Gov't Mule "Beautifully Broken"
Wayne Krantz "Sossity; You're A Woman"
Sunday, November 24, 2024
Friday, November 22, 2024
Trait Thirteen (from daily ACA email)
We felt like we were stark raving mad. We couldn't see what was happening to ourselves because we were so focused on controlling others and feeling their feelings for them. Or maybe we tried to shut others down because we didn't want to see or hear anything about feelings that would make us uncomfortable. It was a never-ending cycle of abandonment of ourselves and our Inner Child. But we were used to it; we didn't know any better.
Slowly, we learned to let ourselves be present in the moment. It wasn't easy. We watched as our sponsors and others with more emotional sobriety modeled what change looked like. We soaked it up. It was the best education we ever had - better than anything we learned or could have learned in school. We found something that could truly transform the world.
As we let go of our grandiosity, we saw that we could change ourselves if we were willing. We finally began to understand and believe that we were powerless over others and the choices they made. It was a great relief.
On this day I will keep my side of the street clean and let others take care of themselves. I will shun attempts to pull me back into that never-ending cycle of dysfunction I came from.
Slowly, we learned to let ourselves be present in the moment. It wasn't easy. We watched as our sponsors and others with more emotional sobriety modeled what change looked like. We soaked it up. It was the best education we ever had - better than anything we learned or could have learned in school. We found something that could truly transform the world.
As we let go of our grandiosity, we saw that we could change ourselves if we were willing. We finally began to understand and believe that we were powerless over others and the choices they made. It was a great relief.
On this day I will keep my side of the street clean and let others take care of themselves. I will shun attempts to pull me back into that never-ending cycle of dysfunction I came from.
Thursday, November 21, 2024
What are some indicators of mild autism in adults who may not be aware of their condition?
[Answered on Quora.com by Gundy Kaupins]
The subtle signs all can be found in the American Psychiatric Associations DSM-V definition of autism.
Here is a list of some of the signs.
1. Intense interests in subjects such as different types of barn doors.
2. Liking routines and resisting changes in them.
3. Having social difficulties with understanding gestures and maintaining eye contact.
4. Violating conversational rules such as telling unfiltered truth. “Did you know that he looked drunk last night.” This statement is made about a student in a math class.
5. Literal thinking. This makes it more difficult to follow directions if the directions seem ambiguous, have gaps, and incorporate unspoken assumptions.
6. Being sensitive to too much light or sound. Having two people talking loudly nearby might drive this person batty.
7. Stimming. Having unexplained twitches, for example.
These are just a few of possible symptoms of mild autism. No one needs to show all of them to prove there is mild autism. As the mantra in the autism counseling and research world states—-every autistic person is different.
The subtle signs all can be found in the American Psychiatric Associations DSM-V definition of autism.
Here is a list of some of the signs.
1. Intense interests in subjects such as different types of barn doors.
2. Liking routines and resisting changes in them.
3. Having social difficulties with understanding gestures and maintaining eye contact.
4. Violating conversational rules such as telling unfiltered truth. “Did you know that he looked drunk last night.” This statement is made about a student in a math class.
5. Literal thinking. This makes it more difficult to follow directions if the directions seem ambiguous, have gaps, and incorporate unspoken assumptions.
6. Being sensitive to too much light or sound. Having two people talking loudly nearby might drive this person batty.
7. Stimming. Having unexplained twitches, for example.
These are just a few of possible symptoms of mild autism. No one needs to show all of them to prove there is mild autism. As the mantra in the autism counseling and research world states—-every autistic person is different.
Tuesday, November 19, 2024
What is the "INFJ dark side"?
[Answered on Quora.com by Emmy Boden]
Being an INFJ is wonderful because they see the world in a way that others don’t. Unfortunately, because they feel misunderstood, it’s a breeding ground for unhealthy personality traits.
1. They Think They’re Superior
This trait shows up often in people who have only recently discovered their INFJ type. It’s pretty normal for INFJs to feel misunderstood in early life because so few people are actually similar to them. When they finally do discover that there’s an answer for all their confusion, they can swing too far the other direction and start believing that they are the BEST empaths, the BEST personality type, the MOST insightful. They start looking down on “commoners” (other more common personality types) and give off an air of pretension and snobbery (not very empathic or insightful, to be honest).
