What is the "INFJ dark side"?

[Answered on Quora.com by Emmy Boden]

Being an INFJ is wonderful because they see the world in a way that others don’t. Unfortunately, because they feel misunderstood, it’s a breeding ground for unhealthy personality traits.

1. They Think They’re Superior
This trait shows up often in people who have only recently discovered their INFJ type. It’s pretty normal for INFJs to feel misunderstood in early life because so few people are actually similar to them. When they finally do discover that there’s an answer for all their confusion, they can swing too far the other direction and start believing that they are the BEST empaths, the BEST personality type, the MOST insightful. They start looking down on “commoners” (other more common personality types) and give off an air of pretension and snobbery (not very empathic or insightful, to be honest).

2. They Can Be Out of Touch With Reality
When INFJs are in a Ni-Ti loop, they get so fixated on theorising about the future and keeping to themselves that they lose touch with the human condition and the real world around them. When INFJs are in a loop they become stuck in analysis-paralysis. Other signs of a loop include:

Combatively using intelligence to prove self-worth Being cynical and critical of themselves and others Claiming to be self-aware, but being incapable of honesty about their own feelings Blindness to their own emotional dysfunction Difficulty processing own emotions. May blow up prematurely, only to regret it later. Isolating themselves excessively – cancelling plans and being unreliable in relationships Being clumsy and/or oblivious more often than not

3. They Can Be People-Pleasers
INFJs crave harmonious, positive interactions with people. Conflict is anathema to them, and they hate the feeling of letting anyone down. Because INFJs are so driven to help others and to create a positive sense of morale, they can have a hard time saying no or setting strong boundaries. Being in the midst of conflict situations and letting their voice be heard can also be a trial for them. They may be guarded, burned-out, or taken advantage of by others because of their more compliant nature.

4. Can Look Down On Others as “Shallow”
INFJs are so focussed on the big picture and understanding the grand scheme of things that they can be condescending or patronising to types that prioritise a moment-to-moment focus. They may pretentiously shrug off the concerns of others, seeing them as trivial, unimportant, or silly. It can be difficult for them to connect with others if they are too fixated on how they are different from others, rather than seeing the strengths of other perspectives.

5. They Can Get Stuck In Inertia
INFJs are fixated on patterns, trends, and timing. Before they act on something, they want to know the long-term implications of that decision. It’s important for them to analyse many different perspectives before they take action. While this CAN be a good thing, it can also be a roadblock to productivity. Some INFJs get so fixated on getting their timing just right, and making their plan absolutely flawless, that they never take action or they miss an opportunity.

6. When Stressed, They Can Be Reckless and Hedonistic
INFJs experiencing “grip stress” (when INFJs are experiencing chronic stress or sudden, extreme stress, they may fall into the grip of their inferior function; Extraverted Sensing. This isn’t your everyday normal stress either, the stress has to be pretty intense or lengthy to push an INFJ to this point.) They can become uncharacteristically pleasure-seeking, impulsive, and self-destructive. They may binge-eat, drink excessively, or chase after sensory pleasures. Some INFJs find more constructive ways to deal with grip stress – they may exercise, frantically clean, or listen to loud music as a way of coping.

7. They Can Be Stubborn And Single-Minded To A Fault
INFJs are fixated on narrowing down their options to one most ideal option for their life. They spend a lot of time analysing and theorising until they choose their direction, but when they decide they’re nearly impossible to sway in another direction. It’s as if their body just goes into autopilot to fulfil the needs of their vision. INFJs can procrastinate A LOT, but when they have a crystallised vision, they are nearly unstoppable. While this can be good, it can also make them absolutely immovable when alternate suggestions are made. They may push ahead frantically to achieve their vision, even at the cost of their health, relationships, or well-being.

8. They May Think Everyone Hates Them
Most people in the world feel misunderstood at times. However, INFJs in particular, have a hard time finding people who truly “get” them. They often struggle to communicate their ideas and visions because so few people process information the same way they do. Their intuition is introverted in nature, so their ideas and insights are often seen as symbols or pictures inside their mind. Trying to express those ideas and images can be a struggle, and they frequently get shrugs or confused reactions rather than acceptance or curiosity. As a result, many INFJs are highly self-critical and may even feel that there is something wrong with them mentally. They may keep their inner world a secret and feel afraid to open up to anyone.

9. They’re Unyielding Perfectionists
INFJs tend to get detailed, nuanced pictures in their mind of how they want their projects to look. They are visionaries with idealistic dreams and standards. This means that they can always be better, their projects can always be more perfect, and they feel a compulsion to keep growing and being better versions of themselves. While personal growth is a good thing, if it leads to a ceaseless dissatisfaction with one’s self it can become damaging. INFJs need to take time to appreciate “good enough” and rest, rather than pushing and punishing themselves to a point of burn-out and chronic dissatisfaction.

10. They Can Become Co-Dependent
Because INFJs tend to be natural givers, it can be easy for them to feel responsible for other people’s feelings. Naturally empathetic, they tune into the emotional wavelengths around them and try to keep them in a state of harmony. Unfortunately, this can lead to co-dependency.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
They use their personality type as an excuse to continue unhealthy behaviours.

EDIT: For those commenting on this post with feelings of hurt or anyone who feels offended, do note that NO person in this world is perfect, and while INFJ personality types are pretty amazing, we are not exempt. Often, our environment and inability to grow as a person can compound our weaknesses, turning us into an unhealthy INFJ. The good news is that once you’re able to admit and work on your weaknesses, you can turn them into strengths, but first, you need to know what traits are holding you back in life.

If you aren’t sure whether you are a healthy (or balanced) INFJ or an unhealthy one, evaluate your reaction to the points above… It may be a good indicator of where you are on the scale. If you have some unhealthy INFJ traits, one of them could be that you take things way too personally, which could make you resistant to constructive criticism and any type of feedback.