Can a therapist's level of niceness impact their patient's progress?

[Answered on Quora.com by David McPhee, Ph.D.]

You have to be careful with “niceness.” It’s definitely not on Roger’s list — accurate empathy, genuineness, concreteness, immediacy, and unconditional positive regard.

Levels of those qualities, along with authenticity, are what impact the connection that is healing, empowering, and generally effective. (I don’t like “progress,” a term that can confuse the true nature, but I write about that elsewhere).

Niceness is easy to fake, and communicates everying from non-threat to selling something to seduction. Too many victims of sexual assualt, adults and kids, had a predator or attacker who led with massive “niceness.” Too many sexually exploited kids have been groomed through super-niceness of the perpetrator. Traumatized folks can interpret too much niceness as potentially dangerous.

So, paradoxically, overdoses of niceness can interfere with deep authenticity, and may even be read as dangerous in a therapy situation.