN: You start “BoyMom” with an interesting fact that baby boys are not nurtured as much as girls. How so?

Ruth Whippman: They’re about six weeks behind baby girls (in development), so a baby boy needs more help with self-regulating with emotions. They need more early care, but they get less. And there is a ton of research and studies that show that.

But the way that parents respond to baby boys — they project all these masculine qualities into them. So, when they cry, parents assume they’re angry rather than sad, and they pick them up less. They give them less positive touch. They use less emotional language. This is a pattern that goes on all the way through childhood into adulthood. So, all of the things that we think of as caregiving and nurturing — baby girls receive more of that. So, boys need more, and they get less. That has really long-term implications for the development of empathy, social skills and morality.

CNN: As boys grow, you say that they are not taught relationship skills or emotional development. The stories we read to boys are different than what we read to girls.

Whippman: This is something that really surprised me, because it was so invisible to me that this was even absent. It would have been so normal for me to read about relationships as a young girl. My boys will never read a story like that unless I actively go and give it to them.

There are very, very few role models for boys or stories for boys — movies, TV shows and books — where (boys) are saying that they have to take on emotional labor, that they have to think about other people’s feelings, track them and worry about letting somebody down. Their stories are always about adventure, battles and fighting. It all contributes to boys not growing up with a model of how to be a fully formed, relational, connected human being. I see it with my kids all the time.

CNN: What pressures does society put on boys as they reach school age?

Whippman: We give boys this vision that’s all about being almost superhuman in the hero narratives and these stories where boys see themselves as being special and important and the main character — but they have to be emotionally invulnerable. They can’t admit to weakness or admit to (having) feelings.

They have to be the best. They have to be better than girls and women. The story is that boys get girls, and women generally tend to be these kinds of side characters that boys get as prizes for being heroes. The damaging part of it is that in a million ways we communicated to boys that they need to be strong. They need to be stoic. They can’t admit their feelings, that they can’t be weak. We teach that sort of intimacy and vulnerability goes for women, but not men. So, I think this has a huge impact on their mental health.

CNN: How does that translate into how they act in school and with their peers?

Whippman: Boys’ issues are seen as behavioral problems rather than emotional deficiencies. We see boys as this kind of angry, masculine characters that are acting out rather than the sort of vulnerable emotional beings they are.

We tell them it’s shameful to be sad and to cry and to show weakness. We teach them to cope with their emotions such as anger or destructiveness on their own. We don’t give them other outlets or other tools to express their emotions. We don’t see the hurt and the emotions behind it. They’re scared to reach out, and they don’t get the help they need.

They get deeper and deeper into these toxic spaces. On the one hand, they’re the most hate-filled, horrifying, misogynistic, racist spaces. But there’s also this brotherhood amongst many of them. These are spaces where they find connection, and I think that is the problem.

CNN: Explain the term incel. In “BoyMom,” you spend time with this population. Who are they?

Whippman: They’re kind of unique within the manosphere because they are the guys who are (considered) losers in this system, as they say themselves. Involuntarily celibate. They’re very lonely, generally very depressed, and they’ve given up hope. They think feminists are to blame for everything and men are the real victims. This is very twisted, very horrible politics, and it comes along with a lot of misogyny. You can’t get women because it’s predecided (by this system).

CNN: What were the biggest surprises for you when talking with the involuntary celibate?

Whippman: One was that the of level of connection and brotherhood and tenderness between men, which was really shocking to me. I was so surprised that in all the places to find it, it was there and then. I mean a lot of them are horrifying misogynists. And I went in depth with one guy who really was like that. But I think I saw a lot of just sadness and trauma and feeling stuck and feeling like they had no hope to get anywhere else.

They couldn’t really see therapy. They thought they’d been boxed so far into this corner that if they went to talk to a therapist, that they would get rejected and told the same narrative, which is “you’re so privileged, shut up.” Which I think is a real narrative in our culture.

One of the biggest surprises was I expected incels to be these very fringe people, who were saying something completely different from the kind of so-called regular boys would say. It really shocked me just how similar they were to many of the sort of so-called regular boys that I talked to. That all the concerns that they were raising about loneliness, about friendship, about masculinity, about feeling emasculated, about the pressures of masculinity, all those things were actually just very mainstream.

CNN: Did you find any correlation between their father’s masculinity and behavior and their own judgment of themselves?

Whippman: Several guys said to me that their father had always said, “Man up.” I think that fathers are probably doing this out of love. I think fathers often encourage their boys to be tough and masculine and not to cry or express emotions out of love, because that is how they were taught, and that is how they think their sons need to be to survive in the world.

They want to protect their sons and (are) probably doing it the best way they know how because that’s how they were taught. But these messages are so harmful, and they have lasting consequences. I saw it all over with boys who have different backgrounds.

