Wednesday, December 31, 2025
Christian Prommer's Drumlesson "Can You Feel It"
Radiohead "Paranoid Android"
Chick Corea Elektric Band "Elektric City" (1986)
Edward MacDowell "Scotch Poem", op. 31 #2
Edward MacDowell "Scotch Poem" Op.31 #2 sheet music
Ennio Morricone - Love from "The Legend of 1900" (cello & piano)
Thursday, December 4, 2025
Stevie Wonder "As" (2008)
Suzanne Vega "In The Eye"
Paul McCartney "Où Est Le Soleil?" (Remastered 2017)
Garbage "Queer"
My December
Linkin Park "My dcmbr" Ft. Kelli Ali (Reanimation)
Triumvirat "The School of Instant Pain"
Genesis "Firth of Fifth" (2007 Stereo Mix)
The The "Heartland"
The Revivalists "Wish I Knew You"
Dada "The Ballad Of Earl Grey And Chamomile"
Triumvirat "The School of Instant Pain"
Genesis "Firth of Fifth" (2007 Stereo Mix)
The The "Heartland"
The Revivalists "Wish I Knew You"
Dada "The Ballad Of Earl Grey And Chamomile"
Thursday, November 27, 2025
I taught an octopus piano (It took 6 months) {repost}
Premiata Forneria Marconi "Appena Un Po'"
Laurie Anderson "Language Is a Virus"
Radiohead "Everything in its Right Place"
The Shins "Phantom Limb"
Alabama3 "Too sick to pray"
Eloy "Child Migration"
Monday, October 13, 2025
What's your favorite joke with an unexpected punchline?
[Answered on Quora.com by Joseph Aspler]
It was a dark and stormy night. A man rushed into a roadside bar and demanded a drink. Two of them.
The bartender said, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost”.
The man replied, “It was terrible. My car broke down at the side of the road. I needed a ride, but it was so foggy. Finally a car appeared out of the mist. I jumped into the back seat - but there was no driver. A disembodied hand appeared out of the fog to steer the car as it moved without making a sound. I sat there, rigid with fear. Finally, I saw this bar through the fog. I jumped out, ran for my life, and here I am.”
The bartender nodded with sympathy. Then two men walked into the bar, looked around, and said, “hey, there’s the idiot who jumped into our car as we were pushing it”.
It was a dark and stormy night. A man rushed into a roadside bar and demanded a drink. Two of them.
The bartender said, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost”.
The man replied, “It was terrible. My car broke down at the side of the road. I needed a ride, but it was so foggy. Finally a car appeared out of the mist. I jumped into the back seat - but there was no driver. A disembodied hand appeared out of the fog to steer the car as it moved without making a sound. I sat there, rigid with fear. Finally, I saw this bar through the fog. I jumped out, ran for my life, and here I am.”
The bartender nodded with sympathy. Then two men walked into the bar, looked around, and said, “hey, there’s the idiot who jumped into our car as we were pushing it”.
Wednesday, September 10, 2025
Do you think it's okay to tickle someone without their consent?
[Answered on Quora.com by Amy Renfrew]
No, do not touch people without their consent. The only time it is okay to touch someone without getting their explicit consent would be in very limited emergency situations.
I will give you an example from my own life. I was sitting outside on a lovely day having a drink and my neighbour’s three year old kid ran into the street in front of my house and there was a vehicle coming around the corner that didn’t see him. I jumped up, ran, made a bunch of noise and picked the little guy up and carried him home. The car stopped, the kiddo was not hit and everyone was fine.
The little fella wasn’t happy I scooped him up, I think I startled him a bit. There was a little bit of crying. I would never have picked him up under another situation without making sure he wanted to be picked up. I know this kid pretty well, we have been neighbours his whole life. He comes over every morning and plays with my dog before school (this happened a couple of years ago). He has sat on my lap a couple of times when over visiting with his mom when I showed him some stuff on my phone.
Tickling someone against their will could create any number of problems, even if your intention is just to have a bit of fun. A lot of people detest being tickled, and a lot of people have issues where they have been non-consensually touched and tickling them might very well trigger those memories. We often have very little knowledge about what is going on with other people, so we should not be forcing ourselves into their personal space regardless of intention. Again, the only reason to do this is in order to save life or limb.
No, do not touch people without their consent. The only time it is okay to touch someone without getting their explicit consent would be in very limited emergency situations.
I will give you an example from my own life. I was sitting outside on a lovely day having a drink and my neighbour’s three year old kid ran into the street in front of my house and there was a vehicle coming around the corner that didn’t see him. I jumped up, ran, made a bunch of noise and picked the little guy up and carried him home. The car stopped, the kiddo was not hit and everyone was fine.
The little fella wasn’t happy I scooped him up, I think I startled him a bit. There was a little bit of crying. I would never have picked him up under another situation without making sure he wanted to be picked up. I know this kid pretty well, we have been neighbours his whole life. He comes over every morning and plays with my dog before school (this happened a couple of years ago). He has sat on my lap a couple of times when over visiting with his mom when I showed him some stuff on my phone.
