How do you quickly determine in a first conversation whether someone is worth getting to know or worth avoiding?

[Answered on Quora.com]

“I don’t like” answering questions that require that I pass judgment on making negative judgments - heh! (Well, I can still choose whether or not I am going to do it, anyway.)

If and when possible, it’s likely that I would ask a series of open-ended questions at the beginning of the interaction. I would then evaluate the new person’s responses. At the same time, I would evaluate the body language that newbie is displaying: is it syntonic [responsive to and in harmony with the environment] to the overall apparent message of newbie?

Maybe I don’t even need to ask any questions. Maybe newbie is acting in a way that attracts attention - and then all I have to do is watch, and evaluate what I think I’m seeing. For example, is newbie acting like a loud attention-seeker? If I see apparent self-serving behavior immediately, when the actual goal of most is to have a pleasant group social experience [it’s a social experience when more than one person is present], then I can know that it’s okay to silently pass negative judgment and walk away from that situation. [Sorry, but right now I’m having an imagined visual of George Santos testily defending himself, after his misdeeds were exposed to the masses. I really didn’t need to inject anything political - and I feel that negatively judging his actions need not be political; my judgments only need to judge his deeds and their outcomes, when I decide that he did not conduct himself appropriately. I could have been negatively influenced by any miscreant of any type; that guy was in the news as I was typing this, and I’m currently still thinking about his particular personality adaptation. Partygoer: try not to be as blatantly self-serving as Santos was alleged to have been - and then, when in a group situation, the other guests will gladly welcome and include you for much longer.]

I often hope to see some general green-light behavior from newbies that will reveal to me that it’s worth me keeping them [positively] in my sights. Frankly, pleasant mirroring activity by the other will either reassure me or trick me into continuing an interaction. If Rose is acting “as sweet as a rose” towards me, in a given moment, then I might allow her to continue to do so, for a while longer. If I want - or feel motivated to - I can repeatedly reevaluate to see if I’m still in agreement with my early judgment that “she is acting as sweet as a rose to me”. And I can keep in the back of my mind, the idea that a rose may also have thorns - so I can have an out, if new information lets me know that more time spent in this situation will not return to me greater ROI [ha ha ha ha ha - that was written partly tongue-in-creek: I’m looking for a River that will recharge my aging and overused aquifer of Trust and Long-Term Lubrication for Human Interactions ;-) {Yeah, I’ve been reading about overdrawn aquifers, too.}].

And there are other things I care about, in an interaction. It does affect me, whether the new person has interesting and useful information for me - or at least pleasant-enough lightweight conversation, for the moment at hand. [For me personally, lightweight banter is {possibly Boring} Spacer Fluff for me, that sometimes could be done without - except that our brains like a little time to get used to a new situation, so to me that’s the actual use of Spacer Fluff Time; it allows more time and opportunity to evaluate one another’s micro-expressions and other information.]

For me, I find it difficult to withstand a very slow talker. My mind quickly wanders, to what I had been motivated to be thinking about, before the interaction started. Or if my mind was not reengaged by my recently-former thoughts - then I could be thinking about Food. Is there Food at this meet-and-greet that we’re at? ;-)

If the newbie somehow helps me get yummy party food faster - then there is probably a good chance that I will allow mutual shared orbits for at least a little while longer. [Sorry not sorry, for a somewhat flippant response this time. I think I was slightly prickly because of having to think about how I’d negatively judge someone that was new to me. Such a precept doesn’t allow me to indulge my fantasy of being a perfectly all-welcoming individual at all times, to all people. ;-) ]