My husband is a Catholic but I’m not, and he wants to baptize our child in the Catholic church but I don't. What should I do?

[Answered on Quora.com by Petey Lao]

My husband was raised Catholic. I am Buddhist. When our younger daughter was born, my mother-in-law wanted her baptized in a Catholic Church. I was reluctant.

I consulted one of my dearest friends who was an Episcopalian. After I told him my dilemma, he asked, “Do you think you’ll enroll your daughter in ballet classes?”

I wasn’t sure how the question applied to the discussion. I mean, she was just born less than 6 months ago. I answered that ballet was up in the air. Then he asked another question, “What if your mother-in-law was a ballerina and she really, really wanted your child to take ballet classes?”

I told him, “I might consider it. It does not hurt to try it out.”

Then I realized where he was going with the questions. I said, “Hold on a sec. Getting baptized is far from dabbling in ballet.”

He gave me a shrug and said, “Not really.”

He went on the explain that we make substituted decisions on behalf of young children all the time. When the children become older and can decide what is good for them, these options may stick, or they may not.

“Your mother-in-law just wants to keep the one spiritual option that means so much to her open. She’s not stealing her from your faith. You can still teach your daughter about Buddhism. When she is older, she can choose for herself. She does not even have to go with one or the other. She can be both.”

“An entire community of people is showing up with their commitment to love, support, and morally guide your child. What’s so awful about that?”

I considered his words. They always revealed another layer of truth I neglected to examine. Eventually, I looked past the forest and focused on the trees, and we went ahead with the baptism.

Gov't Mule "Thorazine Shuffle" (5-31-08)

Cracker "Big Dipper" (Rockpalast Germany 2008)

John Prine and Iris Dement "In Spite of Ourselves" (official video)

Eloy ‎"Silent Cries And Mighty Echoes"

Kathy Mattea "Where have you been"

Do depressed people ever regret having opened up to people about how they felt?

[Answered on Quora.com by "I'm nobody"]

For my case I did, I've been battling depression for 5 years now. Last year I decided to open up to my best friend of 15 years about my struggles and how depression has been eating me up these past few years. She just laughed and said how could I be depressed, according to her someone like me can't be depressed because I'm always happy and making others happy, so it's quite impossible. I tried convincing her that I was really going through depression and she just didn't believe me. She laughed it off with her boyfriend, and honestly I regretted having opened my mouth to speak. I thought it would be easier to open up to her since she's a medical doctor, but I was so disappointed, and highly regret ever opening up. Till this day I never opened up to anyone, I only talk about my struggles on Quora.com because at least on Quora I can find people I can relate with, and also no one knows me personally, so it's easier for me.

Stuck Grief (from daily ACA email)

"Grief is loss that is stuck beneath denial, willful forgetting, and the fear of being perceived as dramatizing the past. Grief is the built-up defeats, slights, and neglect from childhood."

We might have thought of grief as something we experience only from overt losses such as death of a loved one, divorce, or a devastating illness. With recovery, we also experience grief as something that comes from the loss of our identity in childhood. We're exposed to many suggestions of what those childhood losses might be, such as being regularly and unfairly criticized by a parent, being compared to a sibling who was more well-behaved, being told we were bad, dumb or inferior, being told to keep secrets - the list goes on.

Just as it's valuable to handle more overt losses by grieving in a healthy manner rather than avoiding, numbing, and dissociating, we learn to practice loving ways to grieve our childhood losses, By working the ACA Steps and learning to have a dialog with our Inner Child, we discover that our bodies and minds remember the neglectful and shaming acts of the past. Unearthing these memories and facing the feelings buried within them isn't easy, but we discover an amazing payoff on the other side of this grief - being fully self-expressed and feeling alive, perhaps for the first time.

On this day I will be aware of and focus on one of the losses I experienced in childhood and practice a loving and compassionate way to grieve that loss.

Why do some girls start acting crazy once they fall in love?

[Answered on Quora.com by Ella González]

It's insecurity, and it's something to get past if you want to have sucessful relationships. It's not easy, and guys do it, too, just in a different way. Consciously or subconsciously you're taking every last sentence and action and deciding if this means he's losing interest in you. This can quickly become a vicious cycle that ends with him actually losing interest in you, so do be careful.

To change it, stop and think why you're angry, then decide if getting angry at him for his actions is actually solving anything. If him not saying 'goodnight' really is a sign that he's losing interest, what do you gain by getting angry at him? You might fix a symptom, and that's it.

Next, get in the habit of actually just talking about things. Realize that chances are, everything is fine, and if it's not, a fight won't solve anything. If he is feeling like there are problems in the relationship, he's more likely to tell you if you bring it up in non-confrontational way. It's hard enough talking about this stuff, believe me. It's even harder when you're worried about getting your head bitten off.

Finally, listen. You don't have to immediately respond to things. If he's constantly saying you are misunderstanding what he says, then reformulate what he says and repeat it back to see if you are correct. And when fights happen (and they will), don't fight dirty (don't throw insults, say hurtful things, etc).

Honestly, a good start would be to just get out in the open how you feel. Tell him you recognize you're being crazy, that you don't like it, and you want to change. You're not telling him anything he doesn't already know, and he's going to feel a lot better if he can actually talk to you about it. And give him a chance to talk, listen and don't get defensive. Save the explanations and interjections until the end. Acknowledge what you think is reasonable, explain (but don't over explain) what you don't think is reasonable.

Communication is better than no communication all the time. At best you solve problems before they become huge. At a minimum, you aren't blindsided by huge problems that aren't fixable. It will reduce your insecurity, too.

What is the funniest joke you've been told that you still think about to this day?

[Answered on Quora.com by Nick Thompson]

An Irishman goes to a building site in London and asks the foreman if he can have a job.
“Are you Irish?”, asks the foreman. “Well sor, that I am”, replied the Irishman. “Well”, said the foreman,”I don’t want any more Irish on this site, because they don’t know nuffink. Last week we have one here who didn’t even know the difference between a girder and a joist. Can you tell me the difference between girder and joist?”
The Irishman thought for a little while, and then replied, “Well sor, I tink that Joyce wrote Ulysses and Goethe wrote Faust.”

Alabama3 "Too sick to pray"

How do you cure your emotional unavailability?

{Answered on Quora.com by Michael Fitzjohn}

The first step in fixing a problem is admitting you have one.

You correct being emotionally unavailable by knowing why you’re emotionally unavailable.

Many emotionally unavailable people I know have had horrible relationships and don’t want to be hurt again. They live with their pain and it hurts. They feel they won't have to experience pain by not letting anyone close to their heart again.

I was emotionally unavailable because I’ve always felt as if my soul died in Vietnam. Why not just live in a bubble and not let anyone enter it.

I had therapy and learned how to live in the present and how to stop past pain from keeping me from future joy.

Only when an emotionally unavailable talks to a therapist to find out how to untangle their feelings can they become emotionally available.

The person should concentrate on doing what they love in life; joy and love will find them when they’re not looking for it.

“Brokenness is just like beauty; it's something we wear and carry, and if we let it define us, it will. But we are not our beauty or our brokenness, because souls are not made of beauty or brokenness. Souls are made of something permanent. Souls are made of truth.”
― Lauren Miller, All Things New (www.goodreds.com/work/quotes)

The Stranglers "Strange Little Girl" acoustic

Why do some women respond to alpha male advances and then complain how badly they get treated by some of them but still ignore the nice, sensitive, and quieter men?

[Answered on Quora.com by Franklin Veaux]

They don’t.

This tired old saw is the last gasp of men who can’t get laid and can’t understand why.

“Women” don’t respond to “Alpha male jerks” and “women” don’t complain about it. Some few individual women do, but “women” as a class do not.

Your question has the answer to why you can’t find a woman. You’re quiet. That means, you don’t go out and engage with women.

If you want a girlfriend, you have to go out and engage with women. You have to meet women. You have to talk to women. What do you expect, that some stranger will come knock on your door and say “Here I am, take me now?” That isn’t how it works.

I feel like this shouldn’t be hard to understand. If you don’t engage with women, you will have difficulty finding a girlfriend.

Have you experienced being in a co-dependent relationship?

[Answered on Quora.com by Evalina Rose]

Co-dependency is a dynamic where one or both partners rely on the other for their emotional well-being, self-worth, and identity. It often involves unhealthy and excessive reliance on the relationship, with a lack of independence and autonomy. Common characteristics of co-dependent relationships include:

Low Self-Esteem: Individuals in co-dependent relationships may struggle with low self-esteem and seek validation and worth from their partner.
Fear of Abandonment: There is often a strong fear of being abandoned or rejected, leading to efforts to please the partner at the expense of personal needs.
Lack of Boundaries: Boundaries may be unclear or non-existent, leading to enmeshment and difficulties in maintaining individual identities.
Difficulty Making Decisions: Co-dependent individuals may have difficulty making decisions independently, relying on their partner for guidance and validation.
Caretaking Behavior: One partner may take on a caretaker role, feeling responsible for the other's emotions and well-being.
Difficulty Expressing Needs: Communication may be hindered, with individuals finding it challenging to express their needs or assert their own desires.