Tickling someone against their will could create any number of problems, even if your intention is just to have a bit of fun. A lot of people detest being tickled, and a lot of people have issues where they have been non-consensually touched and tickling them might very well trigger those memories. We often have very little knowledge about what is going on with other people, so we should not be forcing ourselves into their personal space regardless of intention. Again, the only reason to do this is in order to save life or limb.
Saturday, August 23, 2025
Grief as Freedom (from daily ACA email)
"Experienced ACA members speak of grief with a sense of serenity rather than with sorrow or resentment."
When listening to ACAs share at meetings, newcomers may at first only hear the recounting of the childhood events and their effects. If they keep coming back, they may experience an extraordinary transformation.
Over time, newcomers may realize that what they are hearing isn't just a recounting of a story: it's an opportunity to be heard. In alcoholic and dysfunctional homes, none of us was allowed to tell our story. We did not feel that we could trust our families to listen to us because our feelings were minimized or dismissed.
With experience, the newcomer may hear our shares as a courageous, insightful, and inspired reclaiming of our lives. When the experienced member shares, the sense of serenity doesn't stem from the story. The serenity is in realizing, most often for the first time, that the meeting allows us to talk, trust, and feel. No longer imprisoned, what is being witnessed is a grieving process that frees a lost soul.
On this day as I begin to free my soul from the prison of my childhood, I will be present for my fellow ACAs as they do the same.
When listening to ACAs share at meetings, newcomers may at first only hear the recounting of the childhood events and their effects. If they keep coming back, they may experience an extraordinary transformation.
Over time, newcomers may realize that what they are hearing isn't just a recounting of a story: it's an opportunity to be heard. In alcoholic and dysfunctional homes, none of us was allowed to tell our story. We did not feel that we could trust our families to listen to us because our feelings were minimized or dismissed.
With experience, the newcomer may hear our shares as a courageous, insightful, and inspired reclaiming of our lives. When the experienced member shares, the sense of serenity doesn't stem from the story. The serenity is in realizing, most often for the first time, that the meeting allows us to talk, trust, and feel. No longer imprisoned, what is being witnessed is a grieving process that frees a lost soul.
On this day as I begin to free my soul from the prison of my childhood, I will be present for my fellow ACAs as they do the same.
Wednesday, August 20, 2025
Tuesday, August 12, 2025
Can someone with an IQ of 125 achieve the same things as a person with an IQ of 150 if they put in more time and effort?
[Answered on Quora.com by Michael Rios]
I have worked extensively with gifted students. The difference between a student with 125 IQ and 150 IQ is vast—even a different *kind* of thought process. So the person with 125 IQ simply does not have certain faculties that are native to the person with IQ 150. That doesn’t mean that they can’t accomplish a lot, have happy life, and make important contributions to their work or to society in a variety of ways. But they will never come up with a revolutionary physics theory or solve one of the Millennium Prize math problems. Or probably make important contributions to any major academic field.
Some people will say, “But what about Feynman? He only had an IQ of 125.”
Feynman’s claim of a 125 IQ is highly suspect. Feynman was a jokester and a bullshit artist—albeit a brilliant one. The title he chose for his own book was "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!"; this should give anyone a clue-by-four about how seriously he took things like IQ—or much of anything else other than teaching and researching to the best of his awesome ability.
There are no public records of any of his IQ tests. If the 125 score was real, without knowing which test, which standard deviation, and his health at the time, the number means nothing. Some tests had an SD of 5, which would make a score of 125 equal to a score of 175 on modern tests. And Feynman, a dedicated iconoclast, would have been completely capable of deliberately f*cking with the test for the hell of it.
Feynman was famous for saying whatever he thought would get a reaction, and he *loved* telling the story that he only had an IQ of 125.
From Forbes: “Feynman certainly encouraged this legend about his IQ: it was perfect for a joker like himself. He was notoriously disdainful of organizations such as Mensa and was a born iconoclast and critic of authority.”
No one with an IQ of 125 could have accomplished *half* of what Feynman did.
I have worked extensively with gifted students. The difference between a student with 125 IQ and 150 IQ is vast—even a different *kind* of thought process. So the person with 125 IQ simply does not have certain faculties that are native to the person with IQ 150. That doesn’t mean that they can’t accomplish a lot, have happy life, and make important contributions to their work or to society in a variety of ways. But they will never come up with a revolutionary physics theory or solve one of the Millennium Prize math problems. Or probably make important contributions to any major academic field.
Some people will say, “But what about Feynman? He only had an IQ of 125.”
Feynman’s claim of a 125 IQ is highly suspect. Feynman was a jokester and a bullshit artist—albeit a brilliant one. The title he chose for his own book was "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!"; this should give anyone a clue-by-four about how seriously he took things like IQ—or much of anything else other than teaching and researching to the best of his awesome ability.
There are no public records of any of his IQ tests. If the 125 score was real, without knowing which test, which standard deviation, and his health at the time, the number means nothing. Some tests had an SD of 5, which would make a score of 125 equal to a score of 175 on modern tests. And Feynman, a dedicated iconoclast, would have been completely capable of deliberately f*cking with the test for the hell of it.
