Friday, September 29, 2023
Tuesday, September 26, 2023
Saturday, September 23, 2023
What qualities or traits annoy you most about other people? How do you deal with it?
[Answered on Quora.com by Sean Kernan]
General self-serving and selfishness are completely exhausting.
The types who have to make every conversation about them. They change the subject back to their own problems or feel the need to one-up your story in front of everyone.
They often lack empathy and don’t know how to sympathize with people. You can generally spot these people from a mile away.
To deal with it, I typically find a way to go do something else and get out of their presence. I’ve lost my patience before, though, and told a guy that not everything needed to revolve around him. It caused an awkward pause in the group conversation, which I didn’t mind, because it gave me a reason to go get a drink at the bar.
This is why I am an introvert, and I avoid cocktail parties at all costs.
General self-serving and selfishness are completely exhausting.
The types who have to make every conversation about them. They change the subject back to their own problems or feel the need to one-up your story in front of everyone.
They often lack empathy and don’t know how to sympathize with people. You can generally spot these people from a mile away.
To deal with it, I typically find a way to go do something else and get out of their presence. I’ve lost my patience before, though, and told a guy that not everything needed to revolve around him. It caused an awkward pause in the group conversation, which I didn’t mind, because it gave me a reason to go get a drink at the bar.
This is why I am an introvert, and I avoid cocktail parties at all costs.
Friday, September 22, 2023
How do I cheer up or help a friend who doesn't say what's wrong?
[Answered on Quora.com by Buddug Y Byd]
How do I cheer up or help a friend who doesn't say what's wrong? Mine isn't doing well, so I made him a letter with a drawing and nice messages, now I'm buying him candy he likes, and I'm always telling him I'm there for him, what else could I do?
Stop trying to cheer them up, maybe? Just a suggestion; when things are really hard for me, I find the constant trying to make me “better” somehow, really wearing. Maybe tell your friend it’s OK not to be OK, you’re there for them and ask them if there’s anything you can do for them, to lighten their load. My friends ask me things like “do you need someone to talk to, a tight hug, some help with a problem that’s overwhelming you, or distracting with something fun?” I find it really helpful to be able to then choose what I need from them, if anything at all. If you perceive your friend's sadness as ‘wrong’ or then as in need of fixing, it may inadvertently encourage them to push you away; probably at the times they actually need a friend the most. The most important thing you can do, for yourself, is remember that it isn’t your role or responsibility to make someone feel good; my Nana would say “when you take responsibility for what isn’t yours, you’re no better than a thief. Give it back, you have no right to take it and you only disable them when you rob them of what’s rightfully theirs.”
It’s legitimately the single best bit of life advice I have ever been given.
How do I cheer up or help a friend who doesn't say what's wrong? Mine isn't doing well, so I made him a letter with a drawing and nice messages, now I'm buying him candy he likes, and I'm always telling him I'm there for him, what else could I do?
Stop trying to cheer them up, maybe? Just a suggestion; when things are really hard for me, I find the constant trying to make me “better” somehow, really wearing. Maybe tell your friend it’s OK not to be OK, you’re there for them and ask them if there’s anything you can do for them, to lighten their load. My friends ask me things like “do you need someone to talk to, a tight hug, some help with a problem that’s overwhelming you, or distracting with something fun?” I find it really helpful to be able to then choose what I need from them, if anything at all. If you perceive your friend's sadness as ‘wrong’ or then as in need of fixing, it may inadvertently encourage them to push you away; probably at the times they actually need a friend the most. The most important thing you can do, for yourself, is remember that it isn’t your role or responsibility to make someone feel good; my Nana would say “when you take responsibility for what isn’t yours, you’re no better than a thief. Give it back, you have no right to take it and you only disable them when you rob them of what’s rightfully theirs.”
It’s legitimately the single best bit of life advice I have ever been given.
Thursday, September 21, 2023
How can you tell if someone is truly sorry for hurting you or if they are just saying sorry to avoid consequences and leave things as they were before?
[Answered on Quora.com by Lori Swain]
Actions speak louder than words. People can say anything, but it’s their actions that count. Someone can tell you a hundred times a day that they love you, while they're texting their lover.