If you suspect you are in a co-dependent relationship, or if you recognize these patterns in your behavior, here are some steps you can consider:

Self-Awareness: Reflect on your own behavior and feelings. Identify patterns of co-dependency and acknowledge areas where you may be relying too heavily on the relationship for validation.
Establish Boundaries: Clearly define and communicate your personal boundaries. Encourage your partner to do the same. Healthy relationships require a balance between closeness and independence.
Build Independence: Focus on developing your own interests, hobbies, and a sense of self outside of the relationship. Strengthening your independence can contribute to a healthier dynamic.
Seek Support: Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist. Having a supportive network can provide guidance and encouragement as you navigate changes in your relationship.
Communication Skills: Work on improving communication skills. Express your needs, feelings, and concerns openly and honestly, and encourage your partner to do the same.
Professional Help: In more severe cases, professional help from a therapist or counselor specializing in relationship issues can be beneficial. They can provide guidance and tools to navigate co-dependency and improve relationship dynamics.

It's important to note that breaking patterns of co-dependency often requires time, effort, and self-reflection. Taking steps toward healthier relationship dynamics can lead to greater personal fulfillment and more balanced connections.

How do you quickly determine in a first conversation whether someone is worth getting to know or worth avoiding?

[Answered on Quora.com]

“I don’t like” answering questions that require that I pass judgment on making negative judgments - heh! (Well, I can still choose whether or not I am going to do it, anyway.)

If and when possible, it’s likely that I would ask a series of open-ended questions at the beginning of the interaction. I would then evaluate the new person’s responses. At the same time, I would evaluate the body language that newbie is displaying: is it syntonic [responsive to and in harmony with the environment] to the overall apparent message of newbie?

Maybe I don’t even need to ask any questions. Maybe newbie is acting in a way that attracts attention - and then all I have to do is watch, and evaluate what I think I’m seeing. For example, is newbie acting like a loud attention-seeker? If I see apparent self-serving behavior immediately, when the actual goal of most is to have a pleasant group social experience [it’s a social experience when more than one person is present], then I can know that it’s okay to silently pass negative judgment and walk away from that situation. [Sorry, but right now I’m having an imagined visual of George Santos testily defending himself, after his misdeeds were exposed to the masses. I really didn’t need to inject anything political - and I feel that negatively judging his actions need not be political; my judgments only need to judge his deeds and their outcomes, when I decide that he did not conduct himself appropriately. I could have been negatively influenced by any miscreant of any type; that guy was in the news as I was typing this, and I’m currently still thinking about his particular personality adaptation. Partygoer: try not to be as blatantly self-serving as Santos was alleged to have been - and then, when in a group situation, the other guests will gladly welcome and include you for much longer.]

I often hope to see some general green-light behavior from newbies that will reveal to me that it’s worth me keeping them [positively] in my sights. Frankly, pleasant mirroring activity by the other will either reassure me or trick me into continuing an interaction. If Rose is acting “as sweet as a rose” towards me, in a given moment, then I might allow her to continue to do so, for a while longer. If I want - or feel motivated to - I can repeatedly reevaluate to see if I’m still in agreement with my early judgment that “she is acting as sweet as a rose to me”. And I can keep in the back of my mind, the idea that a rose may also have thorns - so I can have an out, if new information lets me know that more time spent in this situation will not return to me greater ROI [ha ha ha ha ha - that was written partly tongue-in-creek: I’m looking for a River that will recharge my aging and overused aquifer of Trust and Long-Term Lubrication for Human Interactions ;-) {Yeah, I’ve been reading about overdrawn aquifers, too.}].

And there are other things I care about, in an interaction. It does affect me, whether the new person has interesting and useful information for me - or at least pleasant-enough lightweight conversation, for the moment at hand. [For me personally, lightweight banter is {possibly Boring} Spacer Fluff for me, that sometimes could be done without - except that our brains like a little time to get used to a new situation, so to me that’s the actual use of Spacer Fluff Time; it allows more time and opportunity to evaluate one another’s micro-expressions and other information.]

For me, I find it difficult to withstand a very slow talker. My mind quickly wanders, to what I had been motivated to be thinking about, before the interaction started. Or if my mind was not reengaged by my recently-former thoughts - then I could be thinking about Food. Is there Food at this meet-and-greet that we’re at? ;-)

If the newbie somehow helps me get yummy party food faster - then there is probably a good chance that I will allow mutual shared orbits for at least a little while longer. [Sorry not sorry, for a somewhat flippant response this time. I think I was slightly prickly because of having to think about how I’d negatively judge someone that was new to me. Such a precept doesn’t allow me to indulge my fantasy of being a perfectly all-welcoming individual at all times, to all people. ;-) ]

The Church "Disappointment"

Far below the surface, where the women sway
Green shadows greet another day
Drowned for the moment, on an empty ocean bed
And I cannot lift my head
Late for an appointment, clothes everywhere
I cannot find my memory anywhere
Ah disappointment just doesn't care
Off in the distance just waiting there
Take back her keys, what shall we do today
Maybe a little lunch down at the ghost cafe
Sand in my sandals, my blood feels like red wine
They say, hey everything will work out fine

What is your opinion on shame?

What is your opinion on shame? Do you feel it easily or not? How has that impacted your life?

[Answered on Quora.com by Marcy Stehling]

When I went to a rehab program to get off drugs (back in the late 1990’s), I learned that I was a “shame-based person”. I didn’t know this about myself but when I learned more, it made sense.

I discussed this issue with a counselor and began to understand that it all began during my childhood.

It took me another 25 years to figure out why I felt shame so often. I was often shamed by my mother when I was a child. It only took a look of disapproval for me to feel shame wash over me. I didn’t get pep talks and wasn’t taught that I was indeed “good enough”. I went through life feeling ashamed of most everything about myself, from my appearance to the very essence of who I was.

I have been trying for the past 65 years to be good enough, especially in my mother’s eyes. I didn’t get anything besides disapproval and shame.

When I finally learned that my own mother is a covert or vulnerable narcissist, it rocked my world. I always thought she was so perfect that I could never measure up to her standards. To learn what really went on, what has been going on all my life, was shocking to me, but once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it. It is what it is.

I am my parents’ caregiver. More for my mom than my dad, as mom has dementia now and has serious physical limitations. The dementia has made things worse, of course. Dementia never makes anything better. For my whole life, my mom has been whispering lies and mean things about me to my dad behind my back. This caused conflict between my dad and me. She is still doing it but is more vicious about it nowadays. The difference is that my dad finally realizes what she is doing, and so now there is no conflict between Dad and me. He does tell me the things she says sometimes.

I still struggle with feelings of shame at times. It has been a long road to get to where I’m not ashamed of everything about myself. I’m thankful that my dad and I have always been close, because from him, I got all the good stuff.

If my mother ever knew that I spoke these words, she would come unglued. She of course would deny it and turn things around on me. It’s her thing.

How has this impacted my life? Well, because of feeling shameful, I didn’t live up to my abilities. I was afraid to try new things. I missed out on so much, just because I felt I wasn’t good enough, and I was so ashamed of that fact.

I don’t wallow in it. I can’t change what happened in my past. I can’t change the fact that my mom doesn’t like me and would rather I wasn’t around. The thing is that my folks need me and there is no one else to step in and do the things I do for them. It is me or a nursing home.

My dad tells me all the time that he is grateful for all I do. He says that if I wasn’t here with them every day, cooking, driving, mowing, cleaning, making appointments, etc, etc, they would have had to sell their property and move to a facility. He reminds my mom of that fact regularly. I have even heard my dad tell my mother that she better be nice to me or I might just pull up stakes and move on. Of course I would never do that.

It helps me process things to write about them. It helps me to speak my truth. This is not meant to be a whiny post and oh poor pitiful me. I’m tough now. I’m strong now. I know the truth now. I’m not ashamed of myself one bit.

You take what you are dealt and handle it. You allow yourself to grow emotionally and mentally, you deal with the broken hearts and regrets. You get out of self pity and become who you were meant to be. And that’s where I’m at today. I’m glad I know the truth. I no longer think I’m crazy. I can face whatever is thrown at me. I think the hard part is over.

Alabama 3 "Too Sick To Pray"

The The "Heartland" (official video)

Beneath the old iron bridges, across the Victorian parks
And all the frightened people running home before dark
Past the Saturday morning cinema that lies crumbling to the ground
And the piss-stinking shopping center in the new side of town
I've come to smell the seasons change and watch the city
As the sun goes down again
Here comes another winter of long shadows and high hopes
Here comes another winter waiting for utopia
Waiting for hell to freeze over
This is the land where nothing changes
The land of red buses and blue blooded babies
This is the place, where pensioners are raped
And the hearts are being cut from the welfare state
Let the poor drink the milk while the rich eat the honey
Let the bums count their blessings while they count the money
So many people can't express what's on their minds
Nobody knows them and nobody ever will
Until their backs are broken and their dreams are stolen
And they can't get what they want then they're gonna get angry
Well it ain't written in the papers, but it's written on the walls
The way this country is divided to fall
So the cranes are moving on the skyline
Trying to knock down this town
But the stains on the heartland, can never be removed
From this country that's sick, sad, and confused
Here comes another winter of long shadows and high hopes
Here comes another winter waitin' for utopia
Waitin' for hell to freeze over
The ammunition's being passed and the lords been praised
But the wars on the televisions will never be explained
All the bankers gettin' sweaty beneath their white collars
As the pound in our pocket turns into a dollar
This is the 51st state of the U.S.A.
This is the 51st state of the U.S.A.
This is the 51st state of the U.S.A.