Feynman was famous for saying whatever he thought would get a reaction, and he *loved* telling the story that he only had an IQ of 125.
From Forbes: “Feynman certainly encouraged this legend about his IQ: it was perfect for a joker like himself. He was notoriously disdainful of organizations such as Mensa and was a born iconoclast and critic of authority.”
No one with an IQ of 125 could have accomplished *half* of what Feynman did.
Sunday, August 10, 2025
Why do autistic people seem childlike?
[Answered on Quora.com by Dez Crawford]
Assuming you are speaking of autistic adults who communicate well, hold down jobs and otherwise function fairly normally in the neurotypical world.
WONDER: I think it’s because we typically focus on details, and in doing so, we never lose a child-like sense of wonder at the world. We seldom become jaded with everyday things. I can’t walk past a dog, a cat, a bird, or a flower without stopping to admire it. Neurotypical people often lose their interest in the everyday wonders of the world in the greater pursuit of broad social connection.
AUTONOMY: Most of us never learn how to socialize “lightly.” We suck at small talk and want to talk about big ideas or our special interests. Autistic people tend to make fewer, but deeper, friendships. We can get hurt easily because we often trust other people the same way a child does. Which brings me to:
INGENUOUSNESS: like kids, we tend to be trusting, open, honest and sincere, and we often fail to learn the neurotypical social skills of what NOT to say, so we often can be blunt. We have a difficult time “faking it” or feigning interest in the things that neurotypical people often embrace in order to “fit in.” That can means everything from lack of interest in fashion trends to gossip to celebrities to sports to whatever else neurotypical people talk about in order to avoid having meaningful or challenging conversation. The things we ARE interested in can be obsessive, which brings me to:
WE DIVE DEEP: we want to know ALL the things, so our interests can be quite obsessive, like the kid who is stuck on dinosaurs or Spiderman and has tons of books, etc. and endless knowledge on the subject. This does not make for the kind of light and pointless banter that neurotypical people engage in, in social situations.
WE SOCIALIZE DIFFERENTLY: like little kids, we do better with one or two friends at a time than a large group.
WE ARE LOYAL. It’s hard for us to lie and deceive. We don’t abandon people, animals or things in the name of popularity. I loved the Beatles in the 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond, and I still do. I never cared if they were not top of the charts in the 80s and 90s. I love the Beatles. Period. More importantly, I would never surrender a pet because some boyfriend didn’t like it. That’s my cat or my dog. Deal with it or go away. I don’t mind being alone.
WE NEED TO KNOW WHY! Like little kids, we need to know WHY we are doing something. I lost a job once because I don’t wear makeup, can't stand it on my skin, and my boss insisted that all women employees “use proper, professional-looking cosmetics.” She could not provide a “why,” other than “because it looks professional to look polished.” That’s vague, and it’s not a valid reason. Why wasn’t clean and well-groomed good enough?
It’s not immaturity, or childISHness. It’s just that we typically don’t learn to be shallow in order to function in a sadly shallow world, as most neurotypical people do.
Jeenge "Infected Mushroom"
Assuming you are speaking of autistic adults who communicate well, hold down jobs and otherwise function fairly normally in the neurotypical world.
WONDER: I think it’s because we typically focus on details, and in doing so, we never lose a child-like sense of wonder at the world. We seldom become jaded with everyday things. I can’t walk past a dog, a cat, a bird, or a flower without stopping to admire it. Neurotypical people often lose their interest in the everyday wonders of the world in the greater pursuit of broad social connection.
AUTONOMY: Most of us never learn how to socialize “lightly.” We suck at small talk and want to talk about big ideas or our special interests. Autistic people tend to make fewer, but deeper, friendships. We can get hurt easily because we often trust other people the same way a child does. Which brings me to:
INGENUOUSNESS: like kids, we tend to be trusting, open, honest and sincere, and we often fail to learn the neurotypical social skills of what NOT to say, so we often can be blunt. We have a difficult time “faking it” or feigning interest in the things that neurotypical people often embrace in order to “fit in.” That can means everything from lack of interest in fashion trends to gossip to celebrities to sports to whatever else neurotypical people talk about in order to avoid having meaningful or challenging conversation. The things we ARE interested in can be obsessive, which brings me to:
WE DIVE DEEP: we want to know ALL the things, so our interests can be quite obsessive, like the kid who is stuck on dinosaurs or Spiderman and has tons of books, etc. and endless knowledge on the subject. This does not make for the kind of light and pointless banter that neurotypical people engage in, in social situations.
WE SOCIALIZE DIFFERENTLY: like little kids, we do better with one or two friends at a time than a large group.
WE ARE LOYAL. It’s hard for us to lie and deceive. We don’t abandon people, animals or things in the name of popularity. I loved the Beatles in the 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond, and I still do. I never cared if they were not top of the charts in the 80s and 90s. I love the Beatles. Period. More importantly, I would never surrender a pet because some boyfriend didn’t like it. That’s my cat or my dog. Deal with it or go away. I don’t mind being alone.