We are taught at a young age to say “I’m sorry”. We are so young that we haven’t even developed empathy. We aren’t sorry, but we know that if we don’t say “I’m sorry”, we are going to be in trouble. So we say it without ever meaning it. We learn how to say it like we mean it, even though we don’t mean it. We learn at an early age to lie.
An apology is so much more than 2 words. "I’m sorry" is never an acceptable apology. “I’m sorry” is a personal insult. You say that you're sorry - a sorry POS. It’s not a worthy apology, as it doesn’t explain what they did that hurt you, or how they plan to make sure they don’t do it again. It’s a cop out. They aren’t apologizing - they’re trying to take the easy way out, they’re trying to slide one by you.
When someone tells you they’re sorry, ask them what they’re sorry for. Google what an apology really is.
Anyone can say "I’m sorry". But words mean nothing. How they treat you will tell the truth when words lie. You’ll be able to tell by their actions if they truly mean what they say. If your partner caused you pain and continues to cause you pain, and each time tells you they are sorry and won’t do it again, but they keep on causing you pain - that should be enough to know that they aren’t sorry, and they aren’t going to stop hurting you. If you continue to allow their bad behavior, one day you're going to need to apologize to yourself.
Actions speak louder than words. People can say anything, but it’s their actions that count. Someone can tell you a hundred times a day that they love you, while they're texting their lover.
We are taught at a young age to say “I’m sorry”. We are so young that we haven’t even developed empathy. We aren’t sorry, but we know that if we don’t say “I’m sorry”, we are going to be in trouble. So we say it without ever meaning it. We learn how to say it like we mean it, even though we don’t mean it. We learn at an early age to lie.
An apology is so much more than 2 words. "I’m sorry" is never an acceptable apology. “I’m sorry” is a personal insult. You say that you're sorry - a sorry POS. It’s not a worthy apology, as it doesn’t explain what they did that hurt you, or how they plan to make sure they don’t do it again. It’s a cop out. They aren’t apologizing - they’re trying to take the easy way out, they’re trying to slide one by you.
When someone tells you they’re sorry, ask them what they’re sorry for. Google what an apology really is.
Anyone can say "I’m sorry". But words mean nothing. How they treat you will tell the truth when words lie. You’ll be able to tell by their actions if they truly mean what they say. If your partner caused you pain and continues to cause you pain, and each time tells you they are sorry and won’t do it again, but they keep on causing you pain - that should be enough to know that they aren’t sorry, and they aren’t going to stop hurting you. If you continue to allow their bad behavior, one day you're going to need to apologize to yourself.
Wednesday, September 20, 2023
What keeps a man [a human] in love with his wife [their mate]?
[Answered on Quora.com by Don Zebert]
"A man [person] needs his wife [their mate] just to be his [their] best friend, best lovers everything else on top of that is a bonus."
"A man [person] needs his wife [their mate] just to be his [their] best friend, best lovers everything else on top of that is a bonus."
Monday, September 18, 2023
Thursday, September 14, 2023
Wednesday, September 13, 2023
My five-year-old is too advanced for kindergarten, but the school administration here in Houston basically ignores me when I ask about skipping to 1st grade. What should I do?
[Answered by Ben Fox on Quora.com]
My son was the same way at 5. He could read, write, add, subtract, and was starting to learn multiplication when kindergarten started. I still put him in kindergarten. He needed the chance to hang out with kids his own age. To get used to going to school. To form friendships and play with playdough.
I still challenged him at home. Oh, believe me, his teacher noticed. She gave me first and second grade math books and had him do work from those instead of kindergarten homework. She encouraged his reading and let him work ahead of the class.
My son actually loved kindergarten. Don't deny your five year old the chance to experience that first year of school, that's not so much about learning, but about learning to be in school. Let your child have a year with peers. No matter how smart your child is, they need that year or two to reach emotional maturity.
My son was the same way at 5. He could read, write, add, subtract, and was starting to learn multiplication when kindergarten started. I still put him in kindergarten. He needed the chance to hang out with kids his own age. To get used to going to school. To form friendships and play with playdough.
I still challenged him at home. Oh, believe me, his teacher noticed. She gave me first and second grade math books and had him do work from those instead of kindergarten homework. She encouraged his reading and let him work ahead of the class.