12 years ago today

Emerson, Lake & Palmer‎ - Trilogy (1972) vinyl Album (minus A1 and B1)

What is the most romantic thing someone said or did to you?

[Answered on Quora.com by Audrey Lewis]

A close friend of mine shared a story that always warms my heart. She had been going through a tough time, dealing with the stress of her job and personal life. One evening, feeling particularly down, she decided to take a long walk to clear her head. Lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice the time and soon found herself in a part of town she wasn't familiar with, after dark.

Just as she started to feel uneasy, she noticed someone approaching her. It was a colleague from her office, someone she'd only spoken to in passing. He had seen her walking and, concerned for her safety, decided to follow at a distance to make sure she was okay. When he caught up to her, instead of just offering a ride home, he suggested they grab a cup of coffee at a nearby café.

They ended up talking for hours. He listened to her troubles, shared some of his own, and offered a comforting perspective that helped her see things in a different light. It wasn't a grand gesture or a dramatic declaration of love; it was a simple act of kindness and empathy at a moment when she needed it the most.

Years later, they're happily married. She always recalls that night as the moment she realized she'd found someone truly special. Someone who, without even knowing her well, showed her kindness and compassion when she needed it most. She often says it was the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for her, not because it was extravagant, but because it was genuine and heartfelt.

Triumvirat "Old Loves Die Hard" (full album)

What was the funniest thing you've heard a parrot say?
[Answered on Quora.com by Courtney Ballard]

Our little Quaker Parrot, Chip, came to us second-hand. We don't know where he lived before or who he learned to talk from.

He just sort of ... showed up one day, and became part of the family.

He was quiet at first, only the occasional CHIRP to let us know he could make noise. Then one day as I was petting him, I heard him muttering 'itsokayitsokayitsokay ...’

... and once those first words were out of his beak, it was like the floodgates opened, and for the next 11 years he didn't shut up. Mostly unintelligible squawking, but every day started with him shouting GOODMORNING and every evening saw IWANNGONITENITE as the sun went down. Opening the door onto the screen porch prompted WANNAGOoutSIIDE and when he was ready to come back in we were treated to GoinnaHOUSE.

During school — my wife homeschooled both our kids — he'd sing his version of ‘Old MacDonald’ or mutter under his breath as if mocking anyone doing math. When we read Shakespeare he’d squawk along as if part of the cast.

When we gave him treats, he’d say YUM YUM or S’GOOD, and when you came home after a long absense, he’d shout HEY DARLIN!! as you walked through the door.

One day, when the kids were very young, one of them threw a tantrum. A real floor-shaker. It was all my loving wife could do to get it calmed down, and as she made her way up the hallway from putting both kids in their rooms for a rest, into the now-quiet living room, Chip shouted “…WANNA BEER?” She called me practically in tears, laughing.

What should parents stop teaching their children?

[Answered on Quora.com by Vee Dattilio]

I have two things:

1. Sharing is caring. When your child has a little snack or they rock up to the playground with a new toy, they’re immediately bombarded by other kids demanding they share. Share your nice snack, share your new toy. While sharing is important, it shouldn’t be a law. A child shouldn’t be forced to give something of their up for other kids to take, use, and possibly break against their will. With school property, sure, this is fine. But really, I think the rule should be “Sharing is caring but you’re allowed to say no.”

2. You have no control over your own body. When I was a child, my dad taught my brothers and me that if someone said stop, we stop. This was mostly used for tickling. Even if it was our parents or grandparents who were doing that, the second we said stop it stopped. If we didn’t want to hug or kiss someone, it was up to us who got to touch our bodies and we were allowed to say no. If something was happening to our bodies and we didn’t like it, if someone was touching us and we didn’t want them to, we said stop and it would stop (excluding the doctor.) Consent matters. Even if it’s a child who doesn’t want to hug grandma, they deserve to have a say in who touches their body. I can’t imagine raising a child and forcing them into invasive physical contact explicitly against their will. What, does this sound like soft parenting for my dad? Touching someone when they said “stop” or “no” is as unthinkable to my brothers and me as cannibalism. He didn’t even apply the concept to sexual assault until we were in our teen years but the second he did, we accepted it. Because we knew that when someone said stop, we stopped. And that no one should continue to touch us even after we said stop. If we were all raised like that, I hazard to guess society would be a better place. Stop forcing your kids to let people touch them.

We get to love each other

Me & Coco

Radiohead "Everything In Its Right Place"

David Wilcox "Start With The Ending"

The Shins "Phantom Limb"

The Cure "A Forest"

Talk Talk -"Life's What You Make It" (official)

The Smiths "What Difference Does It Make?" (official video)

Triumvirat - Pompeii (Full Album Recorded from Vinyl)

What is the best way to respond when somebody tells you that they're not happy because of something that happened in the past?

[Answered on Quora.com by Ashes to Ashcraft]

While it is good practice to try and bring up your grievances in the moment, whenever one can, this is not always possible.

Have you ever heard that hindsight is 20/20? Sometimes someone needs time to reflect on what happened, or what was said, to know how they truly feel about it.

Sometimes the setting of a particular event influences the reaction someone had in the moment. For example, if you caught someone while they were in the middle of a huge, public meeting, or if they were in the midst of another very important and preoccupying thing, or perhaps they are just emotionally/physically at a limit. In such influential settings, people may react out of character, later reflect, and realize upon reflection that they are more hurt than they initially thought/reacted.

Sometimes people don't feel safe to admit their pain in the moment. Perhaps they are scared of admitting their feelings honesty and openly. Perhaps the people around at the time weren't a good crowd to bring this up to. Perhaps they worry that others will think their feelings are stupid or meaningless, and this person lacked confidence that they're trying to gain back by bringing it up now.

Think about yourself, for example. Everyone has that one memory that they reflect on with embarrassment, or that they cringe at, or that still haunts them in some capacity. You have to be sincerely privileged or incredibly naive to think back on your life and have nothing that stuck with you painfully at all whatsoever. I mean, if I asked you if anything painful happened to you in your life, you're not really telling me that you don't have one or two painful/traumatizing/spooky scary memories that come to the forefront of your mind? I don't buy that.


[Answered on Quora.com by Bonnie Sawyer]

First off, tell them it is understandable that the situation made them unhappy. Then maybe give an example and describe how a similiar situation in your own past made you unhappy. Then move on, saying what you learned by it, and how you have become a wiser person from it, and how you have grown from it.

You have learned to let go, because these things happen, and may happen again. But it doesn’t need to forever rob you of feeling happiness in your life. Remember things happen in our lives that we have no control over, but it doesn’t reflect on ourselves, as long as we rise above it and move on. Be the best person you can be and love yourself for it.

How do I impress my boss?

[Answered on Quora.com by Blue]

This is something I learned very early in my career. I always feel thankful for my former boss who taught me this lesson.

How to ask questions.

The first day I joined the company, after handing me all my personal devices and necessary office items, he led me to my cubicle and told me to self-study the system and come back to him by the end of the working day with questions. So I did. I brought back my two-page-long questionnaire and handed it to him. He read it, then told me to sit down. “Alright, question one, ‘What does (feature) x do?’”, he read my question out loud, “What do you think it does?”, he asked. I answered him with the thoughts I gathered when I studied the system. “Correct!”, he said, “Now, you see, with the way you first asked the question, if I answered it, it would have taken me five minutes to answer, but if you had asked ‘Does x do this’ including what you’ve learned, it would take me just seconds to answer ‘Correct!’ and I also would know that you actually studied and understood it. When you ask questions that you need answers to, make sure it takes the least time for the person you ask to answer. Yes/No is preferred.”

I took that advice seriously.

Instead of asking ‘What does that mean?’, I ask ‘Does that mean [my understanding]?’. Instead of ‘What should we do in this situation?’, I ask ‘In this situation, I propose the solution as below, do you have any directions or adjustments?’. Instead of ‘What time do you want the meeting to be?’, I ask ‘I checked your calendar, you have three open slots x, y, z; which one do you want to set up the meeting with Mr. A?’

This lesson has been a great help in my work, not just with my bosses, but also with other team members/ clients as well.

What was the funniest thing that happened to you in college?

[Answered on Quora.com by Jeffy]

I had an exam on English when I was in college, around 19 years old. The night before, I had helped my sister prepare for her in-class essay with the same teacher in English. My sister had problems with the course, and I excelled, so my teacher suggested I help her.

Anyways, in the middle of my exam, my teacher walks up, and without thinking, says "Thank you for last night" and walks away. Everybody in the class looked up at me. It was the middle of an exam, so I couldn't explain - so I just sort of turned around to my friends, gave them the look - look and went back to the test.

What is the hidden meaning behind compliments that men give to women, and how should women respond to them in order to come across as polite and respectful?

[Answered on Quora.com by Myra Scott]

Women
Are
Not
Required
To
Be
Polite
and
Respectful

A compliment from a random man generally means "I want attention from you” - but you are not required to give it. A compliment is a cheap way to start a conversation, because most people like to hear something nice about themselves.

Women don’t have to respond in any specific way. Women did not ask for this compliment. Women are busy with other things and do not have to drop their current inner dialog to entertain some rando who wants attention.