2. They Can Be Out of Touch With Reality
When INFJs are in a Ni-Ti loop, they get so fixated on theorising about the future and keeping to themselves that they lose touch with the human condition and the real world around them. When INFJs are in a loop they become stuck in analysis-paralysis. Other signs of a loop include:
Combatively using intelligence to prove self-worth Being cynical and critical of themselves and others Claiming to be self-aware, but being incapable of honesty about their own feelings Blindness to their own emotional dysfunction Difficulty processing own emotions. May blow up prematurely, only to regret it later. Isolating themselves excessively – cancelling plans and being unreliable in relationships Being clumsy and/or oblivious more often than not
3. They Can Be People-Pleasers
INFJs crave harmonious, positive interactions with people. Conflict is anathema to them, and they hate the feeling of letting anyone down. Because INFJs are so driven to help others and to create a positive sense of morale, they can have a hard time saying no or setting strong boundaries. Being in the midst of conflict situations and letting their voice be heard can also be a trial for them. They may be guarded, burned-out, or taken advantage of by others because of their more compliant nature.
4. Can Look Down On Others as “Shallow”
INFJs are so focussed on the big picture and understanding the grand scheme of things that they can be condescending or patronising to types that prioritise a moment-to-moment focus. They may pretentiously shrug off the concerns of others, seeing them as trivial, unimportant, or silly. It can be difficult for them to connect with others if they are too fixated on how they are different from others, rather than seeing the strengths of other perspectives.
5. They Can Get Stuck In Inertia
INFJs are fixated on patterns, trends, and timing. Before they act on something, they want to know the long-term implications of that decision. It’s important for them to analyse many different perspectives before they take action. While this CAN be a good thing, it can also be a roadblock to productivity. Some INFJs get so fixated on getting their timing just right, and making their plan absolutely flawless, that they never take action or they miss an opportunity.
6. When Stressed, They Can Be Reckless and Hedonistic
INFJs experiencing “grip stress” (when INFJs are experiencing chronic stress or sudden, extreme stress, they may fall into the grip of their inferior function; Extraverted Sensing. This isn’t your everyday normal stress either, the stress has to be pretty intense or lengthy to push an INFJ to this point.) They can become uncharacteristically pleasure-seeking, impulsive, and self-destructive. They may binge-eat, drink excessively, or chase after sensory pleasures. Some INFJs find more constructive ways to deal with grip stress – they may exercise, frantically clean, or listen to loud music as a way of coping.
7. They Can Be Stubborn And Single-Minded To A Fault
INFJs are fixated on narrowing down their options to one most ideal option for their life. They spend a lot of time analysing and theorising until they choose their direction, but when they decide they’re nearly impossible to sway in another direction. It’s as if their body just goes into autopilot to fulfil the needs of their vision. INFJs can procrastinate A LOT, but when they have a crystallised vision, they are nearly unstoppable. While this can be good, it can also make them absolutely immovable when alternate suggestions are made. They may push ahead frantically to achieve their vision, even at the cost of their health, relationships, or well-being.
8. They May Think Everyone Hates Them
Most people in the world feel misunderstood at times. However, INFJs in particular, have a hard time finding people who truly “get” them. They often struggle to communicate their ideas and visions because so few people process information the same way they do. Their intuition is introverted in nature, so their ideas and insights are often seen as symbols or pictures inside their mind. Trying to express those ideas and images can be a struggle, and they frequently get shrugs or confused reactions rather than acceptance or curiosity. As a result, many INFJs are highly self-critical and may even feel that there is something wrong with them mentally. They may keep their inner world a secret and feel afraid to open up to anyone.
9. They’re Unyielding Perfectionists
INFJs tend to get detailed, nuanced pictures in their mind of how they want their projects to look. They are visionaries with idealistic dreams and standards. This means that they can always be better, their projects can always be more perfect, and they feel a compulsion to keep growing and being better versions of themselves. While personal growth is a good thing, if it leads to a ceaseless dissatisfaction with one’s self it can become damaging. INFJs need to take time to appreciate “good enough” and rest, rather than pushing and punishing themselves to a point of burn-out and chronic dissatisfaction.
