How can you tell if someone is truly sorry for hurting you or if they are just saying sorry to avoid consequences and leave things as they were before?

[Answered on Quora.com by Lori Swain]

Actions speak louder than words. People can say anything, but it’s their actions that count. Someone can tell you a hundred times a day that they love you, while they're texting their lover.

We are taught at a young age to say “I’m sorry”. We are so young that we haven’t even developed empathy. We aren’t sorry, but we know that if we don’t say “I’m sorry”, we are going to be in trouble. So we say it without ever meaning it. We learn how to say it like we mean it, even though we don’t mean it. We learn at an early age to lie.

An apology is so much more than 2 words. "I’m sorry" is never an acceptable apology. “I’m sorry” is a personal insult. You say that you're sorry - a sorry POS. It’s not a worthy apology, as it doesn’t explain what they did that hurt you, or how they plan to make sure they don’t do it again. It’s a cop out. They aren’t apologizing - they’re trying to take the easy way out, they’re trying to slide one by you.

When someone tells you they’re sorry, ask them what they’re sorry for. Google what an apology really is.

Anyone can say "I’m sorry". But words mean nothing. How they treat you will tell the truth when words lie. You’ll be able to tell by their actions if they truly mean what they say. If your partner caused you pain and continues to cause you pain, and each time tells you they are sorry and won’t do it again, but they keep on causing you pain - that should be enough to know that they aren’t sorry, and they aren’t going to stop hurting you. If you continue to allow their bad behavior, one day you're going to need to apologize to yourself.