I’m 14. How can I explain to my parents that the things I like aren’t a phase? They think the way I dress and the music I like is all a phase but it’s going on since I was 10 or 11. What do I do?

[Answered on Quora.com by Kay Smith]

I'm gonna lay down some grownup perspective, bruh (I dont know if you're a guy or girl, but rest assured, I've called my wife “bruh" on occasion). “Since I was 10,” means 4 years. There are 4 year phases. There are 10 year phases. Everything you like is a phase. You spent the first few years of your life in a “diaper phase.”

I understand the frustration of having something you enjoy minimized because they call it a phase, but there is a serious risk when denying things are just phases. Some people I know fought the “it's just a phase" comments so hard that they never change; never evolve. They continue to be the same person they were when they were 14 just to prove a point. To be honest, everyone sees it and it's kind of pathetic (the person I'm talking about is in her 50's, and she acts like a teen).

Don't worry, though, there is still something you can do about people saying it's “just a phase.” First, divide people into two categories: People that matter and people that don't. Random grownups, school friends, and mild acquaintances don't matter; who cares what they think? Dont try to explain yourself to them. Your parents and loved ones, however, matter and this is how you can explain to them your situation:

Start by explaining that you understand that everything is a phase. People are complex beings and need room to evolve. You understand that, and they shouldn't be afraid of you being stuck in the same phase forever. That being said, you are happy the way you are. This phase is YOUR phase to own it. You know that everyone looks back on their “phases” and are a little embarrassed about them, but you can either look back and feel silly about your phase, or you can look back and resent the people that made you change too early. Ask them to please let you be yourself and, in return, you promise to evolve when YOUR time comes.