10. They Can Become Co-Dependent
Because INFJs tend to be natural givers, it can be easy for them to feel responsible for other people’s feelings. Naturally empathetic, they tune into the emotional wavelengths around them and try to keep them in a state of harmony. Unfortunately, this can lead to co-dependency.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
They use their personality type as an excuse to continue unhealthy behaviours.
EDIT: For those commenting on this post with feelings of hurt or anyone who feels offended, do note that NO person in this world is perfect, and while INFJ personality types are pretty amazing, we are not exempt. Often, our environment and inability to grow as a person can compound our weaknesses, turning us into an unhealthy INFJ. The good news is that once you’re able to admit and work on your weaknesses, you can turn them into strengths, but first, you need to know what traits are holding you back in life.
If you aren’t sure whether you are a healthy (or balanced) INFJ or an unhealthy one, evaluate your reaction to the points above… It may be a good indicator of where you are on the scale. If you have some unhealthy INFJ traits, one of them could be that you take things way too personally, which could make you resistant to constructive criticism and any type of feedback.
Being an INFJ is wonderful because they see the world in a way that others don’t. Unfortunately, because they feel misunderstood, it’s a breeding ground for unhealthy personality traits.
1. They Think They’re Superior
This trait shows up often in people who have only recently discovered their INFJ type. It’s pretty normal for INFJs to feel misunderstood in early life because so few people are actually similar to them. When they finally do discover that there’s an answer for all their confusion, they can swing too far the other direction and start believing that they are the BEST empaths, the BEST personality type, the MOST insightful. They start looking down on “commoners” (other more common personality types) and give off an air of pretension and snobbery (not very empathic or insightful, to be honest).
2. They Can Be Out of Touch With Reality
When INFJs are in a Ni-Ti loop, they get so fixated on theorising about the future and keeping to themselves that they lose touch with the human condition and the real world around them. When INFJs are in a loop they become stuck in analysis-paralysis. Other signs of a loop include:
Combatively using intelligence to prove self-worth Being cynical and critical of themselves and others Claiming to be self-aware, but being incapable of honesty about their own feelings Blindness to their own emotional dysfunction Difficulty processing own emotions. May blow up prematurely, only to regret it later. Isolating themselves excessively – cancelling plans and being unreliable in relationships Being clumsy and/or oblivious more often than not
3. They Can Be People-Pleasers
INFJs crave harmonious, positive interactions with people. Conflict is anathema to them, and they hate the feeling of letting anyone down. Because INFJs are so driven to help others and to create a positive sense of morale, they can have a hard time saying no or setting strong boundaries. Being in the midst of conflict situations and letting their voice be heard can also be a trial for them. They may be guarded, burned-out, or taken advantage of by others because of their more compliant nature.
4. Can Look Down On Others as “Shallow”
INFJs are so focussed on the big picture and understanding the grand scheme of things that they can be condescending or patronising to types that prioritise a moment-to-moment focus. They may pretentiously shrug off the concerns of others, seeing them as trivial, unimportant, or silly. It can be difficult for them to connect with others if they are too fixated on how they are different from others, rather than seeing the strengths of other perspectives.
5. They Can Get Stuck In Inertia
INFJs are fixated on patterns, trends, and timing. Before they act on something, they want to know the long-term implications of that decision. It’s important for them to analyse many different perspectives before they take action. While this CAN be a good thing, it can also be a roadblock to productivity. Some INFJs get so fixated on getting their timing just right, and making their plan absolutely flawless, that they never take action or they miss an opportunity.
6. When Stressed, They Can Be Reckless and Hedonistic
INFJs experiencing “grip stress” (when INFJs are experiencing chronic stress or sudden, extreme stress, they may fall into the grip of their inferior function; Extraverted Sensing. This isn’t your everyday normal stress either, the stress has to be pretty intense or lengthy to push an INFJ to this point.) They can become uncharacteristically pleasure-seeking, impulsive, and self-destructive. They may binge-eat, drink excessively, or chase after sensory pleasures. Some INFJs find more constructive ways to deal with grip stress – they may exercise, frantically clean, or listen to loud music as a way of coping.