WE NEED TO KNOW WHY! Like little kids, we need to know WHY we are doing something. I lost a job once because I don’t wear makeup, can't stand it on my skin, and my boss insisted that all women employees “use proper, professional-looking cosmetics.” She could not provide a “why,” other than “because it looks professional to look polished.” That’s vague, and it’s not a valid reason. Why wasn’t clean and well-groomed good enough?
It’s not immaturity, or childISHness. It’s just that we typically don’t learn to be shallow in order to function in a sadly shallow world, as most neurotypical people do.
Jeenge "Infected Mushroom"
Tuesday, August 5, 2025
Thursday, July 3, 2025
Linkin Park "Waiting For The End" (official video)
Linkin Park "Somewhere I Belong" (official video)
Foreword, Don't Stay, Somewhere I Belong, Lying From You, Hit the Floor, Easier to Run, Faint, Figure.09, Breaking the Habit, From the Inside, Nobody's Listening, Session, and Numb
Monday, May 5, 2025
Sanity (from daily ACA email)
"One of the keys to being restored to sanity involves surrendering our need to harm ourselves or to run from our feelings."
It is not sane to have a battle within ourselves to keep feelings from surfacing. By running from our emotions, we lose out on the valuable lessons they may teach us. When we deny or stuff feelings, they continue to hide just under the surface. They become jumbled and confusing and tend to come out with the slightest trigger.
When feelings are experienced rather than denied, they lose their power. By learning to sit with our feelings and acknowledge them, we practice self-love. As we start to love ourselves more, we will want to harm ourselves less and begin to treat ourselves with genuine kindness and compassion.
But we don't just stop the behavior of self-harm all at once. Part of the process is to surrender this need to our Higher Power, knowing that we will be shown how to love ourselves. Whether quickly or slowly, we come to have faith in the Promises of ACA.
On this day I will nurture myself by accepting my feelings as they arise, knowing they hold opportunities for me to grow and love myself more fully.
It is not sane to have a battle within ourselves to keep feelings from surfacing. By running from our emotions, we lose out on the valuable lessons they may teach us. When we deny or stuff feelings, they continue to hide just under the surface. They become jumbled and confusing and tend to come out with the slightest trigger.
When feelings are experienced rather than denied, they lose their power. By learning to sit with our feelings and acknowledge them, we practice self-love. As we start to love ourselves more, we will want to harm ourselves less and begin to treat ourselves with genuine kindness and compassion.
But we don't just stop the behavior of self-harm all at once. Part of the process is to surrender this need to our Higher Power, knowing that we will be shown how to love ourselves. Whether quickly or slowly, we come to have faith in the Promises of ACA.
On this day I will nurture myself by accepting my feelings as they arise, knowing they hold opportunities for me to grow and love myself more fully.
Tuesday, April 29, 2025
What reveals a person's personality and character?
{Answered on Quora.com by Earth Angel]
One day I dropped a friend of mine off in front of a grocery store. She ran in to pick up a few things. While I waited, I noticed a homeless man who was obviously struggling, standing in front of the store.
Along came a young man who looked to be in his mid 20s. He stood a few feet from the homeless man and occasionally looked at him but did nothing. At one point, a loud, attention seeking older man, 40s, approached the homeless man and in a condescending tone, told him to get a job. While the older man and the homeless man *conversed, the younger man did one of the most beautiful and unexpected things I’ve ever seen. He’d been waiting for the homeless man to be distracted so he could throw a wad of cash into his jar. The older man eventually left and when the homeless man noticed how much more cash he now had, called out his gratitude to the older man. The younger man walked away smiling to himself. If I hadn’t seen this with my own eyes, I would have found it hard to believe. He gave without the expectation of being rewarded, and he allowed someone else to be credited for his selfless act -That is the definition of character
One day I dropped a friend of mine off in front of a grocery store. She ran in to pick up a few things. While I waited, I noticed a homeless man who was obviously struggling, standing in front of the store.
Along came a young man who looked to be in his mid 20s. He stood a few feet from the homeless man and occasionally looked at him but did nothing. At one point, a loud, attention seeking older man, 40s, approached the homeless man and in a condescending tone, told him to get a job. While the older man and the homeless man *conversed, the younger man did one of the most beautiful and unexpected things I’ve ever seen. He’d been waiting for the homeless man to be distracted so he could throw a wad of cash into his jar. The older man eventually left and when the homeless man noticed how much more cash he now had, called out his gratitude to the older man. The younger man walked away smiling to himself. If I hadn’t seen this with my own eyes, I would have found it hard to believe. He gave without the expectation of being rewarded, and he allowed someone else to be credited for his selfless act -That is the definition of character
Monday, April 28, 2025
Daft Punk "Get Lucky"
I must seize happiness. I heard this song right before I started a pleasant hike. I took its hearing as a good omen.
Willpower (from daily ACA email)
"We must shatter the illusion that we can reason out a painless solution."