A brief smile and a “thank you” is plenty. If they think they’ve now started a conversation, feel free to move, turn away or ignore.

Not too long ago, at a farmer’s market, a man came up to me and said, “I like your dress.” That was nice. I smiled back and said, “Thank you,” warmly then returned to my shopping. He hovered behind me and when I moved to the next booth, so did he.

“So, you here alone today?” he asked.

I said, “No,” and moved to the next booth. No smiles.

“Who are you here with?” I didn’t answer or turn around. I wasn’t shopping now, I was trying to get away from him.

“Wait, do you want to go get coffee with me?” he was still trailing me.

“I don’t.” I was walking faster now and he was keeping up.

“Why not?” he asked. I stopped and turned around. He looked like a puppy I had kicked in the face but you know what? I didn’t ask for this.

“Because I don’t. Stop following me.”

“But if you’d just give me a chance ... let me buy you a coffee ...”

At that point, I left. Quickly, before he could see where I went. Morning at the farmer’s market cut short. Because some dumbass thought a compliment meant I was supposed to give up the rest of my morning to entertain him. And he literally chased me as I tried to avoid him.

What he did was make me feel unsafe because he wouldn’t accept no. And I haven’t been back to that farmer’s market since.

Radiohead "Everything in its Right Place"

Kyuss "Catamaran"

Massive Attack "Angel"

Should we put more pressure on women to be solo breadwinners so that equality can occur while men enjoy spending time at home?

[Answered on Quora.com by Feifei Wang]

Here’s an interesting research:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/may/20/paid-paternity-leave-study-spain-men-fewer-children

Basically, Spain rolled out a policy that provides parental leave for both parents. While men do take advantage of this policy and spend more time with their newborns, they also express less desire to have additional children. As in, once they realize how much work is involved in raising a child, they themselves wouldn’t want more of that.

So, how is this related to your question?

I don’t think men want to spend time at home. That’s the fundamental mistake of your question. You think if given the time and opportunity, men WANT to stay home and do all the domestic labor for free like women have done since the beginning of time. And you would be wrong. Men don’t want that.

I’ve observed many of my male co-workers stay at the office well into the night, playing video games or reading Reddit while their wives took care of the children at home. They would call their wives, telling them they’re doing overtime because of this or that project. Mind you, these are happy couples. Or at least, from my observation of them on their social media or at company events and the fact that they stayed together.

Men don’t want to spend time at home because house chores are never fun or enjoyable. Even if the wives are responsible for the majority (if not all) of the household's domestic labor, the husbands still don’t want to be in an environment where the baby is crying, and the wife is nagging.

The simple truth is that most men do not like women. They want wives and children because they’re socialized very early on during their childhood that having a woman who bears them children is what they are entitled to by simply being a man. They grow up in a family where women do most of the housework, and naturally, they believe a house would be automatically clean and well managed. When they go out and live as bachelors, they realize how much their lives would be better if they had a maid, nanny, therapist, and cook who provided sexual services at night. Even with that, they don’t want to go home and spend time there because they need their “peace and quiet.”

There have been so many anecdotal stories told by solo-breadwinner women about how their unemployed husbands would stay home and play video games all day without doing anything around the house, or the husbands grew resentful of their wives, who are more successful than them.

No. The problem isn’t women being breadwinners. The problem is how men were raised since childhood. The problem is how society teaches men to be entitled to a wife while never teaching them how to deal with their emotions or do any housework. I’m not talking about giving them a list. I’m talking about teaching men to generate the housework list themselves and understand the simple concept that “THIS IS YOUR FUCKING HOUSE, YOU FUCKING LIVE HERE TOO.”

Until we socialize boys and girls the same way, women being the solo breadwinners in the household will only lead to women working for their paying jobs for 8 hours, going home, and continuing their domestic unpaid labor for another 8 hours.

Men do not want to spend time at home. They like the idea of a home where they can relax while services are being provided to them.

Is forced fingering or oral sex (given and received) rape?

[Answered on Quora.com by Davis T.]

The use of erogenous zones or genitals without consent is always rape.

Penis in mouth, vagina, anus, on hands, legs, breasts without consent is rape. Ejaculating onto someone without consent is also sexual assault (rape and sexual assault have little to no difference legally).

Finger in mouth, vagina, anus, breasts or illicit touching anywhere can be considered sexual assault.

Inserting an object into a person is a sexual assault.

Forcibly giving someone oral sex (so mouth on the penis, clitoris, vagina or nipples of a person) is also sexual assault, i.e. rape.

In general, don´t touch someone in any way without their consent.

Why do parents give kids bottles and pacifiers until they are 4?

[Answered by Tracy Wood on Quora.com]

My daughter was 3.5 and I told her, this is the last pacifier, when this one is broken, you do not get a new one. And of course, the inevitable happened.

She couldn't sleep, crying her eyes out, she was inconsolable and so sad in and out, it broke my heart. But I said, I wouldn't buy a new pacifier. So I called my mom and told her what happened and asked her to buy a new one for her.

You really should have been there to see her little face when grandma gave her a new one, indescribably happy.

She knew that this was really the last one, and she treated it like a treasure. She kept it in her hand while falling asleep, gave it a little kiss or a lick, and it was handled with the best care ever.

A few months later, she became 4 and I made a nice bowl to put it in on the bedside table.

The last pacifier was never actually used.

Some kids don't want it at all, some will find trust in it a long time, but I never have seen a teenager with a pacifier, so eventually they all stop using one in their own time.

Inexpensive fresh water from seawater

Ingenious Solar Distiller

Breaking the Ties (from daily ACA email)

"As children we are tied to our families by our physical needs."

Many of us lived our childhood thinking what happened to us was our fault. But we existed at the whim of others. We were able to eat, but the price was being shamed by an angry parent or ignored by one who was self-involved. Some of us felt we were only given a place to sleep if we didn't talk about the abuse going on in our house. We blamed ourselves because we had no other way of understanding the situation.

Today, as we see our childhood for what it was, we learn to replace the abuse by cultivating an inner loving parent. This parent protects our Inner Child and allows us to sit with things until they sort themselves out. We don't jump to conclusions or overreach for an outcome that we can't see. If we don't know what to do, we call someone and get help to turn it over. We allow our feelings to flow freely. It is cathartic.

No longer are we tied to our families in an unhealthy way. We focus on ourselves and begin to accept a Higher Power of our understanding. We don't rush to judgment when there is no clarity. We are a part of an awesome universe and we know we can't see all sides of it at once. We accept that we are where we need to be for today.

On this day my inner loving parent creates boundaries that make my Inner Child feel safe and whole, regardless of what's going on around me.

Triumvirat "Spartacus"

The Police "Bring On The Night" guitar lesson

Why is life too short not to be in love?

[Answered on Quora.com by Maqbool Ahmed Dhawla - lightly edited by Anna]

The structure of the sentence is not becoming. It may have been, “ Why is life too short to fall in love?” The word, “ not” after “ too” is unwarranted. It has made this sentence almost meaningless.

Yes, life is too short to fall in love with anyone. You need a longer life - or at least you desire a longer span, larger than life, for this sweet task.

But you won’t agree with it. [An]other implication: you may mean that life is too short and can’t be wasted upon such a frivolous thing like love. The use of word “not” suggests you wanted to convey this sense.

At the end, we have discovered what exactly you want to convey. Probably, you want to say that human life is too short to indulge in love affair[s], because we have other important tasks ahead.

For example, If there is an issue of very survival, you will have to earn your bread first instead of infesting [investing?!] your mind with [a] love affair. If you are put in jail by authorities for a criminal case, you think about how to get rid of that, instead of falling in love with a pretty girl. If you are suffering from a painful disease, [the] cure is your love, not a fiancée. A hungry man will say two plus two make four breads. This is also called love of need. You love what is directly needed by you. You love food when you are hungry. You love drinks when you are thirsty. You love relief when you feel pains. You love honour when put into insult. You love peace when put into danger. Love is not restricted to countable situations. It has countless and immeasurable manifestations.

You love your self.
You love your family.
You love your profession.
You love your country.
You love humanity.
You love the creator of the universe.
You love [your?] religion.
You love your ideology.

Love is a feeling.
Sexual love is a kind of love.
Love has countless manifestations.
Life is love.
Love is life.
The whole universe is bound in love.
Galaxies are moving around in love.
The structure of atoms is based on love.
Love is energy.
Love is gravitation.
Our existence is the result of Allah’s love.
The whole universe is created in love.

Love is life and construction; hatred is death and destruction.

Therefore, it is totally wrong to say that life is too short to fall in love with anyone. Life is not separable from love. Love is not only for falling in love with the opposite sex. Sexual love, as I mentioned, is one manifestation of love. It is also very much cherished and required in human life. Nature has created a great attraction for opposites. Human love for humans is the most enjoyable feeling. This is a sacred feeling. It makes life more meaningful. You sacrifice your peace, wealth, time and priorities for another human being. You expound your views and feelings, infusing self-destruction, to find a new dimension in life, and a new energy. You convey your love with gestures, words and sometimes by silence [and via smiles and other good intentions! - Anna]. This provides your mind and heart with most divergent, colourful, deep and energetic experiences. Your warmth, vigour, vitality, cheerfulness and pleasantries increase manifold.

