[Answered on Quora.com by Neil Johnson]
Them: Nice weather, isn’t it.
Me: (Internally) Logical brain is interrupted momentarily by an unrequested comment that is unclear if it's a statement or a question and rejects the word nice as a subjective definition. I have no choice but to reinterpret their statement as them asking me a question about my subjective opinion about the weather, because from experience asking people to define ‘Nice’, and asking if what they said is a statement or a question is not a part of socially accepted replies.
A polite Hello would have been sufficient and I still struggle to understand why neurotypical people don't say what they mean.
So I assess the ambient temperature, windspeed, cloud formations, approximate barometric pressure, actual approximate temperature, etc. I have to assume they find the weather ‘nice’ based on the fact that whatever sensory input it gave them is prompting them to think its nice and they feel they need validation in that experience. In reality, they could have just won £500 on a lottery scratch card and that made them feel good, and the warm sun on their face just prompted them to think that its nice. I don't know because I'm not them and they are not being clear about why they think it’s nice. By this point, I’m frustrated.
All this is in vain anyway as what they are really trying to say is, this weather makes me feel good (or not shit, if you’re from the UK). This is a problem, as my thoughts about weather don’t allow me to associate sun/wind/rain/snow etc. with feelings and emotions. (This is not limited to weather)
At this point I have to mask and put my learnt social chameleon behaviour into use.
Me: (Verbally) Oh, yes. It’s very nice.
For me personally, I don’t have a veneer level of thinking. It’s all deep thought, problem solving methodology, strategy and tactics, cause and effect, ‘what if’ loops and nonlinear causality. Data, facts, black and white, evidence based. I pick up complex concepts very quickly and can make extremely detailed plans and projects to make efficient changes in businesses. It's easy and fun to do this and probably the only thing that gives me actual feelings of pleasure, yes that's inclusive of sex, if you’re wondering about that.
Thursday, May 30, 2024
Monday, May 27, 2024
Gender-changing affirmational Haiku for Memorial day
Labels are able
to spell the name Isabel
if that is wanted
[This morning, I had seen the word "Label" written in large font, and it popped out at me that the words "Label" and "Iszabel" {<- ! - ha ha ha; spelled differently because I hadn't intended to deadname, I just noticed orthography similarities} both end in the same 4 letters.]
to spell the name Isabel
if that is wanted
[This morning, I had seen the word "Label" written in large font, and it popped out at me that the words "Label" and "Iszabel" {<- ! - ha ha ha; spelled differently because I hadn't intended to deadname, I just noticed orthography similarities} both end in the same 4 letters.]
Saturday, May 25, 2024
Missing National Representative
[Posted on Quora.com by Oscar Tay]
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American Samoan, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argentinian, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bengali, a Barbadian, a Barbudan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bermudan, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Botswanan, a Brazilian, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cape Verdean, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Caymanian, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comorian, a Congolese, a Cook Islander, a Costa Rican, an Ivorian, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czechlander, a Danish, a Djiboutian, a Dominican, a Timorese, an Ecuadorian, an Egyptian, a Salvadoran, an Equatoguinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinean, a Bissau-Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinan, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irish person, an Israeli, an Italian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakh, a Kenyan, an I-Kiribati, a Kittitian, a Korean, a Kosovar, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Basotho, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourder, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivian, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Montenegrin, a Moroccan, a Mozambican, a Burmese, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepali, a Nevisian, a Dutch, a New Zealean, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerien, a Nigerian, a Niuean, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papuan, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Filipino, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Puerto Rican, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Saint Vincentian, a Samoan, a Sammarinese, a São Toméan, a Saudi Arabian, a Scot, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovak, a Slovene, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Sudanese, a Sudanese, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tokelauan, a Tongan, a Trinidadian and a Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Turkmen, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, an Englishman, an Englishwoman, a Welshman and a Welshwoman, an American, a Uruguayan, an Uzbek, a Ni-Vanuatu, a Vaticanian, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Yemeni, a Zambian, and a Zimbabwean all walk into a fancy restaurant.