7. They Can Be Stubborn And Single-Minded To A Fault
INFJs are fixated on narrowing down their options to one most ideal option for their life. They spend a lot of time analysing and theorising until they choose their direction, but when they decide they’re nearly impossible to sway in another direction. It’s as if their body just goes into autopilot to fulfil the needs of their vision. INFJs can procrastinate A LOT, but when they have a crystallised vision, they are nearly unstoppable. While this can be good, it can also make them absolutely immovable when alternate suggestions are made. They may push ahead frantically to achieve their vision, even at the cost of their health, relationships, or well-being.
8. They May Think Everyone Hates Them
Most people in the world feel misunderstood at times. However, INFJs in particular, have a hard time finding people who truly “get” them. They often struggle to communicate their ideas and visions because so few people process information the same way they do. Their intuition is introverted in nature, so their ideas and insights are often seen as symbols or pictures inside their mind. Trying to express those ideas and images can be a struggle, and they frequently get shrugs or confused reactions rather than acceptance or curiosity. As a result, many INFJs are highly self-critical and may even feel that there is something wrong with them mentally. They may keep their inner world a secret and feel afraid to open up to anyone.
9. They’re Unyielding Perfectionists
INFJs tend to get detailed, nuanced pictures in their mind of how they want their projects to look. They are visionaries with idealistic dreams and standards. This means that they can always be better, their projects can always be more perfect, and they feel a compulsion to keep growing and being better versions of themselves. While personal growth is a good thing, if it leads to a ceaseless dissatisfaction with one’s self it can become damaging. INFJs need to take time to appreciate “good enough” and rest, rather than pushing and punishing themselves to a point of burn-out and chronic dissatisfaction.
10. They Can Become Co-Dependent
Because INFJs tend to be natural givers, it can be easy for them to feel responsible for other people’s feelings. Naturally empathetic, they tune into the emotional wavelengths around them and try to keep them in a state of harmony. Unfortunately, this can lead to co-dependency.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
They use their personality type as an excuse to continue unhealthy behaviours.
EDIT: For those commenting on this post with feelings of hurt or anyone who feels offended, do note that NO person in this world is perfect, and while INFJ personality types are pretty amazing, we are not exempt. Often, our environment and inability to grow as a person can compound our weaknesses, turning us into an unhealthy INFJ. The good news is that once you’re able to admit and work on your weaknesses, you can turn them into strengths, but first, you need to know what traits are holding you back in life.
If you aren’t sure whether you are a healthy (or balanced) INFJ or an unhealthy one, evaluate your reaction to the points above… It may be a good indicator of where you are on the scale. If you have some unhealthy INFJ traits, one of them could be that you take things way too personally, which could make you resistant to constructive criticism and any type of feedback.
Saturday, November 16, 2024
What are good room ideas for kids with autism?
[Answered on Quora.com by Audrey Kranbuhl]
Really it just depends on the person and what their needs are. Here are some of the things I have in my room that help me though:
Window tint: my bedroom window is facing where the sun rises. I’m sensitive to bright/harsh lights, so I recently put-up window tint to help soften the light that comes in. (It’s also reflective so it helps keep some heat out.)
An oil diffuser: One of my biggest sensory issues is strong smells. So, having some softer scents that I enjoy in my room help me calm down and feel safe. (For me, those scents are vanilla and pumpkin spice.)
A weighted blanket: It help w DPT, calming me down, and helping me sleep at night.
My own room: Now this might not be possible for everyone, but having my own room gives me a space where I can demask and recharge w/o having to worry about other people.
No alarm clocks: The sound of alarms in the morning is a huge sensory issue for me. Now, I homeschool so if I end up sleeping in a bit it’s not that big of a deal.
Stuffed animals: Most of my stuffed animals I’ve had since childhood and they’re very sentimental to me. But they also help calm me down in a sensory overload or anxiety attack.
Softer colors: My room doesn’t really have any super bright colors or led lights in it. (Save for some of my art that I’ve hung up.) This helps my room feel cozier and safer, and it’s less overstimulating.
That’s all I can think of rn.
I hope this helps!
Really it just depends on the person and what their needs are. Here are some of the things I have in my room that help me though:
Window tint: my bedroom window is facing where the sun rises. I’m sensitive to bright/harsh lights, so I recently put-up window tint to help soften the light that comes in. (It’s also reflective so it helps keep some heat out.)