Really, life is too short over the planet to enjoy love. It is an eternal feeling and needs eternal life. Life in paradise is nothing but a manifestation of love.

Hope this will suffice.

What are some of the subtle signs that tell you someone you're interested in will break your heart?

What are some of the subtle signs that tell you someone you're interested in will break your heart? I'm not talking about obvious red flags, but someone who has nothing in her past that makes her an obvious no-no.

[Answered on Quora.com by Dushka Zapata]

Let me make this both easy and infallible.

Date her. Don’t date her. Either way I guarantee your heart is never safe.

This girl with the impeccable past and intriguing disposition - or the girl that comes after, maybe - will hurt you.

Then, you will put into place a million safeguards and precautions and dive right into marrying the wrong person.

Or, worse. You will marry the perfect wide-eyed girl and the bad guy will turn out to be you.

Someone you love is going to disappoint you, and if you are lucky it will be in a big way.

This is because being disappointed in a thousand nameless, secret ways can be even more disheartening.

Back to who will disappoint you. I can even predict who.

Everyone. Everyone you love.

No one can live up to the expectations we refuse to see we have.

If you do nothing and retreat and remain circumscribed to your living room and forever stay away from this girl you wish you could decode, your heart will break anyway.

The worst kind of heart hardening, or heart demolishing, or total disintegration, is to be so cautious that you miss everything that is beautiful.

Please, give yourself over to this girl who interests you. Risk everything for her. Lay with her still in the dark, taking in her smell and caress her hair and whisper these words to yourself: You are not safe. You are not safe. Not ever.

Now please. Go live your life. Don’t miss the very best part of it just because you are afraid.

Why do the British say "I need the loo" instead of "I need to use the restroom"?

[Answered on Quora.com by Colin Riegels]

It’s like the old joke about the two ways British men will tell their date that they need to go to the toilet.

A working-class British man will say: “I need to go and take a piss.”

An upper class British man will say: “Will you please excuse me - I just need to go and shake hands with an old friend, whom I hope to be able to introduce you to later.”

October 1, with memories of meeting a Good Human

“I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.” ― L. M. Montgomery


Continuing the pleasant early-autumn feeling with a heartwarming anecdote:
Yesterday [still during the enjoyable month of September] I was aided by a helpful human called Russ Warrick, a Realtor in Morgan Hill CA.

At 16+ miles, I had hiked too far for my current fitness level: the knees were feeling too painful to continue walking much longer.
I thought I had been hiking a short loop trail, but a tree was down and had closed one trail segment I needed, and I next mislocated myself at a trail junction, and then the problem continued to compound.
[This was at Rancho Cañada del Oro Open Space Preserve and Calero County Park.]
I finally came out on a busy road, though still more than 6 miles from my car.
My phone was dead from attempted map use - so there was no calling a driver.
I was thinking my options were getting desperate, with evening coming soon.
I stuck out my thumb to hitchhike.
"In today's world? Really, Anna?!"
(Yes, really. I was getting desperate.)
After losing hope, I only rarely faced towards some of the oncoming cars, with my thumb up, as I walked in the direction of my car. Mostly I turned and looked back at the road when an approaching vehicle was so loud that I thought my safety deserved top consideration, so I'd turn and look and make my front side face the road, or I'd back away from the road, when possible.
So many cars had whizzed by me at 55+ mph, just inches away.
Zoom, whoosh!
Finally a car stopped. Really?!
Yes, really.
And I could discern that it wasn't a beater, sketchy car or driver. Bonus! ;-)
Russ stopped to help me, after I had already given up hope.

The driver told me he couldn't believe that a person was hitchhiking, in this day and age.
I said I wouldn't have tried to do it, were I not desperate.
The driver said he wanted to stop to help me so that he could be sure that it would be a GOOD person who was stopping to aid me!

Russ drove me all the way to my car. I drove away whole, and in peace, with my worries fading into the past.

You could check out Russ' Realty page, if interested:

russwarrick.com

Isn't it best to do business with a person of integrity and kindness?

I think that Russ Warrick is a human being of integrity and caring! He sure helped me on September 30.
I will be grateful to Russ for the rest of my life, that my September 30 experience got much better instead of much worse.

"Bless you" <- "Yes, I already know that I've been richly blessed." ;-)

Steve Rothery "The Ghosts of Pripyat"

Kashmir "The Cynic" featuring David Bowie

Tony Banks "From the Undertow"

Brave Combo "Happy Wanderer" 8-21-88 Fitzgerald's

Greg & Anna on September 26, 2017:

What qualities or traits annoy you most about other people? How do you deal with it?

[Answered on Quora.com by Sean Kernan]

General self-serving and selfishness are completely exhausting.

The types who have to make every conversation about them. They change the subject back to their own problems or feel the need to one-up your story in front of everyone.

They often lack empathy and don’t know how to sympathize with people. You can generally spot these people from a mile away.

To deal with it, I typically find a way to go do something else and get out of their presence. I’ve lost my patience before, though, and told a guy that not everything needed to revolve around him. It caused an awkward pause in the group conversation, which I didn’t mind, because it gave me a reason to go get a drink at the bar.

This is why I am an introvert, and I avoid cocktail parties at all costs.

How do I cheer up or help a friend who doesn't say what's wrong?

[Answered on Quora.com by Buddug Y Byd]

How do I cheer up or help a friend who doesn't say what's wrong? Mine isn't doing well, so I made him a letter with a drawing and nice messages, now I'm buying him candy he likes, and I'm always telling him I'm there for him, what else could I do?

Stop trying to cheer them up, maybe? Just a suggestion; when things are really hard for me, I find the constant trying to make me “better” somehow, really wearing. Maybe tell your friend it’s OK not to be OK, you’re there for them and ask them if there’s anything you can do for them, to lighten their load. My friends ask me things like “do you need someone to talk to, a tight hug, some help with a problem that’s overwhelming you, or distracting with something fun?” I find it really helpful to be able to then choose what I need from them, if anything at all. If you perceive your friend's sadness as ‘wrong’ or then as in need of fixing, it may inadvertently encourage them to push you away; probably at the times they actually need a friend the most. The most important thing you can do, for yourself, is remember that it isn’t your role or responsibility to make someone feel good; my Nana would say “when you take responsibility for what isn’t yours, you’re no better than a thief. Give it back, you have no right to take it and you only disable them when you rob them of what’s rightfully theirs.”
It’s legitimately the single best bit of life advice I have ever been given.

How can you tell if someone is truly sorry for hurting you or if they are just saying sorry to avoid consequences and leave things as they were before?

[Answered on Quora.com by Lori Swain]

Actions speak louder than words. People can say anything, but it’s their actions that count. Someone can tell you a hundred times a day that they love you, while they're texting their lover.

We are taught at a young age to say “I’m sorry”. We are so young that we haven’t even developed empathy. We aren’t sorry, but we know that if we don’t say “I’m sorry”, we are going to be in trouble. So we say it without ever meaning it. We learn how to say it like we mean it, even though we don’t mean it. We learn at an early age to lie.

An apology is so much more than 2 words. "I’m sorry" is never an acceptable apology. “I’m sorry” is a personal insult. You say that you're sorry - a sorry POS. It’s not a worthy apology, as it doesn’t explain what they did that hurt you, or how they plan to make sure they don’t do it again. It’s a cop out. They aren’t apologizing - they’re trying to take the easy way out, they’re trying to slide one by you.

When someone tells you they’re sorry, ask them what they’re sorry for. Google what an apology really is.

Anyone can say "I’m sorry". But words mean nothing. How they treat you will tell the truth when words lie. You’ll be able to tell by their actions if they truly mean what they say. If your partner caused you pain and continues to cause you pain, and each time tells you they are sorry and won’t do it again, but they keep on causing you pain - that should be enough to know that they aren’t sorry, and they aren’t going to stop hurting you. If you continue to allow their bad behavior, one day you're going to need to apologize to yourself.

What keeps a man [a human] in love with his wife [their mate]?

[Answered on Quora.com by Don Zebert]

"A man [person] needs his wife [their mate] just to be his [their] best friend, best lovers everything else on top of that is a bonus."

CZU Survivors' Recovery

Linkin Park "One More Light" (official)

My five-year-old is too advanced for kindergarten, but the school administration here in Houston basically ignores me when I ask about skipping to 1st grade. What should I do?

[Answered by Ben Fox on Quora.com]

My son was the same way at 5. He could read, write, add, subtract, and was starting to learn multiplication when kindergarten started. I still put him in kindergarten. He needed the chance to hang out with kids his own age. To get used to going to school. To form friendships and play with playdough.

I still challenged him at home. Oh, believe me, his teacher noticed. She gave me first and second grade math books and had him do work from those instead of kindergarten homework. She encouraged his reading and let him work ahead of the class.

My son actually loved kindergarten. Don't deny your five year old the chance to experience that first year of school, that's not so much about learning, but about learning to be in school. Let your child have a year with peers. No matter how smart your child is, they need that year or two to reach emotional maturity.

Spiritual Experience (from daily ACA email)

"Who would have thought that talking, trusting, and feeling would equal a spiritual experience, but it does for adult children. We felt this new spirituality in our breathing and in the sense that we could face life on life's terms."