Adult children do not lack willpower. We have relied on our iron willpower to carry us through the most difficult of times. Sometimes, we may convince ourselves that in order to heal, we simply need more inner resolve. Even after we're in ACA, some of us try to will our Laundry List Traits away, thinking if we only had greater determination to get better, we could make different, healthier choices. Our desire is in the right place, seeking healing and recovery, but the method falls short. We may think we can read or learn about an easier solution and get better on our own, but we need the Twelve Steps of recovery and the fellowship to truly heal. There is no painless solution to our problem.
Throughout recovery, we will feel emotions and pain we may have suppressed. Grief over our childhood will surface, but it will not consume us. Our inner strength, once relied on for survival, will now give us the courage we need. We turn our determination not toward fixing ourselves in isolation, but to committing to our recovery in a supportive group setting.
On this day I accept the emotions that arise during my recovery journey, knowing any pain is temporary, and joy is possible as I continue to heal.
Adult children do not lack willpower. We have relied on our iron willpower to carry us through the most difficult of times. Sometimes, we may convince ourselves that in order to heal, we simply need more inner resolve. Even after we're in ACA, some of us try to will our Laundry List Traits away, thinking if we only had greater determination to get better, we could make different, healthier choices. Our desire is in the right place, seeking healing and recovery, but the method falls short. We may think we can read or learn about an easier solution and get better on our own, but we need the Twelve Steps of recovery and the fellowship to truly heal. There is no painless solution to our problem.
Throughout recovery, we will feel emotions and pain we may have suppressed. Grief over our childhood will surface, but it will not consume us. Our inner strength, once relied on for survival, will now give us the courage we need. We turn our determination not toward fixing ourselves in isolation, but to committing to our recovery in a supportive group setting.
On this day I accept the emotions that arise during my recovery journey, knowing any pain is temporary, and joy is possible as I continue to heal.
Friday, March 21, 2025
I'm 60 years old and I'm finding it hard to deal with. What should I do?
[Answered on Quora.com by Komal Kapur]
My father retired at the age of 59 with nothing much to do. To keep himself engaged, he started helping my mother in the kitchen and running errands like buying groceries. One day, he met a Guru who taught classical music. He came home excited, reminding my mother of his love for singing and how he had always wanted to learn classical music. That very day, both my parents decided that he would pursue his passion.
You won’t believe it — he woke up every morning at 4:30 a.m. to practice ragas with immense dedication. Over the years, he mastered the harmonium, tabla, and various ragas. By the time he turned 65, he had established his own institute to teach classical music, where he trained 200 students. His hard work and determination were truly remarkable. At the age of 70, he even completed his Ph.D. in music, proving that passion has no age limit. I am so incredibly proud of him.
After he passed away, my mother found herself completely alone. She didn’t know how to fill her time, but instead of succumbing to loneliness, she rediscovered her own talent. She had always been gifted in drawing and painting, so she started teaching children — finding joy in sharing her skills. Alongside this, she kept herself engaged by reading the newspaper, chatting with friends, and even experimenting with different cake recipes.
From my parents, I have learned a powerful lesson — everything is in the mind. If you truly want to stay occupied and live with purpose, you can. But if you allow yourself to feel lonely and lost, life can become stagnant. Their journey is a true inspiration, proving that passion and learning never have an expiration date.
My father retired at the age of 59 with nothing much to do. To keep himself engaged, he started helping my mother in the kitchen and running errands like buying groceries. One day, he met a Guru who taught classical music. He came home excited, reminding my mother of his love for singing and how he had always wanted to learn classical music. That very day, both my parents decided that he would pursue his passion.
You won’t believe it — he woke up every morning at 4:30 a.m. to practice ragas with immense dedication. Over the years, he mastered the harmonium, tabla, and various ragas. By the time he turned 65, he had established his own institute to teach classical music, where he trained 200 students. His hard work and determination were truly remarkable. At the age of 70, he even completed his Ph.D. in music, proving that passion has no age limit. I am so incredibly proud of him.
After he passed away, my mother found herself completely alone. She didn’t know how to fill her time, but instead of succumbing to loneliness, she rediscovered her own talent. She had always been gifted in drawing and painting, so she started teaching children — finding joy in sharing her skills. Alongside this, she kept herself engaged by reading the newspaper, chatting with friends, and even experimenting with different cake recipes.
From my parents, I have learned a powerful lesson — everything is in the mind. If you truly want to stay occupied and live with purpose, you can. But if you allow yourself to feel lonely and lost, life can become stagnant. Their journey is a true inspiration, proving that passion and learning never have an expiration date.
Sunday, March 16, 2025
Saturday, March 15, 2025
Promise Three (from daily ACA email)
"Fear of authority figures and the need to ‘people-please' will leave us."
As children, from infancy through our teen years, we were surrounded by authority figures. This included our family, babysitters and teachers - those who traditionally deserved respect. But many of these people took advantage of our respect for authority by intimidating us into a submissive role. Our natural tendency to please was exploited by the unreasonable demands placed on us.
As adults, our need to people-please took a darker turn and robbed us of our ability to enjoy life. Always seeking to please others, we were left waiting for our turn at getting our needs met.
In ACA, the edges of the puzzle of how we became people-pleasers slowly start to become clear. We begin to free the roots of our people-pleasing habit from the soil of our childhoods. In its place we plant brand new seeds of hope.
