"Experienced ACA members speak of grief with a sense of serenity rather than with sorrow or resentment."
When listening to ACAs share at meetings, newcomers may at first only hear the recounting of the childhood events and their effects. If they keep coming back, they may experience an extraordinary transformation.
Over time, newcomers may realize that what they are hearing isn't just a recounting of a story: it's an opportunity to be heard. In alcoholic and dysfunctional homes, none of us was allowed to tell our story. We did not feel that we could trust our families to listen to us because our feelings were minimized or dismissed.
With experience, the newcomer may hear our shares as a courageous, insightful, and inspired reclaiming of our lives. When the experienced member shares, the sense of serenity doesn't stem from the story. The serenity is in realizing, most often for the first time, that the meeting allows us to talk, trust, and feel. No longer imprisoned, what is being witnessed is a grieving process that frees a lost soul.
On this day as I begin to free my soul from the prison of my childhood, I will be present for my fellow ACAs as they do the same.
Saturday, August 23, 2025
Wednesday, August 20, 2025
Tuesday, August 12, 2025
Can someone with an IQ of 125 achieve the same things as a person with an IQ of 150 if they put in more time and effort?
[Answered on Quora.com by Michael Rios]
I have worked extensively with gifted students. The difference between a student with 125 IQ and 150 IQ is vast—even a different *kind* of thought process. So the person with 125 IQ simply does not have certain faculties that are native to the person with IQ 150. That doesn’t mean that they can’t accomplish a lot, have happy life, and make important contributions to their work or to society in a variety of ways. But they will never come up with a revolutionary physics theory or solve one of the Millennium Prize math problems. Or probably make important contributions to any major academic field.
Some people will say, “But what about Feynman? He only had an IQ of 125.”
Feynman’s claim of a 125 IQ is highly suspect. Feynman was a jokester and a bullshit artist—albeit a brilliant one. The title he chose for his own book was "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!"; this should give anyone a clue-by-four about how seriously he took things like IQ—or much of anything else other than teaching and researching to the best of his awesome ability.
There are no public records of any of his IQ tests. If the 125 score was real, without knowing which test, which standard deviation, and his health at the time, the number means nothing. Some tests had an SD of 5, which would make a score of 125 equal to a score of 175 on modern tests. And Feynman, a dedicated iconoclast, would have been completely capable of deliberately f*cking with the test for the hell of it.
Feynman was famous for saying whatever he thought would get a reaction, and he *loved* telling the story that he only had an IQ of 125.
From Forbes: “Feynman certainly encouraged this legend about his IQ: it was perfect for a joker like himself. He was notoriously disdainful of organizations such as Mensa and was a born iconoclast and critic of authority.”
No one with an IQ of 125 could have accomplished *half* of what Feynman did.
I have worked extensively with gifted students. The difference between a student with 125 IQ and 150 IQ is vast—even a different *kind* of thought process. So the person with 125 IQ simply does not have certain faculties that are native to the person with IQ 150. That doesn’t mean that they can’t accomplish a lot, have happy life, and make important contributions to their work or to society in a variety of ways. But they will never come up with a revolutionary physics theory or solve one of the Millennium Prize math problems. Or probably make important contributions to any major academic field.
Some people will say, “But what about Feynman? He only had an IQ of 125.”
Feynman’s claim of a 125 IQ is highly suspect. Feynman was a jokester and a bullshit artist—albeit a brilliant one. The title he chose for his own book was "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!"; this should give anyone a clue-by-four about how seriously he took things like IQ—or much of anything else other than teaching and researching to the best of his awesome ability.
There are no public records of any of his IQ tests. If the 125 score was real, without knowing which test, which standard deviation, and his health at the time, the number means nothing. Some tests had an SD of 5, which would make a score of 125 equal to a score of 175 on modern tests. And Feynman, a dedicated iconoclast, would have been completely capable of deliberately f*cking with the test for the hell of it.
Feynman was famous for saying whatever he thought would get a reaction, and he *loved* telling the story that he only had an IQ of 125.
From Forbes: “Feynman certainly encouraged this legend about his IQ: it was perfect for a joker like himself. He was notoriously disdainful of organizations such as Mensa and was a born iconoclast and critic of authority.”
No one with an IQ of 125 could have accomplished *half* of what Feynman did.
Sunday, August 10, 2025
Why do autistic people seem childlike?
[Answered on Quora.com by Dez Crawford]
Assuming you are speaking of autistic adults who communicate well, hold down jobs and otherwise function fairly normally in the neurotypical world.
WONDER: I think it’s because we typically focus on details, and in doing so, we never lose a child-like sense of wonder at the world. We seldom become jaded with everyday things. I can’t walk past a dog, a cat, a bird, or a flower without stopping to admire it. Neurotypical people often lose their interest in the everyday wonders of the world in the greater pursuit of broad social connection.
