[Answered on Quora.com by Dushka Zapata]
If someone hurts me, it affects the way I perceive the world. My sense of safety and my sense of trust have been impacted. I become increasingly uncertain, anxious and angry.
Now, my anger and my anxiety run my life. I feel I need to manage everything around me to avoid being hurt again.
I do things in an attempt to keep myself safe: I am controlling, exacting, demanding, afraid, defensive. I find it hard to trust. I often perceive things as a threat, even when they are not.
I become suspicious of kindness, of happiness, of peace.
Blame keeps me trapped. “It’s not my fault. I hurt people because others hurt me”.
Self-awareness is the first step out. “I think I am hurting others with my pain.”
Taking responsibility is freedom. “I need to figure out how to work on myself so that I learn how to create healthy relationships, so I can stop hurting others and so I can learn how to stop hurting myself”.
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