An oil diffuser: One of my biggest sensory issues is strong smells. So, having some softer scents that I enjoy in my room help me calm down and feel safe. (For me, those scents are vanilla and pumpkin spice.)
A weighted blanket: It help w DPT, calming me down, and helping me sleep at night.
My own room: Now this might not be possible for everyone, but having my own room gives me a space where I can demask and recharge w/o having to worry about other people.
No alarm clocks: The sound of alarms in the morning is a huge sensory issue for me. Now, I homeschool so if I end up sleeping in a bit it’s not that big of a deal.
Stuffed animals: Most of my stuffed animals I’ve had since childhood and they’re very sentimental to me. But they also help calm me down in a sensory overload or anxiety attack.
Softer colors: My room doesn’t really have any super bright colors or led lights in it. (Save for some of my art that I’ve hung up.) This helps my room feel cozier and safer, and it’s less overstimulating.
That’s all I can think of rn.
I hope this helps!
Thursday, November 14, 2024
What do psychologists think but keep to themselves about depressed people?
[Answered on Quora.com by Lisa Ike]
As a mental health therapist and with 2 years under my belt, I have discovered a consistent theme among my clients who struggle with depression and much other outstanding forms of mental ailments. I can say most of my clients experiencing depression care less about themselves and magnify attention on other individuals or material possessions. This has inadvertently served as their distractor as they worry less about their problems and see less of their self-destruction. The tangibles, the drama, the relationship have prevented them from addressing the provocation of their illness insofar they are unaware they suffer from depression until voiced by others.
Depression serves as their protect shield. Once they’ve reached this melancholic stage, the blows of life are no longer as strong for they expect only the worst of all possibilities. They have relinquished all efforts to try and seek a greater good. “Why try?” is always the question asked. The thing is, it’s quite simple to maintain this state of inactivity once you’ve accepted this as your reality.
It’s quite difficult waking up to the unexpected and flowing with the waves of life. It’s quite challenging placing a smile to blend with the masses after recovering from a heartbreak. It’s quite laborious engaging in robotic transactions for a paycheck that solely covers rent and alternate basic needs. It’s quite challenging living day by day with effortless ease and calmness when the world has persistently ridiculed your authenticity and banned you from their social circle of honor.
Letting go of life and themselves is the route many of my clients have decided to take in order to cope with the unbalance of their life. The majority could care less of the road ahead and at times, would rather forgo any path that propels them to vitality. They have settled in this state and feel no need to experience the zest of life, for life has failed them.
Edit: I have reviewed the comments of this response and vaule the opinions shared by others. It is quite easy speaking from our personal standpoint and feeling angered when our experience is not ‘accurately’ stated. I thrive on learning and wish to continue this journey as I work with my clients and read your feedback.
I would like to state: my response was SOLELY based on observations of my clients. It is by no means a general assessment, my personal perspective or my attempt to cure depression. My thought exactly is: “I hope I can shift their life outlook and allow in a positive view.” I hope we can continue to engage in productive dialogue. Thanks!
As a mental health therapist and with 2 years under my belt, I have discovered a consistent theme among my clients who struggle with depression and much other outstanding forms of mental ailments. I can say most of my clients experiencing depression care less about themselves and magnify attention on other individuals or material possessions. This has inadvertently served as their distractor as they worry less about their problems and see less of their self-destruction. The tangibles, the drama, the relationship have prevented them from addressing the provocation of their illness insofar they are unaware they suffer from depression until voiced by others.
Depression serves as their protect shield. Once they’ve reached this melancholic stage, the blows of life are no longer as strong for they expect only the worst of all possibilities. They have relinquished all efforts to try and seek a greater good. “Why try?” is always the question asked. The thing is, it’s quite simple to maintain this state of inactivity once you’ve accepted this as your reality.
It’s quite difficult waking up to the unexpected and flowing with the waves of life. It’s quite challenging placing a smile to blend with the masses after recovering from a heartbreak. It’s quite laborious engaging in robotic transactions for a paycheck that solely covers rent and alternate basic needs. It’s quite challenging living day by day with effortless ease and calmness when the world has persistently ridiculed your authenticity and banned you from their social circle of honor.
