Planet Anna Haukness

October 6 general greeting to any/all family and friends

2011-10-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

Hi, happy Thursday! I hope it's an easy and pleasant one for you.
Here we're having a notably rainy day, with times of clearing. K3's whole soccer league had soccer practice cancelled yesterday, so as to not damage the heavily-soggy fields.
I went to a National Merit Scholar breakfast at 7:00 this morning - K1 was honored, along with other recipients. We were told there are around 16,000 other such students in the U.S.A. who have scored well enough on their PSATs (fall of junior year) to get this distinction. It's a pretty special distinction that the kids are told to note in their college applications, yet there are quite a few other bright students around the country that get this.
My spouse was nice enough to let me go to the awards breakfast, since K2 needed to be driven to school halfway through the breakfast, and K3 needed driving to school by the end of the breakfast. We don't have school buses in this town. At the breakfast, I felt a little socially awkward just cooling my heels with the other students and their parents, but I enjoyed listening to the guidance counselors encouraging the kids, asking each kid his specific story. Also, the guidance counselors gave good reminders of when the kids should be doing what - Wow, everything must be completed so early! The dates seem excessively early, but yet this is reality (so wake up and smell the cat food).
I seem to have a significant cold, for how my throat hurts today and the difficulty I'm having with blocked nasal passages. I took one Sudafed and now I'm kind of ... flying - but my nasal passages are open. (I first felt this Sudafed flying feeling at age 10, when a pediatrician recommended/prescribed Sudafed for me. I used to get very swollen tonsils each August like clockwork, as an older child, leading to tonsillectomy at 13.) This cold must be what was making me so bone-weary and sleepy, since the past weekend. Anyway, now that I'm this far along in the developing of the symptoms, I'll probably be feeling a lot better by Saturday. I managed to do 4 workouts between Monday and Thursday anyway, and I met my previous requirements of myself (currently 45 minutes cardio, 45 - 60 minutes weights, because somehow this always adds up to 2 hours when I'm done wandering around and showering, and 2 hours is what I feel I have time for.
On Saturday K3 is performing at St. Mary's fair. I hope it's not still raining; we've had this rain since Monday. We have been going to that Catholic church's autumn fair nearly every year since we've been in CA - this year K3 is performing in it. :-) She is doing Tae Kwon Do demonstrations with a group at Studio Kicks. We only have to show up half an hour before the fair starts - so being in the St. Mary's fair will not be as significant of a time commitment as when one of the kids has marched in the December children's holiday parade; for that one, they all have to line up hours before start time, to be stationed in their right waiting spot, etc.
I had a big cry yesterday - the regular theme - though at least it had been quite a few days. Am trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps now, but the skin under my eyes feels baggy, heavy and tired. A little reminder of my indulgence in crying yesterday. That's okay; it's only for a day (unless I start crying again, which I'm trying fairly hard not to do. I don't want to look sad and old, for others to have to look at).
I really want to see my all my loved ones again - ask them how things turned out for them when they were dying, and shortly thereafter, and what is it like to be in a different form, and can they help me, the newbie (assuming we're all dead when we meet again)? And can we have a few laughs while we're doing so, and some reminiscences, before going on to the next learning experience?
Anyway, these are some of the things in my mind these days.
I hope you and your whole family are well. I think of you all, a lot, and wish you all my best.

Sunday morning October 2, 2011

2011-10-02T07:02:00.000-07:00

Sunday October 2, 2011 partial journal entry, before a Southwest YMCA bout:

While I was gone, the San Jose CA area had a >90s F spell. Glad I missed that. It is quite warm now - but windy - there is tree debris down all over the yard. I will enjoy tending to that tidying today, hopefully with my 4 felines all near me.

I got taken out by the 4 others for a birthday dinner Saturday night, at a nice fish restaurant called "Fish Market". It's a chain, but a good one. And at least we can all agree that their au gratin potatoes are so rich; they are a favorite. I got a free chocolate ganache dessert out of it; I shared it with everyone who dug in. After that, we went to a nearby mall and got a few school clothes and shoe items for the kids.

(I can, in this next time period, start squirreling away new shorts for Andy for Christmas, as sort of a reminder/promise that he Will grow soon. And in the San Jose CA area, Andy Never has to wear long pants at all - except that when we drive up to Tahoe, his father makes him wear pants, because you never know what kind of road and snow conditions you'll find up there.)

