Why do autistic people seem childlike?

[Answered on Quora.com by Dez Crawford]

Assuming you are speaking of autistic adults who communicate well, hold down jobs and otherwise function fairly normally in the neurotypical world.

WONDER: I think it’s because we typically focus on details, and in doing so, we never lose a child-like sense of wonder at the world. We seldom become jaded with everyday things. I can’t walk past a dog, a cat, a bird, or a flower without stopping to admire it. Neurotypical people often lose their interest in the everyday wonders of the world in the greater pursuit of broad social connection.

AUTONOMY: Most of us never learn how to socialize “lightly.” We suck at small talk and want to talk about big ideas or our special interests. Autistic people tend to make fewer, but deeper, friendships. We can get hurt easily because we often trust other people the same way a child does. Which brings me to:

INGENUOUSNESS: like kids, we tend to be trusting, open, honest and sincere, and we often fail to learn the neurotypical social skills of what NOT to say, so we often can be blunt. We have a difficult time “faking it” or feigning interest in the things that neurotypical people often embrace in order to “fit in.” That can means everything from lack of interest in fashion trends to gossip to celebrities to sports to whatever else neurotypical people talk about in order to avoid having meaningful or challenging conversation. The things we ARE interested in can be obsessive, which brings me to:

WE DIVE DEEP: we want to know ALL the things, so our interests can be quite obsessive, like the kid who is stuck on dinosaurs or Spiderman and has tons of books, etc. and endless knowledge on the subject. This does not make for the kind of light and pointless banter that neurotypical people engage in, in social situations.

WE SOCIALIZE DIFFERENTLY: like little kids, we do better with one or two friends at a time than a large group.

WE ARE LOYAL. It’s hard for us to lie and deceive. We don’t abandon people, animals or things in the name of popularity. I loved the Beatles in the 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond, and I still do. I never cared if they were not top of the charts in the 80s and 90s. I love the Beatles. Period. More importantly, I would never surrender a pet because some boyfriend didn’t like it. That’s my cat or my dog. Deal with it or go away. I don’t mind being alone.

WE NEED TO KNOW WHY! Like little kids, we need to know WHY we are doing something. I lost a job once because I don’t wear makeup, can't stand it on my skin, and my boss insisted that all women employees “use proper, professional-looking cosmetics.” She could not provide a “why,” other than “because it looks professional to look polished.” That’s vague, and it’s not a valid reason. Why wasn’t clean and well-groomed good enough?

It’s not immaturity, or childISHness. It’s just that we typically don’t learn to be shallow in order to function in a sadly shallow world, as most neurotypical people do.



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