AUTONOMY: Most of us never learn how to socialize “lightly.” We suck at small talk and want to talk about big ideas or our special interests. Autistic people tend to make fewer, but deeper, friendships. We can get hurt easily because we often trust other people the same way a child does. Which brings me to:
INGENUOUSNESS: like kids, we tend to be trusting, open, honest and sincere, and we often fail to learn the neurotypical social skills of what NOT to say, so we often can be blunt. We have a difficult time “faking it” or feigning interest in the things that neurotypical people often embrace in order to “fit in.” That can means everything from lack of interest in fashion trends to gossip to celebrities to sports to whatever else neurotypical people talk about in order to avoid having meaningful or challenging conversation. The things we ARE interested in can be obsessive, which brings me to:
WE DIVE DEEP: we want to know ALL the things, so our interests can be quite obsessive, like the kid who is stuck on dinosaurs or Spiderman and has tons of books, etc. and endless knowledge on the subject. This does not make for the kind of light and pointless banter that neurotypical people engage in, in social situations.
WE SOCIALIZE DIFFERENTLY: like little kids, we do better with one or two friends at a time than a large group.
WE ARE LOYAL. It’s hard for us to lie and deceive. We don’t abandon people, animals or things in the name of popularity. I loved the Beatles in the 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond, and I still do. I never cared if they were not top of the charts in the 80s and 90s. I love the Beatles. Period. More importantly, I would never surrender a pet because some boyfriend didn’t like it. That’s my cat or my dog. Deal with it or go away. I don’t mind being alone.
WE NEED TO KNOW WHY! Like little kids, we need to know WHY we are doing something. I lost a job once because I don’t wear makeup, can't stand it on my skin, and my boss insisted that all women employees “use proper, professional-looking cosmetics.” She could not provide a “why,” other than “because it looks professional to look polished.” That’s vague, and it’s not a valid reason. Why wasn’t clean and well-groomed good enough?
It’s not immaturity, or childISHness. It’s just that we typically don’t learn to be shallow in order to function in a sadly shallow world, as most neurotypical people do.
Jeenge "Infected Mushroom"
Assuming you are speaking of autistic adults who communicate well, hold down jobs and otherwise function fairly normally in the neurotypical world.
WONDER: I think it’s because we typically focus on details, and in doing so, we never lose a child-like sense of wonder at the world. We seldom become jaded with everyday things. I can’t walk past a dog, a cat, a bird, or a flower without stopping to admire it. Neurotypical people often lose their interest in the everyday wonders of the world in the greater pursuit of broad social connection.
AUTONOMY: Most of us never learn how to socialize “lightly.” We suck at small talk and want to talk about big ideas or our special interests. Autistic people tend to make fewer, but deeper, friendships. We can get hurt easily because we often trust other people the same way a child does. Which brings me to:
INGENUOUSNESS: like kids, we tend to be trusting, open, honest and sincere, and we often fail to learn the neurotypical social skills of what NOT to say, so we often can be blunt. We have a difficult time “faking it” or feigning interest in the things that neurotypical people often embrace in order to “fit in.” That can means everything from lack of interest in fashion trends to gossip to celebrities to sports to whatever else neurotypical people talk about in order to avoid having meaningful or challenging conversation. The things we ARE interested in can be obsessive, which brings me to:
WE DIVE DEEP: we want to know ALL the things, so our interests can be quite obsessive, like the kid who is stuck on dinosaurs or Spiderman and has tons of books, etc. and endless knowledge on the subject. This does not make for the kind of light and pointless banter that neurotypical people engage in, in social situations.
WE SOCIALIZE DIFFERENTLY: like little kids, we do better with one or two friends at a time than a large group.
WE ARE LOYAL. It’s hard for us to lie and deceive. We don’t abandon people, animals or things in the name of popularity. I loved the Beatles in the 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond, and I still do. I never cared if they were not top of the charts in the 80s and 90s. I love the Beatles. Period. More importantly, I would never surrender a pet because some boyfriend didn’t like it. That’s my cat or my dog. Deal with it or go away. I don’t mind being alone.
WE NEED TO KNOW WHY! Like little kids, we need to know WHY we are doing something. I lost a job once because I don’t wear makeup, can't stand it on my skin, and my boss insisted that all women employees “use proper, professional-looking cosmetics.” She could not provide a “why,” other than “because it looks professional to look polished.” That’s vague, and it’s not a valid reason. Why wasn’t clean and well-groomed good enough?
It’s not immaturity, or childISHness. It’s just that we typically don’t learn to be shallow in order to function in a sadly shallow world, as most neurotypical people do.
Jeenge "Infected Mushroom"
Tuesday, August 5, 2025
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