The maître d' says, “Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American Samoan, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argentinian, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bengali, a Barbadian, a Barbudan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bermudan, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Botswanan, a Brazilian, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cape Verdean, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Caymanian, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comorian, a Congolese, a Cook Islander, a Costa Rican, an Ivorian, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czechlander, a Danish, a Djiboutian, a Dominican, a Timorese, an Ecuadorian, an Egyptian, a Salvadoran, an Equatoguinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinean, a Bissau-Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinan, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irish person, an Israeli, an Italian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakh, a Kenyan, an I-Kiribati, a Kittitian, a Korean, a Kosovar, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Basotho, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourder, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivian, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Montenegrin, a Moroccan, a Mozambican, a Burmese, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepali, a Nevisian, a Dutch, a New Zealean, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerien, a Nigerian, a Niuean, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papuan, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Filipino, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Puerto Rican, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Saint Vincentian, a Samoan, a Sammarinese, a São Toméan, a Saudi Arabian, a Scot, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovak, a Slovene, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Sudanese, a Sudanese, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tokelauan, a Tongan, a Trinidadian and a Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Turkmen, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, an Englishman, an Englishwoman, a Welshman and a Welshwoman, an American, a Uruguayan, an Uzbek, a Ni-Vanuatu, a Vaticanian, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Yemeni, a Zambian, and a Zimbabwean all walk into a fancy restaurant.
The maître d' says, “Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”
Tuesday, May 21, 2024
What are some signs of Asperger's syndrome that can be observed through body language?
[Answered on Quora.com by Kathleen Godfrey]
The autistic trait that I have, that I didn’t think I had was the T-rex arm thing. I have no historical memory of doing it, but once it was pointed out in Youtube videos, I caught myself. When I pause, like in front of the fridge, I have my right arm, (I am left handed), held next to my ribs or waist and the right hand just hangs there like dead weight. I have excluded it from my bodily processing because I am all up in my head. Its so weird.
I was also the clutzy child, always skinned my knees when shorts season came along or I wore a skirt, right into my adulthood. Every winter I would fall on ice a few times until I got my ‘ice legs’ under me again. I did not win ribbons at school track meets, they were another form of torture. I was the kid that caught the softball with my head and got a concussion. I was the tortured kid in the locker room, always being laughed at for some reason, so Yes, physical signs were quite prevalent, even if no one knew what they were the signs of.
I avoided risking life and limb at all cost. Even when everyone else was doing it. Like ice skating. Which I could sort of do after the age of 14, I also didn’t learn to swim until 14. Self taught alone, where no one could see me.
I was also the kid who always won the school essay writing contests and earned the name, Teacher’s Pet’. I have been bullied, abused, and ostracized in almost every group of people I have been forced to deal with my whole life. So the signs must be many and quite readable by NTs.
The autistic trait that I have, that I didn’t think I had was the T-rex arm thing. I have no historical memory of doing it, but once it was pointed out in Youtube videos, I caught myself. When I pause, like in front of the fridge, I have my right arm, (I am left handed), held next to my ribs or waist and the right hand just hangs there like dead weight. I have excluded it from my bodily processing because I am all up in my head. Its so weird.
I was also the clutzy child, always skinned my knees when shorts season came along or I wore a skirt, right into my adulthood. Every winter I would fall on ice a few times until I got my ‘ice legs’ under me again. I did not win ribbons at school track meets, they were another form of torture. I was the kid that caught the softball with my head and got a concussion. I was the tortured kid in the locker room, always being laughed at for some reason, so Yes, physical signs were quite prevalent, even if no one knew what they were the signs of.
I avoided risking life and limb at all cost. Even when everyone else was doing it. Like ice skating. Which I could sort of do after the age of 14, I also didn’t learn to swim until 14. Self taught alone, where no one could see me.