Consistent work in our program allows our insight, clarity, and freedom to flourish. No longer fearful of authority and under the compulsion to please, we are emancipated to decide for ourselves whom we need to fear and whom we choose to please.
On this day I will continue working the ACA program to further unearth the deep roots of my fear of authority and people-pleasing. I choose to be free of any hold they still have over me.
As children, from infancy through our teen years, we were surrounded by authority figures. This included our family, babysitters and teachers - those who traditionally deserved respect. But many of these people took advantage of our respect for authority by intimidating us into a submissive role. Our natural tendency to please was exploited by the unreasonable demands placed on us.
As adults, our need to people-please took a darker turn and robbed us of our ability to enjoy life. Always seeking to please others, we were left waiting for our turn at getting our needs met.
In ACA, the edges of the puzzle of how we became people-pleasers slowly start to become clear. We begin to free the roots of our people-pleasing habit from the soil of our childhoods. In its place we plant brand new seeds of hope.
Consistent work in our program allows our insight, clarity, and freedom to flourish. No longer fearful of authority and under the compulsion to please, we are emancipated to decide for ourselves whom we need to fear and whom we choose to please.
On this day I will continue working the ACA program to further unearth the deep roots of my fear of authority and people-pleasing. I choose to be free of any hold they still have over me.
Thursday, March 13, 2025
Change (from daily ACA email)
"We become openminded to the idea that we can change with time and with help."
Most of us have heard the saying, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." In other words, nothing will change until we make a change.
We may have read all the books and made attempts at change, but nothing stuck for long. A big reason it didn't work is that we were probably trying to do it alone. We told ourselves that we didn't need to talk to others about anything; we just had to try harder. And when we hit a wall with whatever new thing we were trying, we found some justification for quitting.
So nothing really changed until we gave ourselves permission to walk into our first ACA meeting. That is where we discovered the power of the group - a mix of new faces with familiar stories. We listened to some say how difficult it was to work on change, and that change takes time. This might have made us run the other way, except that it was followed by talk of how rewarding it is to make even baby steps of change. Because we want that same experience, we keep coming back. Not doing it alone makes all the difference in the world.
On this day I will remember that I deserve my own change and that I never have to go it alone again.
Most of us have heard the saying, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." In other words, nothing will change until we make a change.
We may have read all the books and made attempts at change, but nothing stuck for long. A big reason it didn't work is that we were probably trying to do it alone. We told ourselves that we didn't need to talk to others about anything; we just had to try harder. And when we hit a wall with whatever new thing we were trying, we found some justification for quitting.
So nothing really changed until we gave ourselves permission to walk into our first ACA meeting. That is where we discovered the power of the group - a mix of new faces with familiar stories. We listened to some say how difficult it was to work on change, and that change takes time. This might have made us run the other way, except that it was followed by talk of how rewarding it is to make even baby steps of change. Because we want that same experience, we keep coming back. Not doing it alone makes all the difference in the world.
On this day I will remember that I deserve my own change and that I never have to go it alone again.
Sunday, March 2, 2025
Trait Three: frightened by angry people (from daily ACA email)
"We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism."
It's insidious - the abuse we experienced. For many of us, our caregivers didn't just get mad, they got angry and enraged. And it could be over something simple. Maybe we were out doing normal kid stuff, but because we had an angry parent waiting at home, we were never sure what to expect. We were repeatedly blindsided with accusations that said we were no good, selfish, irresponsible, uppity, or a whole host of other shaming language. Or maybe it happened to a sibling, which was just as bad because we knew it could be turned on us at any time.
Is it any wonder that as adults we almost visibly flinched when we were faced with angry people? We carried the fear of being criticized with us like a banner that said, "I'm an easy target. I won't even argue with you because I don't have a voice."
But as we start to find our voice, we begin to separate the anger from the words, and the words from reality. We do not deserve to be talked to ‘like that.' And we didn't deserve it as a child. We were innocent! And now, as we learn to reparent ourselves, we can tell our Inner Child that we will protect them when someone is angry or critical. We can do for ourselves what others should have done for us.
On this day I will remember that another person's anger is not mine. If I hear criticism, I can separate truth from fiction.
It's insidious - the abuse we experienced. For many of us, our caregivers didn't just get mad, they got angry and enraged. And it could be over something simple. Maybe we were out doing normal kid stuff, but because we had an angry parent waiting at home, we were never sure what to expect. We were repeatedly blindsided with accusations that said we were no good, selfish, irresponsible, uppity, or a whole host of other shaming language. Or maybe it happened to a sibling, which was just as bad because we knew it could be turned on us at any time.
Is it any wonder that as adults we almost visibly flinched when we were faced with angry people? We carried the fear of being criticized with us like a banner that said, "I'm an easy target. I won't even argue with you because I don't have a voice."
But as we start to find our voice, we begin to separate the anger from the words, and the words from reality. We do not deserve to be talked to ‘like that.' And we didn't deserve it as a child. We were innocent! And now, as we learn to reparent ourselves, we can tell our Inner Child that we will protect them when someone is angry or critical. We can do for ourselves what others should have done for us.