Well, hopefully we'll both have gentle and peaceful days. I look forward in my time in the yard, and with the kids and spouse. I also have new laundry to do - the stuff since Friday morning - but I also enjoy doing that for my family, seeing as No One Else in the World Does Laundry As Well As I Do - so there's an area in which I can joyfully give! ;-)

Well, I think that maybe I have you smiling and laughing already - so I guess that's good for today. :-)

With most of my love (I want to save an extra dose for the people around me and our cats), Anna

Happy Sunday September 4

2011-09-04T07:21:00.000-07:00

I hope you and your family have nice days in front of you.
I finally got back to the gym yesterday. I was off exercise a full 14 days due to a condition of mine, sadness. I had it bad. In addition to my "thing to dwell upon", I was also thinking of the September 11 families. People magazine had a spread on September 11 posthumous and young children in their September 12 issue. I almost never can resist buying a People magazine when I pass through an airport.
I am of a September 11 family, in a way, in that my nephew was born on that day.
I am now trying to claw my way back out of the pit of despair. Like in the movie "Silence of the Lambs", with some of my favorite actors. For sure, I will exercise today. I always, Always feel better after having exercised, mentally and physically. It's like I've gone through the warm-ups for the day ahead, and the engine is already at a low purr.
Through all this, I feel I have been there for my family - at least most of the time.
I wasn't a slacker at the gym yesterday, either; I put in 40 minutes of aggressive cardio, and about the same time on weights (single sets). I didn't have to back off my previous weights or reps from 14 days ago, and I don't feel the slightest discomfort today. I had a shower and a nice piece of fish right after my exercise bout, so I could run morning errands before getting back to my family for lunch.
I bought some 5-HTP through the GNC/Rite Aid in our town, and started that yesterday. It's just an amino acid, so what can go wrong. (It's not tryptophan.) I started out very conservatively. No ill effects noted, 18 hours out.
My muscles and mind feel great, too, 24 hours out, probably because They thought I had just given them a Huge rest, for once. Ha ha!
Take care, Anna

August 29, 2011 partial journal entry

2011-08-29T06:42:00.000-07:00

My past weekend was pleasant and productive. I hope yours was, too.

On Saturday, the youngest kid tested for "purple one belt", which is the next step up after plain purple. She passed, and did well during the testing. Since springtime, she has been treated very well at Studio Kicks (not that she wasn't before, but now she gets more specialized and personalized attention and more kudos). The director of the program cared enough to ask her how her camp experience was - because she's always the first kid out and ready on the mat, so there are sometimes a few seconds for her instructor to talk to her. The older kids didn't come to watch the testing, this time. My spouse didn't want to make them, because they needed to get focused on school; they have just completed their first week and today (Monday) is the first day of their second week. I missed having them there, but I didn't say much about it; I kept it low-key. I like when the youngest kid is watched by her siblings - even if the middle kid says "Nice job, retard" afterwards. We got photos and video, as always.

Sunday around midday, I took a few hours for myself, and I drove to La Selva beach, Soquel, and back north to my town on the Old San Jose road. It was a lovely drive on a lovely day, and I played lots of good music, and I thought the mood of those hours was great. Things were nice at home, when I got back, too. On the way back, I stopped in the newly remodeled Safeway which just reopened a few days ago, for my first time. It was busy there. I recognized and greeted some moms.

I haven't been able to exercise for a number of days. I am in a hard place, emotionally, but I still keep trying to come up for air. I have done some useful projects around the house, though, and even some heavy yard work (digging with a big shovel to liberate the soil; it gets hard-packed so quickly, here). I think the shoveling counts as somewhat significant exercise. I've also been doing a lot of kids-back-to-school heavy housework this past week, so I haven't been a complete slouch physically.

We almost could have gone to Olive Garden on Saturday night. It was one of the kids' suggestions, and we were surprised that we were getting agreement on a restaurant choice by several people (not every kid, though). Instead, we wound up at the Sonoma Chicken Coup, which is good and has something for everybody, but the middle kid refused to eat, and he "refuses to listen to reason" that he needs food to grow. I tell him when one of the other mothers I know says the same thing is happening with her kid. He is about one inch shorter than me right now, and he has a shoe size slightly larger than mine right now. Ha ha, I often wear his slides during the day when he is not home, because they feel great.

I think I'll have a pretty good day and week. I am predisposed to be pleasant and humorous with my family today, because I got a good recharge over the weekend, both with them and away from them.

I hope you'll have a nice day and week.

July 8, 2011 partial journal entry

2011-07-08T10:25:00.001-07:00

Friday July 8, 2011

It’s just after 8:30 a.m. on Friday morning in the summertime, and I just put in a load of laundry. Tears for my missing deceased kitty Posey still come several times daily. (I woke up at 3:21 a.m. today and the first thing I did is cry a bit for Posey, who I miss so much, and the last thing I did last night at 10:30 p.m. something was to cry for Posey.) Posey was my very frequent laundry room buddy and helper during the past year, so I especially miss her there. I am currently keeping in the laundry room the black igneous “broken heart” shaped rock that I found in the Russian river near Healdsburg on July 4 - as Posey is why my heart is currently broken.