I was also the kid who always won the school essay writing contests and earned the name, Teacher’s Pet’. I have been bullied, abused, and ostracized in almost every group of people I have been forced to deal with my whole life. So the signs must be many and quite readable by NTs.
Sunday, May 19, 2024
What are some autistic traits in adults that might not be obvious to others?
[Answered on Quora.com by Inco Gnito]
Speaking for myself. Here are some from the top of my head.
(Disclaimer: Please note that these are my symptoms, people can be autistic and not have these symptoms and have other additional symptoms).
1. Sensory sensitivity.
Sounds:
A noisy environment is hell for me, but if I say something about it, let’s say at work, I get derogatory comments like “you are such a grumpy geezer”. So I have learned not say anything. If it’s noisy at work, I just go home and work. Same thing if I am at a party or a bar where they play loud music, I make up some excuse and leave, because if I stay, I will more or less crash in 2 hours. I never tell people anymore, I have had enough of hearing how “over sensitive” I am…
Light:
Summer is kind if hard for me, because I need to wear sunglasses not to become tired because of all the light, so I constantly get comments insinuating that I wear glasses “all the time” because I try to look cool. I also can’t cope with led spots, which is very annoying since they have become fashionable. They are so annoying it almost hurts, I once quit an assignment as a consultant because they had led spots in the office. There is no idea telling people about it, they always just get annoyed and say things like “how about not being so sensitive all the time”, “You always have something to complain about”, “Why are you so difficult” etc. So, over the years I have learned to keep my mouth shut, so people generally don’t know I have these problems now.
Smells:
If someone has too much cologne or perfume, I have to leave. I have to get out of the line at the grocery store at least once a month and wait for the “stinky” person to leave and for the smell to disappear. If I don’t do this I will get a headache from hell that will last 2–3 hours. I also can’t stand people who smells of sweat, or have damp smelling clothes. It makes me physically nauseous. If someone has one of those air fresheners with fragrance I can’t stay in that apartment for longer than a few minutes or I will get overwhelmed and even might get a headache.
Touch:
In daily life when someone is touching me, like when I am shoulder to shoulder with someone on the bus, it is like some one is constantly talking right in my ear saying, “Someone is touching you, someone is touching you, someone is touching you, someone is touching you, someone is touching you,…”. Snuggling up together on the couch? That might be nice for 5–10 minutes, but then it is enough or I won’t have a clue what is happening in the movie.
2. More or less constant anxiety.
3. Problems with transitions, like stop doing what I am doing and getting on with a new thing, it takes an unreasonable amount of time and every time it cause anxiety. Getting into the shower, getting out of the shower, getting out of bed, getting into bed. Leaving home for work, leaving work for home. This problem is really time consuming, and probably what affects my life the most negatively of all the traits I have. It is a huge problem at work if I get something thrown into my lap I hadn't planned to do. My starting strip is long, then getting back to what I did takes time. Even a 10 second phone call for from a salesman can set me back 15 minutes. I REALLY hate Coffee breaks at work, first it is hard to stop working, then it is hard to end the coffee break. So while other lose 5–10 minutes of working time, I will lose double the amount and get anxious at the same time.
4. Unable to focus on anything when something else is planned later in the day.
5. Hidden stimming and ticks. I do a numerous of things others can’t se, because I learned to hide these things from a an early age not get bullied or teased.
6. I avoid a lot social events because they are exhausting to me, like AW… But I make up excuses. Generally people think I don’t want to hang out with them, they just don’t get or know that hanging out with more than 4–5 people at a time is pure torture for me. If you tell people about it, you get labeled as antisocial or boring, so I don’t.
7. Being totally exhausted after a 2-hour trip to the mall. Need to sleep 1–2 hours when I get home.
8. Needing much more sleep and rest than others because I get tired from being overwhelmed by either sensory input, too many things going on or social interaction. I sleep about 9 hours on average, very often a 1,5 hour nap in the middle of the day.
