How do I cheer up or help a friend who doesn't say what's wrong?

[Answered on Quora.com by Buddug Y Byd]

How do I cheer up or help a friend who doesn't say what's wrong? Mine isn't doing well, so I made him a letter with a drawing and nice messages, now I'm buying him candy he likes, and I'm always telling him I'm there for him, what else could I do?

Stop trying to cheer them up, maybe? Just a suggestion; when things are really hard for me, I find the constant trying to make me “better” somehow, really wearing. Maybe tell your friend it’s OK not to be OK, you’re there for them and ask them if there’s anything you can do for them, to lighten their load. My friends ask me things like “do you need someone to talk to, a tight hug, some help with a problem that’s overwhelming you, or distracting with something fun?” I find it really helpful to be able to then choose what I need from them, if anything at all. If you perceive your friend's sadness as ‘wrong’ or then as in need of fixing, it may inadvertently encourage them to push you away; probably at the times they actually need a friend the most. The most important thing you can do, for yourself, is remember that it isn’t your role or responsibility to make someone feel good; my Nana would say “when you take responsibility for what isn’t yours, you’re no better than a thief. Give it back, you have no right to take it and you only disable them when you rob them of what’s rightfully theirs.”
It’s legitimately the single best bit of life advice I have ever been given.