Letting go of life and themselves is the route many of my clients have decided to take in order to cope with the unbalance of their life. The majority could care less of the road ahead and at times, would rather forgo any path that propels them to vitality. They have settled in this state and feel no need to experience the zest of life, for life has failed them.
Edit: I have reviewed the comments of this response and vaule the opinions shared by others. It is quite easy speaking from our personal standpoint and feeling angered when our experience is not ‘accurately’ stated. I thrive on learning and wish to continue this journey as I work with my clients and read your feedback.
I would like to state: my response was SOLELY based on observations of my clients. It is by no means a general assessment, my personal perspective or my attempt to cure depression. My thought exactly is: “I hope I can shift their life outlook and allow in a positive view.” I hope we can continue to engage in productive dialogue. Thanks!
Thursday, November 7, 2024
Wednesday, November 6, 2024
Democracy died in plain sight
[Written by Drew Magary of SFGate]
Donald Trump was elected president again last night. After being voted out of office in 2020. After trying to rig the vote and then to overthrow the government by force in the wake of that loss. After all but welcoming a pandemic that ended up killing more than a million of us. After ripping away abortion care rights from millions of American women. After being impeached, twice. After being convicted of multiple felonies. After dogging it on the campaign trail, playing to emptying halls while speaking in demented tongues unknown even to him. After all of that, and God knows what else, we have to do this s—t all over again.
There are a lot of dirty hands involved in this. I can blame the Senate, which declined to convict in either of Trump’s impeachments. I can blame a cowed mainstream media. I can blame the internet. I can blame a judiciary that now deserves to be burned to the ground. I can blame voter suppression and intimidation. I can blame Democrats. I can blame Joe Biden. I can blame Republicans. I can blame the youth voters (et tu, children?). I can blame Elon. I can blame Florida. I can blame them all, and I’d have facts on my side in every instance.
But honestly, what does it matter? My fellow Americans, and they feel so distant right now, watched Trump infect them all with his greasy feels and said, “Thank you, sir, may I have another?” That’s the cold, awful truth I’m left to stew in this morning, and many mornings thereafter.
In fact, Americans were so hyped for four more years of this s—t that Trump won last night in a walk. He carried the popular vote too, so I can’t even blame the Electoral College this time around. Trump told Americans that he wanted to rule them with a clammy fist, and they liked the idea. They liked it so much that they passed on electing a woman president for the second time in eight years. It’s that simple, that cruel, that lazy, and that irrevocable.
I can try to divine a why to all of this. Is it because America has always been this irrational and hateful? Is it because millions of Americans hated Trump but still voted for him anyway because they were simply sick of telling him no? Is it because God? Millions of thoughtful words will be written in a collective attempt to divine the answer, but none of them will be sufficient. Not when the pain is this acute. This lasting.
I believed that Vice President Kamala Harris would trounce the former president last night. She said and did all of the right things. She tapped perhaps the world’s most genuine sports dad to be her running mate. She was on the side of goodness and normalcy, and Democrats, myself among them, assumed that Trump’s open calls to end democracy would turn off all freedom-loving Americans. I wanted to believe that. I had to believe that, because it appealed to my own better nature and because who wants final confirmation that they live among monsters? So I went into Election Day full of excitement, rather than dread. This wasn’t 2016. Everyone knew Trump’s deal and everyone, women especially, had suffered immensely under his previous administration. Surely that would be enough, I figured. Anyone who thought otherwise was just a doomer trying to s—t in the punchbowl. But they were trying to warn me, and I was too blinded by imaginary good vibes to heed them. Now I feel stupid, because I should. I also feel depressed, because I should.
Mostly, I feel tired. I’d spent the past decade angry, and was ready to finally get on with my life in a more normal America. I’d joined the fight and given mightily to it, giving myself permission to assume that my efforts would pay off. This isn’t how life works. It’s never been how life has worked. You do your best, and you take comfort in that because your best is never a guarantee of victory, not even when your opponent campaigns by dancing around to ABBA while his colleagues stare at him uneasily.