9. I am more or less allergic to surprises :) Even if I know in advance one is coming. If people invite me to go out for food and they say the location is a surprise, I will probably not go because of the anxiety it causes.
10. Anxiety and storming emotions inside when people don’t do things in an orderly fashion, or do them sloppy. For example I hate ordering in bars because there is no clear way in which order the bartender is taking orders and people generally just try to get ahead. Continue with bar theme: When the bartender spill beer or let the foam float over the top so that it’s beer outside the glass, I get anxious by those kinds of things, I mean ANXIOUS, and I have to take a napkin and dry the glass. It’s not like feeling a little annoyed, it is really upsetting, and I can’t distract my mind from it, so I really don’t do well around people that are sloppy, and that is quite socially limiting.
11. I get double hangovers from parties. :) First the alcohol but also the exhaustion from socially interacting for too many hours with too many people. There is a huge difference with my “hangover” if I am at home with one friend and drink, or if I am attending an event with lots of people.
12. About 2–3 times month on average I have to take a half day or an entire day off because I am overwhelmed by something. Once or twice a year it can be 2 days off, and the reason it is usually too many things going on in my life. I always save vacation time to make sure I am able to do this. A few times I have had to take an entire week off to just reset and get my thoughts and emotions into order. It has become less of a problem as I’m getting older because I have become better at managing myself. I know my limits. I usually excuse myself with having an errand, because if I tell people I need to sleep for 4 hours or just space out for a day or two to recover they always assume I am sloppy with sleep or that I am depressed or having a mental breakdown.
13. When writing posts like this, I am never satisfied with it and can get back to it 10–20 times to reedit… I did that with this one. LoL. But now I will stop…. Honestly! :)
14. Every time I have to drive to some place I haven’t been or use public transportation for an appointment I will be super anxious and I need to REALLY plan how to get there. I will start days ahead. I have to know exactly where to park, or exactly when bus or train is leaving and how long I will wait at each stop etc. If I drive I will start driving at least 1 hour too soon to be sure I will get there on time and have time for anything unexpected. To get rid of the anxiousness I plan any small little trip like I am going to the other side of the globe.
15. Very unreliable but otherwise exceptionally good memory. I temporally forget common words, all the time, and have to rephrase what I am saying, so people don’t notice. When at home, like doing chores, I constantly forget what I am doing, and I have to pause and use my mind to walk back and ask myself why I walked into this room, that works, so I can always recall. I can temporarily forget how to drive somewhere I have been to 30 times. I work IT, and I can suddenly forget a command I have used for 20 years, so I have to google it. I can even hesitate and forget my kids names for a short while. I constantly forget my phone number even though I have had it for 20 years. Now you might say, that sounds like early dementia, and that might be true, but then I have had early dementia since I was a kid… :) My memory works best if I am alone and tend to fail the most if another person ask me something IRL eye to an eye.
16. I am not a “team player” and never will be, not because I am egoistic or doesn’t want to, but because I function at least 300% better when I work alone.
Edit: Added bullet 17, 18 on 11th July 2023
17. ADD (sub diagnosis of ADHD). It is so common that that the scientific community are leaning towards including it into the Autistic spectrum.
18. Pathological Demand Avoidance, or PDA. Not necessary part of the autistic spectrum even though new research is leaning towards that. This means it is very hard for me to do things I “have to do”. Scheduling the day is like kryptonite to my productivity. I get anxious starting and doing “musts”, unlike other people who usually get calmer by ticking off todos. For me it causes anxiety. It is like I am not in control and have to do things because of external demands, hard to explain. The actual act of doing something I have to do makes me anxious while I am doing it.