On this day I will remember that another person's anger is not mine. If I hear criticism, I can separate truth from fiction.
Monday, February 17, 2025
Gordon Lightfoot "Sundown" (extended)
I enjoyed this song so much, when I was a student at geology field camp in Montana, years ago. In posting this song, I picked an extended version that I stumbled upon, on the grounds that it was common for another student to replay the song soon after it had just stopped playing. Back in our Pleistocene mapping epoch, in the evenings we would make pin-pricks in topo maps and transfer strike and dip symbols from one piece of paper to another - and our minds remained partly free to hear pretty music and be happy.
Jim Croce "Operator"
I heard this Jim Croce song being played in Trader Joe's on Valentine's day. I instantly became happier upon hearing it! I felt transported back to 1983 and 1984, when the music of Jim Croce brought me so much happiness and fun. I sang along with the song, a little bit - as much as I dared - as I shopped. I felt as if I were "all smiles". Since that still-recent day, the song has came back to me in the middle of the night and during the day, reinfecting my brain in the nicest way.
Thursday, February 13, 2025
Promise Five (from daily ACA email)
"As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses."
In our program, we need a lot of courage to face a great many things. Facing how we were abandoned requires us to summon all the courage we can muster. As we "keep coming back," memories and feelings float up from our subconscious to the mind's eye, and we acknowledge the losses we buried.
As children, many of us wanted or needed to idealize our caregivers. In ACA, we take off the rose-colored glasses and see them as flawed human beings who were unable to be there for us emotionally, physically, psychologically, or spiritually. Facing this abandonment means looking at it honestly with the help of our Higher Power, our inner loving parent, and our Inner Child. This is how we begin to reparent ourselves so that we can become whole.
On this day I continue to seek the courage to face my abandonment issues, resolving to take the steps to make myself whole, so I can bond with others from this consciousness centered space.
In our program, we need a lot of courage to face a great many things. Facing how we were abandoned requires us to summon all the courage we can muster. As we "keep coming back," memories and feelings float up from our subconscious to the mind's eye, and we acknowledge the losses we buried.
As children, many of us wanted or needed to idealize our caregivers. In ACA, we take off the rose-colored glasses and see them as flawed human beings who were unable to be there for us emotionally, physically, psychologically, or spiritually. Facing this abandonment means looking at it honestly with the help of our Higher Power, our inner loving parent, and our Inner Child. This is how we begin to reparent ourselves so that we can become whole.
On this day I continue to seek the courage to face my abandonment issues, resolving to take the steps to make myself whole, so I can bond with others from this consciousness centered space.
Monday, February 10, 2025
Dreams (from daily ACA email)
"We thought we had forgotten these dreams, but our Inner Child remembers."
As children we had an innocent wish to be heard, held, and protected. But in most of our homes, that didn't happen. When we spoke, it was usually the beginning of trouble. When we tried to cuddle or show affection, we were ignored, laughed at, or flirted with. Most of the time we were alone. The idea of being protected was nonexistent.
We grew up in a world where the norm was "anything goes, anytime." It was almost impossible to keep up with what was going on, but we did our best. We fantasized about having a different family where we could be ourselves and it would be okay. We wished for a place overflowing with love, a safe place where voices were soft and sweet, and where everyone just talked, laughed, and played together. It is so sad that we didn't get that. We deserved a bright and happy childhood, didn't we?
Our Inner Child is still waiting for this dream to be made real. This desire is still as strong as it was long ago. Who is going to be the person to bring this dream to this child?
We find that dreams can come true. Here, we are able to begin again, one day at a time. We can give our Inner Child all that we weren't given. Recovering dreams is what this program is all about.
On this day I know that I deserve my dreams. I am willing to work to make them come true.
As children we had an innocent wish to be heard, held, and protected. But in most of our homes, that didn't happen. When we spoke, it was usually the beginning of trouble. When we tried to cuddle or show affection, we were ignored, laughed at, or flirted with. Most of the time we were alone. The idea of being protected was nonexistent.
We grew up in a world where the norm was "anything goes, anytime." It was almost impossible to keep up with what was going on, but we did our best. We fantasized about having a different family where we could be ourselves and it would be okay. We wished for a place overflowing with love, a safe place where voices were soft and sweet, and where everyone just talked, laughed, and played together. It is so sad that we didn't get that. We deserved a bright and happy childhood, didn't we?
Our Inner Child is still waiting for this dream to be made real. This desire is still as strong as it was long ago. Who is going to be the person to bring this dream to this child?
We find that dreams can come true. Here, we are able to begin again, one day at a time. We can give our Inner Child all that we weren't given. Recovering dreams is what this program is all about.
On this day I know that I deserve my dreams. I am willing to work to make them come true.
Sunday, January 19, 2025
Re-Creation (from daily ACA email)
"Yet, our children and relationships were still mired in our dysfunction. We recreated the abandonment and loss of our own childhood."
Many of us tried to raise our families differently. But without ACA or another type of intervention, we were like our parents - we could only give what we had. This meant we made a lot of wrong choices. We may even have become alienated from our children, finding that they resented us, just as we resented our parents.