When I was in the laundry room just a few minutes ago, I was recalling how when I was with K2 and K3 and Posey, I would frequently gently stroke Posey over and over, proclaiming, “We have a kitten, we have a kitten, we have a kitten” with an awe-filled voice. (K2 and K3 and I had been calling Posey “the big kitten” since we got younger kitten Oliver on May 14, and since Posey had turned 1 on about May 20.) Since Posey is missing to us now … we don’t have that kitten. So I am sad - heartbroken! I wanted to have loved her for quite many years – but I guess we did love her well for almost her whole life. So … I’m crying again for my kitty who is gone from my arms and purview (purr-view?), but whose body is actually something like only 10 feet from me as I type this now. I failed to protect Posey kitty, which is what I said I’d do when I signed on to care for her for 20+ years – and I’m having trouble forgiving myself and moving on.

The day of her demise, Tuesday June 14, I lied down on the family room sofa in the late morning with a slight headache after leaving the sliding glass door cracked for Posey, since she had been cooped up all morning. Usually we made the morning gardening rounds together, but I had been up since 12:30 a.m. with a headache, and just wanted to lie down for a bit, and maybe even try to doze to make up for some of my missing sleep. I figured Posey would just roll on the warm bricks right outside our family room door and patrol the pollinators on the lavender bush as she usually did. She usually didn’t seem to like to venture far from me, and if I wasn’t outside, she either wasn’t outside or was right outside the family room door or the living room sliding door, looking at the insects. I am so glad I gave Posey a thorough and loving stroking and cooing-to when I returned home from my volunteer commitment at 10:15 a.m.; I really got her purring that morning, good - I specifically recall making a mental note to tell K2 later that I had gotten Posey purring really well this morning. What made her go to the street? (If we can presume a car hit her.) Did she follow me to the mailbox when I checked for the mail around midday? I don’t remember her being there, or checking the mail, but I virtually always check the mail at that time. Did she stay near the street if she shadowed me, and get distracted into the street at the wrong time, or did something scare her and make her bolt into the street? Or did that happen when she was out by the street on her own, when I wasn’t watching her or exactly aware of where she was? – When I was not on guard for the sweet kitten I had signed on to love and nurture and protect. And does it even matter? Now her ions are feeding back into the soil, and she is nourishing the soil, just like some mouse ions were nourishing Posey’s mother, when she was pregnant with Posey last year. I put pansy seeds into the soil over Posey’s spot, and I put freshly bloomed jasmine blossoms there, too. I know I love getting my hands into all our soil and always have, so I feel connected to Posey in that way, too, because she is of the soil now. I also feel connected to Posey and all good beasties in being able to recall that I’ve always treated cats well and lovingly, and nurtured them, and given them “my last hamburger” (which my friend Scott once marveled at, but I wasn’t too impressed with, since I knew my next meal was due in only a few hours). I wish I hadn’t teased Scott’s cat Pancho with aluminum foil, which Pancho was very frightened of, but I was very young and stupid then, and I think that was the only time I was mean to a cat. I've always treated dogs very well, too.

We are all destined someday to be has-been corpses, because of the nature of time; it’s just a matter of when. It’s good to know corpses are part of the cycle of nature, too. I Still think it’s neat that there is life.

I have been able to exercise vigorously - but not too much, as I’m sometimes prone to do, in my fit middle-aged arrogance - at the Southwest YMCA this week. Lately since mostly having stopped running again after the Girls on the Run 5k on May 14, I’ve only been doing 30 minutes of vigorous cardio (usually elliptical, sometimes treadmill running 10 minute miles for 15-30 minutes still). My weights go quickly because I’m only doing single sets, and I get them done in not much longer than 30 minutes, these days. In July 2010, I set new weight records for myself at my gym, and was exercising a lot – and I didn’t even Know Posey kitty existed yet. (Strange to think, there was a Time Before I loved Posey. It feels like I’ve Always loved Posey. I first met her and fell in love with her cute and dear face on August 3, 2010.) Anyway, although I am still working fairly committedly in weights, a lot of the equipment they had last year is gone, which cut my daily weights a lot, and I just haven’t felt called to grow myself a lot in that area, recently. Maybe such progress will come again sometime, or maybe I’ll just maintain the good strength I have now. I AM leg pressing 210 pounds now, after all – 2 sets of 12 because the second set is a calf raise rather than mostly thigh. I do get my heart going hard enough during cardio each time that I can only squeeze out a few words, and I keep that up for 30 minutes, at least, numerous times a week. Anyway. Just trying to stay positive in the way that I can, right now.

By the way: an online definition of “purview”: the extent or range of function, power, or competence; scope; range of vision, comprehension, or experience; outlook.

© 2011 (July 8) Anna Haukness, All Rights Reserved.