Even worse if something happens that is unplanned, like a broken window at home. I can’t deal with it right away. It is like I can’t accept random things happening, so I can’t deal with it. I have to wait for it to sink in a few days, sometimes more time and sometimes just a few hours. So, even if it is just a phone call to a carpenter, I will first put duct tape on it and then call in the carpenter in a few days. Of course these kind of things can drive people around me crazy, and they think I am lazy, but I am really not. I think my last relationship (with my wife) crashed mainly just because of this, because she would get angry and do it herself, and ended up bitter over that “she had to do everything”, it is just that she didn’t have the patience to wait (I don’t blame her, really). People around me think it is classical procrastination, but it is not, I also procrastinate sometimes, but that is an entirely different feeling, and eventually I will do the tasks, unless they stagger up… Then I get totally overwhelmed and need a 1 or 2 days to do nothing at all. So I don’t respond well to external pressure... :) So I like doing things well in advance, which I get teased for. Like buying Christmas gifts in July… If I do something that isn’t a must, even if it is boring, I can work 16h-days… Ex: I studied german in school, and I sucked, I hated it. But when I got out of school and there was not pressure, it became a hobby and I learned it in 1–2 years. I also learned python programming language in my spare time, but when it was obligatory at the university I failed the class.
Generally my autism is quite hidden, even though I am close to lvl2, people do not know I am autistic even though almost everyone finds me a bit “quirky”. I am VERY good at masking (too good for my own sake) and have learned how to not get noticed for “the wrong reasons” the hard way. But I have real issues that I struggle with quite hard on a daily basis. I found this question interesting because I know many “normies” do not really understand that a person can be quite far into the spectrum without anyone actually noticing. So maybe this answer might raise some awareness so people might stop skeptically stating things like “well, everyone is a bit autistic” when people like me reveal they have a diagnosis. The struggle is quite real even though it might be invisible for most people.
This all sounds quite negative, a bit of nagging really…. so, anyway… by overall I wouldn’t want to take my autism away, because it has given me a very good and comfortable life. It have blessed me with a very high cognitive ability, which has served me well with school, hobby and career. I am never bored. I can have fun for hours alone just thinking about and maybe solving philosophical, political problems or likewise. I can have fun on a plane for hours with no phone, just being alone with my thoughts. So I am not even afraid to become poor. All I need to be happy and content is access to books, a bed and pen and paper and maybe a computer. Most of my problems with autism is how the normie society and normies constantly expect me to be like them and try to force my arm in order to be like them. And when I don’t act accordingly I get punished. So generally, I avoid “normal people” and “the normal society”.
Speaking for myself. Here are some from the top of my head.
(Disclaimer: Please note that these are my symptoms, people can be autistic and not have these symptoms and have other additional symptoms).
1. Sensory sensitivity.
Sounds:
A noisy environment is hell for me, but if I say something about it, let’s say at work, I get derogatory comments like “you are such a grumpy geezer”. So I have learned not say anything. If it’s noisy at work, I just go home and work. Same thing if I am at a party or a bar where they play loud music, I make up some excuse and leave, because if I stay, I will more or less crash in 2 hours. I never tell people anymore, I have had enough of hearing how “over sensitive” I am…
Light:
Summer is kind if hard for me, because I need to wear sunglasses not to become tired because of all the light, so I constantly get comments insinuating that I wear glasses “all the time” because I try to look cool. I also can’t cope with led spots, which is very annoying since they have become fashionable. They are so annoying it almost hurts, I once quit an assignment as a consultant because they had led spots in the office. There is no idea telling people about it, they always just get annoyed and say things like “how about not being so sensitive all the time”, “You always have something to complain about”, “Why are you so difficult” etc. So, over the years I have learned to keep my mouth shut, so people generally don’t know I have these problems now.
Smells:
If someone has too much cologne or perfume, I have to leave. I have to get out of the line at the grocery store at least once a month and wait for the “stinky” person to leave and for the smell to disappear. If I don’t do this I will get a headache from hell that will last 2–3 hours. I also can’t stand people who smells of sweat, or have damp smelling clothes. It makes me physically nauseous. If someone has one of those air fresheners with fragrance I can’t stay in that apartment for longer than a few minutes or I will get overwhelmed and even might get a headache.
