What is the best way to respond when somebody tells you that they're not happy because of something that happened in the past?

[Answered on Quora.com by Ashes to Ashcraft]

While it is good practice to try and bring up your grievances in the moment, whenever one can, this is not always possible.

Have you ever heard that hindsight is 20/20? Sometimes someone needs time to reflect on what happened, or what was said, to know how they truly feel about it.

Sometimes the setting of a particular event influences the reaction someone had in the moment. For example, if you caught someone while they were in the middle of a huge, public meeting, or if they were in the midst of another very important and preoccupying thing, or perhaps they are just emotionally/physically at a limit. In such influential settings, people may react out of character, later reflect, and realize upon reflection that they are more hurt than they initially thought/reacted.

Sometimes people don't feel safe to admit their pain in the moment. Perhaps they are scared of admitting their feelings honesty and openly. Perhaps the people around at the time weren't a good crowd to bring this up to. Perhaps they worry that others will think their feelings are stupid or meaningless, and this person lacked confidence that they're trying to gain back by bringing it up now.

Think about yourself, for example. Everyone has that one memory that they reflect on with embarrassment, or that they cringe at, or that still haunts them in some capacity. You have to be sincerely privileged or incredibly naive to think back on your life and have nothing that stuck with you painfully at all whatsoever. I mean, if I asked you if anything painful happened to you in your life, you're not really telling me that you don't have one or two painful/traumatizing/spooky scary memories that come to the forefront of your mind? I don't buy that.


[Answered on Quora.com by Bonnie Sawyer]

First off, tell them it is understandable that the situation made them unhappy. Then maybe give an example and describe how a similiar situation in your own past made you unhappy. Then move on, saying what you learned by it, and how you have become a wiser person from it, and how you have grown from it.

You have learned to let go, because these things happen, and may happen again. But it doesn’t need to forever rob you of feeling happiness in your life. Remember things happen in our lives that we have no control over, but it doesn’t reflect on ourselves, as long as we rise above it and move on. Be the best person you can be and love yourself for it.