It seems rather simple: show up at a meeting, listen, share and go home. These basic acts of self-care bring significant changes to our lives. When we make time in our day to attend a meeting, we practice self-love. When we give each other attention, we show each other that we care. When we listen quietly, attentively and respectfully, we become witnesses of another person's growth and our own. When we feel comfortable enough to share our recovery story, we demonstrate trust in the group. When we make an effort to accept the space we are in, we display our own vulnerability and move forward.

These simple acts of self-care yield a spiritual experience that far outweighs our efforts. Our fellow ACAs listen with empathy without interrupting our process, and they witness our spiritual experience, too.

As we learn to trust and surrender to the process, memories or feelings surface from beneath the weight of the now crumbling false self. We become free to breathe, to take positive, simple steps as we heal and truly live our lives.

On this day I take simple steps to practice self-care so that I may experience the spiritual nature of my recovery.

Eastern Screech Owl

What are some novels that you believe (as a teacher, librarian, or parent) should not be taught or read in modern classrooms anymore?

[Answered by Carole Kyle on Quora.com]

As a teacher and a librarian, I abhor censorship. AS a teacher and librarian, I have seen the impact that books have on children. I've tried to explain to a child of color why Huck Finn is on the shelves of the library, even with the hateful language it contains. I will always have heavy on my heart his plaintive “That really hurt my feelings, reading that.”

You asked what books should not be taught, which is a separate question than that of what books should be available. Even narrowing the scope of the question doesn't make it easier to answer. At first I was going to fire off “Any book with hatred or ugliness at its core” but that is too facile. With the guidance of a caring, sensitive teacher, students can be helped to navigate that ugliness to find the redemption that lies at the end. They can learn from the mistakes of fictional characters, so that they can do better and be better in real life as they grow older. So I will qualify my original knee-jerk answer to say “Those books that glorify hatred or ugliness (of character).”

I can't suggest specific books, as that will change with each age group. This is an interesting question, and made me think.

Level 42 - "Mr. Pink" (Live At Reading Concert Hall, 01.12.2001)

Happy birthday to my dear friend

Here's a happy-sounding song for your day [- unlike what its title suggests]:

Enzo Jannacci "Quelli che"

The vocals are unusual in style and sound!



Quelli che cantano dentro nei dischi perché ci hanno i figli da mantenere, oh yeh!
Quelli che da tre anni fanno un lavoro d'equipe, convinti d'essere stati assunti da un'altra ditta, oh yeh!
Quelli che fanno un mestiere come un altro
Quelli che accendono un cero alla Madonna perché hanno il nipote che sta morendo, oh yeh!
Quelli che di mestiere ti spengono il cero, oh yeh!
Quelli che Mussolini è dentro di noi, oh yeh!
Quelli che votano a destra perché Almirante sparla bene, oh yeh!
Quelli che votano a destra perché hanno paura dei ladri, oh yeh!
Quelli che votano scheda bianca per non sporcare, oh yeh!
Quelli che non si sono mai occupati di politica, oh yeh!
Quelli che vomitano, oh yeh
Quelli che tengono al re
Quelli che tengono al Milan, oh yeh!
Quelli che non tengono il vino, oh yeh!
Quelli che non ci risultano, oh yes! Oh yeh!
Quelli che credono che Gesù Bambino sia Babbo Natale da giovane, oh yeh!
Quelli che la notte di Natale scappano con l'amante dopo aver rubato il panettone ai bambini, oh yeh! Intesi come figli, oh yeh!
Quelli che fanno l'amore in piedi convinti di essere in un pied-a-ter, oh yeh!
Quelli, quelli che sono dentro nella merda fin qui, oh yes! Oh yeh!
Quelli che con una bella dormita passa tutto, anche il cancro, oh yeh!
Quelli che, quelli che non possono crederci neanche adesso che la terra è rotonda, oh yeh!
Quelli che non vogliono tornare dalla Russia e continuano a fingersi dispersi, oh yeh!
Quelli che non hanno mai avuto un incidente mortale, oh yeh!
Quelli che non vogliono arruolarsi nelle SS
Quelli che ti spiegano le tue idee senza fartele capire, oh yeh!
Quelli che dicono "la mia serva", oh yes! Oh yeh!
Quelli che organizzano la marcia per la guerra, oh yeh!
Quelli che organizzano tutto, oh yeh!
Quelli che perdono la guerra... per un pelo, oh yeh! Oh yeh!
Quelli che ti vogliono portare a mangiare le rane, oh yeh!
Quelli che sono soltanto le due di notte, oh yeh!
Quelli che hanno un sistema per perdere alla roulette, oh yeh!
Quelli che non hanno mai avuto un incidente mortale, oh yeh!
Quelli che non ci sentiamo, oh yeh!
Quelli diversi dagli altri, oh yeh!
Quelli che puttana miseria, oh yeh!
Quelli che quando perde l'Inter o il Milan dicono che in fondo è una partita di calcio e poi vanno a casa e picchiano i figli, oh yeh!
Quelli che dicono che i soldi non sono tutto nella vita, oh yeh!
Quelli che qui è tutto un casino, oh yeh!
Quelli che per principio non per i soldi, oh yeh! Oh yeh!
Quelli che l'ha detto il telegiornale, oh yeh!
Quelli che lo statu quo che nella misura in cui che nell'ottica, oh yeh!
Quelli che non hanno una missione da compiere, oh yeh!
Quelli che sono onesti fino a un certo punto, oh yeh!
Quelli che fanno un mestiere come un altro
Quelli che aspettando il tram e ridendo e scherzando, oh yeh!
Quelli che aspettano la fidanzata per darsi un contegno, oh yeh!
Quelli che la mafia non ci risulta, oh yeh!
Quelli che ci hanno paura delle cambiali, oh yeh!
Quelli che lavoriamo tutti per Agnelli, oh yeh!
Quelli che tirano la prima pietra, ma che anche la seconda, la terza, la quarta e dopu? E dopu se sa no...
Quelli che alla mattina alle sei freschi come una rosa si svegliano per vedere l'alba che è già passata
Quelli che assomigliano a mio figlio, oh yeh!
Quelli che non si divertono mai neanche quando ridono, oh yeh!
Quelli che a teatro vanno nelle ultime file per non disturbare, oh yeh!
Quelli, quelli di Roma
Quelli che non c'erano
Quelli che hanno cominciato a lavorare da piccoli, non hanno ancora finito e non sanno che cavolo fanno, oh yeh!
Quelli lì...

Are humans naturally predators or prey? Some animals can be both predator and prey, but are we more of one than the other?

[Answered on Quora.com by Rakibul Islam]

Have you ever seen a child or human child playing?

Almost every human child loves these three games:

Throwing stones
Chasing small animals (cats, dogs)
Hide and seek

These are not random and you can probably see where this is going. Children like to throw stones, because for approximately 98% of our existence as humans, this was our best attack against other animals. Pick up a stone and throw it, we can do it with precision and with considerable force, one of the only animals capable of doing so. A precision-thrown stone can kill a small animal immediately, or else stun a larger one. Several thrown stones will knock down even large animals, predators or prey.

The chase is pretty obvious, you run after something and hopefully catch it. It is a form of direct hunting. Hide and seek is a form of game where you practice chasing your prey and also a way to locate camouflaged or hidden prey. It also helps to find berries or mushrooms or to hide from danger.

All mammalian predators play as young, and their games are evolutionarily adapted to help them lead predatory lives. At least three of the most popular games that human children love are quite predatory in nature.

Clearly a sign of a herbivore, right?

What is some surprisingly good advice you've received from a convict?

[Answered on Quora.com by Jesus Alex Lechuga]

I met this guy in prison that had been locked up for over 10 years. He was a hard core gang member.

The first time that I saw him, I didn't like him. Actually, I know this is wrong, but I sort of hated him. The guy intimidated me just by being there. He was one of those guys that you look at and wonder how many people he has killed.

Anyway, he turned out to be a decent man. This individual shook my hand one day, and asked me if I was in a gang. Inside I'm wondering whether or not I should seek help. That's how scary this guy looked.

We talked for a while and the conversation was nothing like I expected. This man told me that he was doing a 25-year sentence because he killed his cousin after coming home to find him in bed with his spouse. It was considered a crime of passion. He said that he regretted doing this because it haunts him every single day.

He took a class in prison so that he wouldn't be on the system as a verified gang member.

I started opening up to my new friend, he laced me up about who I should stay away from, and he said “you're going to be tested over and over again. You should learn how to discipline yourself by walking away from confrontations. It will be hard at first, and you will feel a little angry, but proving yourself in this place is going to be nothing but a freak show for most of these guys. You're going to satisfy their cravings for violence but in the end you will lose whether you win the fight or not. Think of every single one of these guys as if they were your brothers.”

I didn't really agree with this guy but later on, whenever I started feeling anger towards certain individuals, I thought of them as my brother, Mark. I saw some kind of characteristic of my brother in some of these guys. This made me realize what this man was talking about. There were times that I felt like pummeling some of these inmates, but I just imagined the same thing happening to my baby brother, and this totally made me forget my anger.

I stayed case free for the whole three years that I was in prison. It was not easy, but that advice that I received is mostly what saved me from either hurting someone, or getting hurt myself.