Touch:
In daily life when someone is touching me, like when I am shoulder to shoulder with someone on the bus, it is like some one is constantly talking right in my ear saying, “Someone is touching you, someone is touching you, someone is touching you, someone is touching you, someone is touching you,…”. Snuggling up together on the couch? That might be nice for 5–10 minutes, but then it is enough or I won’t have a clue what is happening in the movie.
2. More or less constant anxiety.
3. Problems with transitions, like stop doing what I am doing and getting on with a new thing, it takes an unreasonable amount of time and every time it cause anxiety. Getting into the shower, getting out of the shower, getting out of bed, getting into bed. Leaving home for work, leaving work for home. This problem is really time consuming, and probably what affects my life the most negatively of all the traits I have. It is a huge problem at work if I get something thrown into my lap I hadn't planned to do. My starting strip is long, then getting back to what I did takes time. Even a 10 second phone call for from a salesman can set me back 15 minutes. I REALLY hate Coffee breaks at work, first it is hard to stop working, then it is hard to end the coffee break. So while other lose 5–10 minutes of working time, I will lose double the amount and get anxious at the same time.
4. Unable to focus on anything when something else is planned later in the day.
5. Hidden stimming and ticks. I do a numerous of things others can’t se, because I learned to hide these things from a an early age not get bullied or teased.
6. I avoid a lot social events because they are exhausting to me, like AW… But I make up excuses. Generally people think I don’t want to hang out with them, they just don’t get or know that hanging out with more than 4–5 people at a time is pure torture for me. If you tell people about it, you get labeled as antisocial or boring, so I don’t.
7. Being totally exhausted after a 2-hour trip to the mall. Need to sleep 1–2 hours when I get home.
8. Needing much more sleep and rest than others because I get tired from being overwhelmed by either sensory input, too many things going on or social interaction. I sleep about 9 hours on average, very often a 1,5 hour nap in the middle of the day.
9. I am more or less allergic to surprises :) Even if I know in advance one is coming. If people invite me to go out for food and they say the location is a surprise, I will probably not go because of the anxiety it causes.
10. Anxiety and storming emotions inside when people don’t do things in an orderly fashion, or do them sloppy. For example I hate ordering in bars because there is no clear way in which order the bartender is taking orders and people generally just try to get ahead. Continue with bar theme: When the bartender spill beer or let the foam float over the top so that it’s beer outside the glass, I get anxious by those kinds of things, I mean ANXIOUS, and I have to take a napkin and dry the glass. It’s not like feeling a little annoyed, it is really upsetting, and I can’t distract my mind from it, so I really don’t do well around people that are sloppy, and that is quite socially limiting.
11. I get double hangovers from parties. :) First the alcohol but also the exhaustion from socially interacting for too many hours with too many people. There is a huge difference with my “hangover” if I am at home with one friend and drink, or if I am attending an event with lots of people.
12. About 2–3 times month on average I have to take a half day or an entire day off because I am overwhelmed by something. Once or twice a year it can be 2 days off, and the reason it is usually too many things going on in my life. I always save vacation time to make sure I am able to do this. A few times I have had to take an entire week off to just reset and get my thoughts and emotions into order. It has become less of a problem as I’m getting older because I have become better at managing myself. I know my limits. I usually excuse myself with having an errand, because if I tell people I need to sleep for 4 hours or just space out for a day or two to recover they always assume I am sloppy with sleep or that I am depressed or having a mental breakdown.
13. When writing posts like this, I am never satisfied with it and can get back to it 10–20 times to reedit… I did that with this one. LoL. But now I will stop…. Honestly! :)
14. Every time I have to drive to some place I haven’t been or use public transportation for an appointment I will be super anxious and I need to REALLY plan how to get there. I will start days ahead. I have to know exactly where to park, or exactly when bus or train is leaving and how long I will wait at each stop etc. If I drive I will start driving at least 1 hour too soon to be sure I will get there on time and have time for anything unexpected. To get rid of the anxiousness I plan any small little trip like I am going to the other side of the globe.