ACA presents us with a choice: stay and get better in a way that might someday repair our relationships, or feel hopeless and continue to fill ourselves with self-blame and shame.
If we choose ACA, we must let go of the fact that we didn't find help earlier, when it could have prevented so much pain. We accept that change takes time, so we "get our heads on straight" and concentrate on taking care of ourselves. As we're ready, we learn to be present in a healthy way for our children. If we're separated from them, we hope they come back to us, but if they don't, we continue to love them and pray they find their way.
On this day I will take care of myself first. Only then will I be available to my family if they ask for emotional support.
Many of us tried to raise our families differently. But without ACA or another type of intervention, we were like our parents - we could only give what we had. This meant we made a lot of wrong choices. We may even have become alienated from our children, finding that they resented us, just as we resented our parents.
ACA presents us with a choice: stay and get better in a way that might someday repair our relationships, or feel hopeless and continue to fill ourselves with self-blame and shame.
If we choose ACA, we must let go of the fact that we didn't find help earlier, when it could have prevented so much pain. We accept that change takes time, so we "get our heads on straight" and concentrate on taking care of ourselves. As we're ready, we learn to be present in a healthy way for our children. If we're separated from them, we hope they come back to us, but if they don't, we continue to love them and pray they find their way.
On this day I will take care of myself first. Only then will I be available to my family if they ask for emotional support.
Monday, January 6, 2025
Can a child in the womb kick often/hard enough to injure the mother?
[Answered on Quora.com by Tori Walker]
Oh my goodness yes! My first baby fractured 2 of my ribs. He had just lined himself up perfectly to push and kick with all his might straight at my ribs. Yeah ... and since it was the third trimester, no advil for me. Just Tylenol at low doses and a wrapping for my ribs. That was a very painful last 2 months of pregnancy.
Oh my goodness yes! My first baby fractured 2 of my ribs. He had just lined himself up perfectly to push and kick with all his might straight at my ribs. Yeah ... and since it was the third trimester, no advil for me. Just Tylenol at low doses and a wrapping for my ribs. That was a very painful last 2 months of pregnancy.
Sunday, January 5, 2025
What are the funniest italian jokes?
{Answered on Quora.com by Jetbudgie II]
Thank you to the genius poet John Cooper Clarke for this gem - (excuse the swearing, but it’s how he told it)
A man is at the barber and makes conversation.
The barber asks him "You going anywhere for your holidays?"
The man says, "Me and my wife are going to Rome".
"Why do you want to go to Rome?"
"I love Italian food".
"Well, it's all fish and chip shops in Rome."
"Well, I'm also going for the sunshine".
"It was constantly pissing rain when I was last there."
"Well, I like Romanesque architecture."
"Romanesque architecture is out of the question, it's all industrialized and there's corrugated iron everywhere you look."
"Well, the real reason why we're going to Rome is because my wife and I want to see the Pope before we die."
"Yeah, you and 65 million more of the faithful crowded in the Vatican. You won't see the Pope, in fact you'll be lucky if you see the top of his hat."
About a month later, he goes back to the barber, having gone to Italy.
The barber asks him "Aren't you the fella that went to Italy?"
The man replies "Yeah."
The barber asks him "So, how was it?”
“The food was fantastic! Sunshine, wonderful, the Romanesque architecture has to be seen to be believed.
“Did you see the Pope?"
The man replies, "Yeah I did. My wife and I along with 65 million other Catholics were crowded in the Vatican, and I could just barely make out the top of his hat before I saw him point his bejeweled staff towards me. The crowd parted to a man. He came down the stairs and walked right up to me and asked, "Who cut your fucking hair?"
Thank you to the genius poet John Cooper Clarke for this gem - (excuse the swearing, but it’s how he told it)
A man is at the barber and makes conversation.
The barber asks him "You going anywhere for your holidays?"
The man says, "Me and my wife are going to Rome".
"Why do you want to go to Rome?"
"I love Italian food".
"Well, it's all fish and chip shops in Rome."
"Well, I'm also going for the sunshine".
"It was constantly pissing rain when I was last there."
"Well, I like Romanesque architecture."
"Romanesque architecture is out of the question, it's all industrialized and there's corrugated iron everywhere you look."
"Well, the real reason why we're going to Rome is because my wife and I want to see the Pope before we die."
"Yeah, you and 65 million more of the faithful crowded in the Vatican. You won't see the Pope, in fact you'll be lucky if you see the top of his hat."
About a month later, he goes back to the barber, having gone to Italy.
The barber asks him "Aren't you the fella that went to Italy?"
The man replies "Yeah."
The barber asks him "So, how was it?”
“The food was fantastic! Sunshine, wonderful, the Romanesque architecture has to be seen to be believed.
“Did you see the Pope?"
The man replies, "Yeah I did. My wife and I along with 65 million other Catholics were crowded in the Vatican, and I could just barely make out the top of his hat before I saw him point his bejeweled staff towards me. The crowd parted to a man. He came down the stairs and walked right up to me and asked, "Who cut your fucking hair?"
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