Brave Combo "Do Something Different"

Craig Chaquico "Native Tongue (New At Two)"

Mahavishnu Orchestra "Birds Of Fire"

Jean-Luc Ponty "Ethereal Mood"

The Whitest Boy Alive "Fireworks"

40 Fingers feat. Andy Summers "Bring On The Night"

When the teacher wrote "see me after class" on your paper, what did they say to you?

[Answered by Ralph Cordell via Quora.com]

From the other side of the desk -

I once wrote “see me after class” on an exam paper I handed back to a student in a university Intro Biol class I was teaching. It was in the South shortly after 9/11 and based on his name and appearance, the young man was obviously east Asian or Middle Eastern. He had also done an outstanding job on the exam - getting by far the highest grade in the class - for the second or third time. He seemed a bit of a loner and I just wanted to check in with him. see if he was okay and be a friendly face. I told him it was obvious that he was not a local southern boy, that I suspected he was from a part of the world that was not particularly popular in the area at the time and that I hoped he was doing okay. He told me that the treatment that he was getting was nothing compared to what he received in his homeland, that he was a Bahai from Iran and left his country to avoid all the religious persecution. I congratulated him on his excellent performance in my class and asked about his other classes and goals. He said he was getting A’s in all his other classes and hoped to become an engineer. The university where I was teaching is good school and very strong in some areas. However it was not particularly strong in the applied physical sciences and engineering. I suggested he consider transferring to a school where he would be more challenged. When he asked me where, I said “Oh University of Chicago, Stanford, Princeton, MIT - someplace like that”. I am not an engineer but tried to name off a few schools that I thought would be good.

Several months later, he emailed me - telling me that he had taken my advice, checked all those schools and found that MIT was the only one that would accept transfers at that time. Would I write a letter of recommendation for him? The young man had done what I suggested so I had no choice but to support him. Now, I am a pro at LORs and wrote one of my killer letters of recommendation for him. I shot straight but included all the info I would want to see if I were on the other end- telling what I knew of the young man, the nature of our relationship and my opinion of his abilities and performance - all with factual examples. I concluded by saying if they were half as smart as I thought they were, they would take him into their program.

A while after that, he contacted me to say that he was transferring to MIT. Several years later I did a GOOGLE search on his name and found that he had received a masters in electrical engineering from MIT.

Some “see me after class” notes may lead to dark places but most are written to get a better understanding of a situation. I tend to think that they indicate that an instructor/teacher cares enough about the situation to try to resolve it. I was fortunate to have had some really excellent mentors and have tried to honor them. I also respected my students. Most were in school because they wanted an education. Some took my classes because they had to - others because they wanted to. Some faced major obstacles in their lives including rather weak educational foundations. Still most came and tried. This is one of several that stands out.

Are some people invisible?

[Answered on Quora.com by Bill Otto]

Not in a literal sense.

But it has often been said that middle-aged women are perfect spies because they are invisible. No one notices them.

I was once invisible. I was a very young loan counselor at a credit union. Some people had trouble seeing me because they were expecting something else.

People who work as extras in Hollywood try to be invisible. They manage to keep you from seeing their faces, or any other personally identifiable features.

The more you look like you belong in the environment and behave exactly as expected, the more likely you are to be “invisible”.

Huge Achievement

What did you do that was a huge achievement for you but very insignificant to the people around you?
[answered by Jordan Yates via Quora.com]

This morning, I woke up to a text from my bank.

“Unusual account activity— call this number”.

I called and the automated machine said it would read back my last five transactions to check for anything weird.

“Video entertainment— $65. California.”

“Video entertainment— $10. Declined. France.”

“Video entertainment— $10. Declined. France.”

“Gas— $30. Colorado.”

“Gas— $30. Wyoming.”

I was pretty sure I hadn’t been to France or California recently, so I checked my account summary and noticed I had -$50 in my account.

I’m taking poor college kid to a whole new level. I’m negative poor right now.

So I called their fraud number and the woman on the other end walked me through securing my account and getting a new card. She asked a few questions, told me my card was on its way, and hung up.

The achievement was not that I got my card number stolen. It wasn’t that I managed to put my account $50 under.

It’s that I made a phone call.

That sounds awfully small and to everyone around me it is, but I have been known to have panic attacks when forced to make phone calls. I hate ‘em. They make me anxious and uncomfortable and incredibly stressed.

I struggle with hearing on the phone (and in general, really), which exacerbates my social anxiety and makes phone calls some of the worst interactions I can have.

But today, I did it. The woman even had an accent and I think I understood her and responded correctly.

It’s a small thing, but when it’s one of your biggest fears, it can feel like the greatest thing in the world.

COIN "Chapstick" (Official Video)

Tolerating the Unacceptable (from daily ACA email)

"We will see how our low self-esteem has us judging ourselves mercilessly, giving others the benefit of the doubt, and tolerating inappropriate behavior."

Many of us were taught that it was virtuous to "put up with" whatever was doled out, shut up about whatever was going on, and deny our feelings in the process. This led us to doubt our own perceptions, which led us to doubt our own self-worth. Because we actually survived, some of us interpreted our ability to deal with unacceptable situations as resilience.

Unfortunately, we didn't learn that it was acceptable to set boundaries and limits, and that it was okay to say "no" to unacceptable behavior. We don't have to be stoic, or pretend that things don't bother us when they do. We don't have to apologize for stuff that's not ours or feel ashamed when we feel triggered. We have the right to our reality, our experiences, and our feelings.

With the help of our recovery support system, we are now learning to trust, to feel, and to talk; this is a wonderful way to live. We can surround ourselves with people who listen to us and acknowledge our feelings. We can be more human, vulnerable, and safe.

On this day I remind myself that being resilient (tolerating abuse) is not the way I want to live my life. I can relax and trust safe people.

Will child-free people get lonely in old age without kids?

Answered by Bree Leeland via Qoura.com
I have kids and I get lonely.

My kids went to the best schools, had a college fund, and both were gifted a car upon graduation from college. As they grew up, I took them camping and taught them to fish, hunt, and survive.

My kids don’t call, write or visit. I see my grandkids once or twice a year …

You can sacrifice 100% for your kids, and still be alone in old age. No worries. I stay busy.

I have kids and I get lonely.

My kids went to the best schools, had a college fund, and both were gifted a car upon graduation from college. As they grew up, I took them camping and taught them to fish, hunt, and survive.

My kids don’t call, write or visit. I see my grandkids once or twice a year …

You can sacrifice 100% for your kids, and still be alone in old age. No worries. I stay busy.

Two Things That Deeply Psychologically Change a Person

BAP "Aff un zo"

Aff un zo ess alles herrlich, aff un zo och janz erbärmlich,
Aff un zo jeht einfach alles schief.
Aff un zo hätt mer verloore, aff un zo weed mer öm sieh Glöck bedroore,
Aff un zo hällt mer die Uhre stief. Manchmohl nimmste alles leich un
Manchmohl fällt dir alles furchtbar schwer. Et selve Glas kann morjens
Halvvoll sinn un ohvends ess et dann halvleer. Manchmohl schweb mer
En Jedanke op Wolke un steht met singe Fööß em Dreck. Et kütt vüür,
Dat mer nit wiggerweiß un et dann klapp em selve Augebleck, em selve
Augebleck. Aff un zo föhlt mer sich schutzlos, aff un zo einsam un nutzlos,
Aff un zo, wenn einer frööch: " Okay!" Aff un zo ess mer dä Eezte,
Aff un zo natürlich och ald ens dä Letzte, aff un zo deit mer sich selver leid.
Jede Minsch mäht schon ens Fähler, selvs dä Einstein hätt sich ens verdonn.
Nur eins darf mer nit verjesse: Et jeht wigger hinger'm Horizont,
Hinger'm Horizont. Aff un zo steht mer vüür'm Spejel un denk:
" Du kriss nix jeregelt!" Aff un zo sieht mer rundömm kei Land.
Aff un zo ess mer ahm schänge, aff un zo sing eij'ne Zweifel ahm verdränge,
Aff un zo ess mer total entspannt. Aff un zo läuf alles super,
Aff un zo ess mer dä Loser, aff un zo steht mer sich selvs em Wääsch.
Aff un zo deit dir ding Seel wieh. Aff un zo hätt mer janz einfach keine
Plan mieh, aff un zo jeht et uns janit schlääsch.

Oi Va Voi "7 brothers"

Porcupine Tree "In Formaldehyde"

Lou Reed "Perfect Day"

Sarcasm - treated on Quora.com

Do you know why your dad stopped loving your mother?

[Answered by Caroline on Quora.com]

He didn't. They were together for over 60 years. After his death, she found a folder in which he had painstakingly put together a guide to everything she would ever need to do after his death. Not just the funeral stuff but what bills needed to be paid and when, how often to test the smoke alarm, people's birthdays. Literally everything. This may sound a bit patronising but my mother, while a lovely woman, had no idea how to change a light bulb. He was a kind and devoted husband and I am proud to have been his daughter.

Ella Fitzgerald "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"

Girls Who Read

Step Six (from daily ACA email)

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

We may have balked at the words "character defects." Wouldn't a more appropriate term be "character defenses?" Didn't they get us through an unlivable situation? Wasn't the destruction we experienced part and parcel of surviving a hostile environment?