My son actually loved kindergarten. Don't deny your five year old the chance to experience that first year of school, that's not so much about learning, but about learning to be in school. Let your child have a year with peers. No matter how smart your child is, they need that year or two to reach emotional maturity.
Monday, September 11, 2023
Spiritual Experience (from daily ACA email)
"Who would have thought that talking, trusting, and feeling would equal a spiritual experience, but it does for adult children. We felt this new spirituality in our breathing and in the sense that we could face life on life's terms."
It seems rather simple: show up at a meeting, listen, share and go home. These basic acts of self-care bring significant changes to our lives. When we make time in our day to attend a meeting, we practice self-love. When we give each other attention, we show each other that we care. When we listen quietly, attentively and respectfully, we become witnesses of another person's growth and our own. When we feel comfortable enough to share our recovery story, we demonstrate trust in the group. When we make an effort to accept the space we are in, we display our own vulnerability and move forward.
These simple acts of self-care yield a spiritual experience that far outweighs our efforts. Our fellow ACAs listen with empathy without interrupting our process, and they witness our spiritual experience, too.
As we learn to trust and surrender to the process, memories or feelings surface from beneath the weight of the now crumbling false self. We become free to breathe, to take positive, simple steps as we heal and truly live our lives.
On this day I take simple steps to practice self-care so that I may experience the spiritual nature of my recovery.
It seems rather simple: show up at a meeting, listen, share and go home. These basic acts of self-care bring significant changes to our lives. When we make time in our day to attend a meeting, we practice self-love. When we give each other attention, we show each other that we care. When we listen quietly, attentively and respectfully, we become witnesses of another person's growth and our own. When we feel comfortable enough to share our recovery story, we demonstrate trust in the group. When we make an effort to accept the space we are in, we display our own vulnerability and move forward.
These simple acts of self-care yield a spiritual experience that far outweighs our efforts. Our fellow ACAs listen with empathy without interrupting our process, and they witness our spiritual experience, too.
As we learn to trust and surrender to the process, memories or feelings surface from beneath the weight of the now crumbling false self. We become free to breathe, to take positive, simple steps as we heal and truly live our lives.
On this day I take simple steps to practice self-care so that I may experience the spiritual nature of my recovery.
Sunday, September 10, 2023
Saturday, September 9, 2023
What are some novels that you believe (as a teacher, librarian, or parent) should not be taught or read in modern classrooms anymore?
[Answered by Carole Kyle on Quora.com]
As a teacher and a librarian, I abhor censorship. AS a teacher and librarian, I have seen the impact that books have on children. I've tried to explain to a child of color why Huck Finn is on the shelves of the library, even with the hateful language it contains. I will always have heavy on my heart his plaintive “That really hurt my feelings, reading that.”
You asked what books should not be taught, which is a separate question than that of what books should be available. Even narrowing the scope of the question doesn't make it easier to answer. At first I was going to fire off “Any book with hatred or ugliness at its core” but that is too facile. With the guidance of a caring, sensitive teacher, students can be helped to navigate that ugliness to find the redemption that lies at the end. They can learn from the mistakes of fictional characters, so that they can do better and be better in real life as they grow older. So I will qualify my original knee-jerk answer to say “Those books that glorify hatred or ugliness (of character).”
I can't suggest specific books, as that will change with each age group. This is an interesting question, and made me think.
As a teacher and a librarian, I abhor censorship. AS a teacher and librarian, I have seen the impact that books have on children. I've tried to explain to a child of color why Huck Finn is on the shelves of the library, even with the hateful language it contains. I will always have heavy on my heart his plaintive “That really hurt my feelings, reading that.”
You asked what books should not be taught, which is a separate question than that of what books should be available. Even narrowing the scope of the question doesn't make it easier to answer. At first I was going to fire off “Any book with hatred or ugliness at its core” but that is too facile. With the guidance of a caring, sensitive teacher, students can be helped to navigate that ugliness to find the redemption that lies at the end. They can learn from the mistakes of fictional characters, so that they can do better and be better in real life as they grow older. So I will qualify my original knee-jerk answer to say “Those books that glorify hatred or ugliness (of character).”
I can't suggest specific books, as that will change with each age group. This is an interesting question, and made me think.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)