CNN: How do we reconcile these two halves of men? How do we keep traditionally masculine-identified values such as courage and assertiveness, and encourage feminine-identified values such as empathy and sensitivity?

Whippman: We start from the beginning. Take the gendered expectations out of those words. Bravery, courage, strength, assertiveness, empathy, humanity, nurturing and caregiving are human qualities. Get away from girls do this, boys do that. Then we would give people, boys and girls, more ability to be fully human.

CNN: How do we as individual men support the boys and men in our lives?

Whippman: We need to change the cultural conversation and give respect and admiration to the men who are trying to change the narrative and the women who are trying to help them in that effort.

In the home, I think it’s about making time for emotions with boys. Try to see boys as these emotional things, give them role models who express emotions, whether that’s in real life from dads, families and communities.

Boys and men don’t have the vocabulary to talk about this problem. We don’t know what to even call the harm that the patriarchy has caused to men. The more we talk about it, the more we can name it, the more we can correct it.

Shannon Carpenter is a writer, author of the book “The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad” and married father of three.

Analyzing my text messages with my ex-boyfriend

Teresa Ibarra's analysis can be read here.

Fighting the World's Deadliest Animal

CDC's deadliest animal

Kula Shaker "Start all Over"

What is autistic thinking like? What is the thought process?

[Answered on Quora.com by Neil Johnson]

Them: Nice weather, isn’t it.

Me: (Internally) Logical brain is interrupted momentarily by an unrequested comment that is unclear if it's a statement or a question and rejects the word nice as a subjective definition. I have no choice but to reinterpret their statement as them asking me a question about my subjective opinion about the weather, because from experience asking people to define ‘Nice’, and asking if what they said is a statement or a question is not a part of socially accepted replies.

A polite Hello would have been sufficient and I still struggle to understand why neurotypical people don't say what they mean.

So I assess the ambient temperature, windspeed, cloud formations, approximate barometric pressure, actual approximate temperature, etc. I have to assume they find the weather ‘nice’ based on the fact that whatever sensory input it gave them is prompting them to think its nice and they feel they need validation in that experience. In reality, they could have just won £500 on a lottery scratch card and that made them feel good, and the warm sun on their face just prompted them to think that its nice. I don't know because I'm not them and they are not being clear about why they think it’s nice. By this point, I’m frustrated.

All this is in vain anyway as what they are really trying to say is, this weather makes me feel good (or not shit, if you’re from the UK). This is a problem, as my thoughts about weather don’t allow me to associate sun/wind/rain/snow etc. with feelings and emotions. (This is not limited to weather)

At this point I have to mask and put my learnt social chameleon behaviour into use.

Me: (Verbally) Oh, yes. It’s very nice.

For me personally, I don’t have a veneer level of thinking. It’s all deep thought, problem solving methodology, strategy and tactics, cause and effect, ‘what if’ loops and nonlinear causality. Data, facts, black and white, evidence based. I pick up complex concepts very quickly and can make extremely detailed plans and projects to make efficient changes in businesses. It's easy and fun to do this and probably the only thing that gives me actual feelings of pleasure, yes that's inclusive of sex, if you’re wondering about that.

Gender-changing affirmational Haiku for Memorial day

Labels are able
to spell the name Isabel
if that is wanted

[This morning, I had seen the word "Label" written in large font, and it popped out at me that the words "Label" and "Iszabel" {<- ! - ha ha ha; spelled differently because I hadn't intended to deadname, I just noticed orthography similarities} both end in the same 4 letters.]

Missing National Representative

[Posted on Quora.com by Oscar Tay]

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American Samoan, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argentinian, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bengali, a Barbadian, a Barbudan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bermudan, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Botswanan, a Brazilian, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cape Verdean, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Caymanian, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comorian, a Congolese, a Cook Islander, a Costa Rican, an Ivorian, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czechlander, a Danish, a Djiboutian, a Dominican, a Timorese, an Ecuadorian, an Egyptian, a Salvadoran, an Equatoguinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinean, a Bissau-Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinan, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irish person, an Israeli, an Italian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakh, a Kenyan, an I-Kiribati, a Kittitian, a Korean, a Kosovar, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Basotho, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourder, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivian, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Montenegrin, a Moroccan, a Mozambican, a Burmese, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepali, a Nevisian, a Dutch, a New Zealean, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerien, a Nigerian, a Niuean, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papuan, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Filipino, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Puerto Rican, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Saint Vincentian, a Samoan, a Sammarinese, a São Toméan, a Saudi Arabian, a Scot, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovak, a Slovene, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Sudanese, a Sudanese, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tokelauan, a Tongan, a Trinidadian and a Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Turkmen, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, an Englishman, an Englishwoman, a Welshman and a Welshwoman, an American, a Uruguayan, an Uzbek, a Ni-Vanuatu, a Vaticanian, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Yemeni, a Zambian, and a Zimbabwean all walk into a fancy restaurant.

The maître d' says, “Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”