How can we determine if someone genuinely wants to change for the better or if they are just trying to manipulate our perception of them?

[Answered on Quora.com by Iris Smaus]

Only when actual change begins to occur. Most of us know we have a problem, but solving it is what seems overwhelming to so many, hence the promises that are not kept. They may be genuinely wanting to change, but wanting to and achieving it can be very far apart. Maybe they’ve even tried in the past and failed, and that can create significant self-doubt in the individual, sadly. This is particularly true with addiction and those with anger issues. They know it’s a problem, they just don’t have confidence they can fix it, that they’re up to the task, because it takes a lot of effort and self-examination, and those are difficult for a lot of people.

If it’s someone we’re close to, we can remain supportive while keeping a realistic wait and see attitude. Putting the person down, calling them out constantly will work against those goals. As long as we do that we’re placing ourselves in a superior position that will only make the other person feel worse, and most likely avoid us and our finger pointing in the future. When we’re at our wit’s end with someone and they’ve exhausted us, we have every right to remove ourselves, at least temporarily - refusing to engage with the person who is causing us grief. ‘Keep me posted on how things are going!’ leaves them with a positive note, but we can be unavailable until we see some progress. There’s no reason to allow others with problems to drag us down with them, it won’t help them and it won’t benefit us.