But whether we call them defects or defenses, we finally realize they don't work in our lives anymore, that we are ready to put them down. We begin to ask our Higher Power to remove these things as we are ready to give them up. The process becomes intuitive as we continue to work the Steps, become sponsors, and see the positive effects the program has on ourselves and others.

We shed our coping mechanisms as we see them for what they really are. We can't believe we haven't seen them before, but now we know and won't go back. This new way of life is based on accountability. We cultivate our inner loving parent and show our Inner Child we can be trusted. Just as a healthy parent sets safe boundaries for a child, we set boundaries for ourselves. Our hurt parts no longer run the show. Our Inner Child walks into the love and flourishes.

On this day I become willing to examine and remove the next defect that I'm tired of carrying around.

Esbjörn Svensson Trio "Elevation of Love"

Dandy Warhols "Good Morning"


Airbag "All Rights Removed"


Folk Implosion "Insinuation"


P.J. Harvey "We Float"

Lafayette Gilchrist "Assume the Position"

The Church "Antenna"


NEU! "Hallogallo"


Mint Royale "From Rusholme With Love"

People Pleasing (from daily ACA email)

"We believe that we will be safe and never abandoned if we are ‘nice' and if we never show anger."

We went overboard to give to and care for others. No one asked us, yet we expected that in return they would nurture, praise, and acknowledge us. But why should other people be expected to go out of their way to fulfill our needs? When did they sign the contract we carried in our minds?

We learn in recovery that the praise, confidence, and caring we need must come from within ourselves. Being too nice eventually leads us to feel angry, resentful, and anxious.

As we begin to express our true feelings, we focus on ourselves and direct our energy toward identifying and correcting our character defects. Instead of getting stuck in our niceness, we follow the ACA Steps in our daily lives. As a result, heartfelt peace and contentment heal us and our relationships, one day at a time.

Relying on our Higher Power enables us to become stronger spiritually. As we no longer depend on others for our happiness, our self-confidence increases.

On this day I will stay mindful of how easy it can be to fall back into my people-pleasing mode. To help me move forward and avoid burnout, I will rely instead on my Higher Power and my sponsor to guide me.

The The "Helpline Operator"

I watch the sun go down on London town
I wait for the night voices to sound
I smell the pain upon the breath of the lost and lonely
I hear the thoughts that whisper in the hearts of all men
I'm the helpline operator and I'll spare you the time
I'm the intimate stranger. Your problems will be mine
Put your tongue into the mouthpiece
And whisper in my ear
Admit to me
the things you can't admit to yourself
Admit to me and no one else
Everybody's looking for someone
to tell them what they want to hear
Everybody's looking for true love
To help them feel what they cannot feel
I'm the helpline operator, can you spare me the time
I'm the intimate stranger - your problems will be mine
I'm the helpline operator
Helpline operator (X3)
True love will come
True love will come
Helpline operator (X4)

Noiseshaper "All A Dem A Do"

Badly Drawn Boy "Everybody's Stalking"

An animal's fear of the unknown

... is its strongest and most life-enhancing first response to a perceived potential threat.

When the unknown is confronting one, this could well be the best time to invoke a fear response.
Maybe other times, a fear response could become maladaptive.
As an aside: when does the unknown become known? (When does the animal stop arching its back and start relaxing its heart rate?)
What mechanisms facilitate this? [Parasympathetic nervous system?]

And despite thoughts of animal fear responses: I pledge that I will spend much more time in the forest.
The forest is still moist and full of new and old life, and offers some peace, some of the time.•
•There are most likely still humans and animals nearby, with unknown [!] danger potential.

Life's Too Short [not to be in love]

by Joe Pickles, via Quora.com

I came to a great realization about life at my grandfather's funeral.

Everyone was upset and crying except my grandmother; she was smiling.
I asked her why, she said "It's a lovely day for a funeral, the sun is shining, all my family and friends are here, and we get to say goodbye to a great man."
I asked her if she missed him, she said "We were married for 65 years, after 30 years I knew him as well as I know myself, we had long run out of things to say to each other, we were one, so he hasn't really gone."
"I suspected he was dying, he was going over our finances all week, I'm glad he died first, I've been the best wife I could be, and looked after him to the end." she said.
This horrified me at first, especially since I knew his cause of death was a heart attack, and the autopsy result said for an 86 year old man he was fighting fit, and minor bypass surgery would have kept him going for another decade.

Later that week, my Grandmother was excited and full of jubilation, that she would no longer have to cook and clean for him, and she was finally free to do as she wished. She wanted to continue learning Italian, and her computer studies (she was 82!) and could now play a more active role in her charity work. I could not understand this, so I asked her if she was covering her sadness up with activity.

She stopped, sighed, and sat me down and said to me, "How many times have you considered your own mortality?" I said "lots." "And you're only 22, how many times do you think we considered it?" she said.

"Your grandfather has sons, daughters, grandchildren and great-grandchildren." "He survived a war, a shark attack, and two sunken fishing boats." "He spent 50 years fishing which was the job he loved, and 37 glorious years in retirement." " We spent a year traveling Australia, and still more fishing, and when we got home, we went again, four more times." "He did everything he ever wanted to do and then some, and he decided that his life was finished, probably some years ago."

I asked her "What about you?"
"I've got plenty to do yet, sonny" - and with that she got up and patted me on the head and left.

She's 87 now and hasn't finished ...

Everybody's lifespan is different, for some sadly it is incredibly short.
So make the most of everyday as if it were your last because it could be.
If you achieve everything you ever dreamed of you have won, no matter how long that may be.

Feeling Understood (from daily ACA email)

"My sister and I don't communicate any longer since she doesn't understand who I am."

We used to make excuses for people when we said things like, "Oh, they don't know any better." There may be a lot of truth in that statement, but it feels like we were saying, "They just didn't see me when they ran me over, so it's okay." Just because someone is a family member doesn't mean we should accept the unacceptable, including subtle things like them not really hearing us, or less subtle things like having them label us as over-reactive.

We can now tell whether we're being heard or not. We realize that others don't have to agree with us, but they may not disrespect us. We recognize our needs and start to speak up for ourselves. We are learning to live a healthy emotional life, no longer wishing to be around denial and shame. We let go of those who can't journey onwards with us because we cannot carry them while we are climbing to the heights we need to keep our heads above water. We may reconnect with them later, but that will be our choice.

Before recovery, we may have spent all our energy on our families because we thought that was what we were supposed to do. Now we give our "gifts" to those who can appreciate and actually understand them.

On this day I choose to spend my time and energy on those who wish to make this journey with me. I deserve to be heard and loved for who I am.

Learning to Thrive (from daily ACA email)

"We learned to keep our thoughts and desires close to our hearts."

As we grew up, it was not safe to share any part of us. When we risked being vulnerable and letting people know what we wanted, we were shamed and ridiculed, made to feel stupid for having needs at all, let alone dreams. Our struggles may have been as basic as having to keep our own clothes clean or finding food to eat. We put all our energy into surviving. By the time we were done, we had no energy to claim our birthright, the ability to dream.

Today, we nurture ourselves by deciding what we want the universe to send us, because we're open to the possibility that we can have those things. We allow ourselves to swim around in the scent of promise. We deserve it. We realize that wanting something is not bad; it's a healthy part of being human. We allow our minds and hearts to wander because this is how we learn what we want and need. We no longer stifle ourselves with negative images and thoughts. When we are blocked, we talk about it with our sponsor or share in meetings. We don't keep it to ourselves and allow our souls to wither with isolation. We now put our needs first and are not waiting for anyone to rescue us.

On this day I will show up for myself by allowing myself to think of what I want and not just what I need to survive and thrive.

Pienokainen lyrics

Pienokainen
Kylmä huoneessain
Kylmä huulillain
Kauan kuulla sain
Kauan

Kauan
En palata voi, en voi
Kauan
En palata voi

Pois, hei lennä pois
Pois
Pois, hei lennä pois
Pois
Pois, hei lennä pois
Pois
Pois, hei lennä pois
Tyttöni pois

Taivas reunallain
Taivas unessain
Kauan tietää sain
Kauan

Kauan
En salata voi, en voi
Kauan
En salata voi

Pois, hei lennä pois
Pois
Pois, hei lennä pois
Pois
Pois, hei lennä pois
Pois
Pois, hei lennä pois
Tyttöni pois

Polttaa
En paeta voi, en voi
Polttaa
En paeta voi

Pois, hei lennä pois
Pois
Pois, hei lennä pois
Pois
Pois, hei lennä pois
Pois
Pois, hei lennä pois
Tyttöni pois

The Small One
Coldness in my room
Coldness on my lips
I got to hear it for a long time
For a long time

For a long time
I can't return, I can't
For a long time
I can't return

Away, hey fly away
Away
Away, hey fly away
Away
Away, hey fly away
Away
Away, hey fly away
Away, my daughter

Heaven at my edge
Heaven in my dream
I got to know it for a long time
For a long time

For a long time
I can't conceal it, I can't
For a long time
I can't conceal it

Away, hey fly away
Away
Away, hey fly away
Away
Away, hey fly away
Away
Away, hey fly away
Away, my daughter

It burns
I can't run, I can't
It burns
I can't run

Away, hey fly away
Away
Away, hey fly away
Away
Away, hey fly away
Away
Away, hey fly away
Away, my daughter