I can’t take comfort in those efforts right now, not with such a grotesque future world in the offing. If you voted for Harris last night, you understand my feelings innately, and have probably been stewing in them since the LAST time we put this deranged asshole in charge of things. There’s a chance that Trump’s attempt at remaking the government in his image will still fail. As of this writing, Democrats still have a chance to win back the House once all of the votes have been counted. And Trump’s last presidency showed that, even when he’s been gifted immense power, he’s still too rash and too stupid to actually make good on his darkest threats. But that’s thin gruel to subsist on right now, because my fellow Americans did this. They wanted this, and I’ll never again take it as a given that they’re a good and kind people. The cost is too high.
Donald Trump was elected president again last night. After being voted out of office in 2020. After trying to rig the vote and then to overthrow the government by force in the wake of that loss. After all but welcoming a pandemic that ended up killing more than a million of us. After ripping away abortion care rights from millions of American women. After being impeached, twice. After being convicted of multiple felonies. After dogging it on the campaign trail, playing to emptying halls while speaking in demented tongues unknown even to him. After all of that, and God knows what else, we have to do this s—t all over again.
There are a lot of dirty hands involved in this. I can blame the Senate, which declined to convict in either of Trump’s impeachments. I can blame a cowed mainstream media. I can blame the internet. I can blame a judiciary that now deserves to be burned to the ground. I can blame voter suppression and intimidation. I can blame Democrats. I can blame Joe Biden. I can blame Republicans. I can blame the youth voters (et tu, children?). I can blame Elon. I can blame Florida. I can blame them all, and I’d have facts on my side in every instance.
But honestly, what does it matter? My fellow Americans, and they feel so distant right now, watched Trump infect them all with his greasy feels and said, “Thank you, sir, may I have another?” That’s the cold, awful truth I’m left to stew in this morning, and many mornings thereafter.
In fact, Americans were so hyped for four more years of this s—t that Trump won last night in a walk. He carried the popular vote too, so I can’t even blame the Electoral College this time around. Trump told Americans that he wanted to rule them with a clammy fist, and they liked the idea. They liked it so much that they passed on electing a woman president for the second time in eight years. It’s that simple, that cruel, that lazy, and that irrevocable.
I can try to divine a why to all of this. Is it because America has always been this irrational and hateful? Is it because millions of Americans hated Trump but still voted for him anyway because they were simply sick of telling him no? Is it because God? Millions of thoughtful words will be written in a collective attempt to divine the answer, but none of them will be sufficient. Not when the pain is this acute. This lasting.
I believed that Vice President Kamala Harris would trounce the former president last night. She said and did all of the right things. She tapped perhaps the world’s most genuine sports dad to be her running mate. She was on the side of goodness and normalcy, and Democrats, myself among them, assumed that Trump’s open calls to end democracy would turn off all freedom-loving Americans. I wanted to believe that. I had to believe that, because it appealed to my own better nature and because who wants final confirmation that they live among monsters? So I went into Election Day full of excitement, rather than dread. This wasn’t 2016. Everyone knew Trump’s deal and everyone, women especially, had suffered immensely under his previous administration. Surely that would be enough, I figured. Anyone who thought otherwise was just a doomer trying to s—t in the punchbowl. But they were trying to warn me, and I was too blinded by imaginary good vibes to heed them. Now I feel stupid, because I should. I also feel depressed, because I should.
Mostly, I feel tired. I’d spent the past decade angry, and was ready to finally get on with my life in a more normal America. I’d joined the fight and given mightily to it, giving myself permission to assume that my efforts would pay off. This isn’t how life works. It’s never been how life has worked. You do your best, and you take comfort in that because your best is never a guarantee of victory, not even when your opponent campaigns by dancing around to ABBA while his colleagues stare at him uneasily.
I can’t take comfort in those efforts right now, not with such a grotesque future world in the offing. If you voted for Harris last night, you understand my feelings innately, and have probably been stewing in them since the LAST time we put this deranged asshole in charge of things. There’s a chance that Trump’s attempt at remaking the government in his image will still fail. As of this writing, Democrats still have a chance to win back the House once all of the votes have been counted. And Trump’s last presidency showed that, even when he’s been gifted immense power, he’s still too rash and too stupid to actually make good on his darkest threats. But that’s thin gruel to subsist on right now, because my fellow Americans did this. They wanted this, and I’ll never again take it as a given that they’re a good and kind people. The cost is too high.
Monday, November 4, 2024
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