15. Very unreliable but otherwise exceptionally good memory. I temporally forget common words, all the time, and have to rephrase what I am saying, so people don’t notice. When at home, like doing chores, I constantly forget what I am doing, and I have to pause and use my mind to walk back and ask myself why I walked into this room, that works, so I can always recall. I can temporarily forget how to drive somewhere I have been to 30 times. I work IT, and I can suddenly forget a command I have used for 20 years, so I have to google it. I can even hesitate and forget my kids names for a short while. I constantly forget my phone number even though I have had it for 20 years. Now you might say, that sounds like early dementia, and that might be true, but then I have had early dementia since I was a kid… :) My memory works best if I am alone and tend to fail the most if another person ask me something IRL eye to an eye.
16. I am not a “team player” and never will be, not because I am egoistic or doesn’t want to, but because I function at least 300% better when I work alone.
Edit: Added bullet 17, 18 on 11th July 2023
17. ADD (sub diagnosis of ADHD). It is so common that that the scientific community are leaning towards including it into the Autistic spectrum.
18. Pathological Demand Avoidance, or PDA. Not necessary part of the autistic spectrum even though new research is leaning towards that. This means it is very hard for me to do things I “have to do”. Scheduling the day is like kryptonite to my productivity. I get anxious starting and doing “musts”, unlike other people who usually get calmer by ticking off todos. For me it causes anxiety. It is like I am not in control and have to do things because of external demands, hard to explain. The actual act of doing something I have to do makes me anxious while I am doing it.
Even worse if something happens that is unplanned, like a broken window at home. I can’t deal with it right away. It is like I can’t accept random things happening, so I can’t deal with it. I have to wait for it to sink in a few days, sometimes more time and sometimes just a few hours. So, even if it is just a phone call to a carpenter, I will first put duct tape on it and then call in the carpenter in a few days. Of course these kind of things can drive people around me crazy, and they think I am lazy, but I am really not. I think my last relationship (with my wife) crashed mainly just because of this, because she would get angry and do it herself, and ended up bitter over that “she had to do everything”, it is just that she didn’t have the patience to wait (I don’t blame her, really). People around me think it is classical procrastination, but it is not, I also procrastinate sometimes, but that is an entirely different feeling, and eventually I will do the tasks, unless they stagger up… Then I get totally overwhelmed and need a 1 or 2 days to do nothing at all. So I don’t respond well to external pressure... :) So I like doing things well in advance, which I get teased for. Like buying Christmas gifts in July… If I do something that isn’t a must, even if it is boring, I can work 16h-days… Ex: I studied german in school, and I sucked, I hated it. But when I got out of school and there was not pressure, it became a hobby and I learned it in 1–2 years. I also learned python programming language in my spare time, but when it was obligatory at the university I failed the class.
Generally my autism is quite hidden, even though I am close to lvl2, people do not know I am autistic even though almost everyone finds me a bit “quirky”. I am VERY good at masking (too good for my own sake) and have learned how to not get noticed for “the wrong reasons” the hard way. But I have real issues that I struggle with quite hard on a daily basis. I found this question interesting because I know many “normies” do not really understand that a person can be quite far into the spectrum without anyone actually noticing. So maybe this answer might raise some awareness so people might stop skeptically stating things like “well, everyone is a bit autistic” when people like me reveal they have a diagnosis. The struggle is quite real even though it might be invisible for most people.
This all sounds quite negative, a bit of nagging really…. so, anyway… by overall I wouldn’t want to take my autism away, because it has given me a very good and comfortable life. It have blessed me with a very high cognitive ability, which has served me well with school, hobby and career. I am never bored. I can have fun for hours alone just thinking about and maybe solving philosophical, political problems or likewise. I can have fun on a plane for hours with no phone, just being alone with my thoughts. So I am not even afraid to become poor. All I need to be happy and content is access to books, a bed and pen and paper and maybe a computer. Most of my problems with autism is how the normie society and normies constantly expect me to be like them and try to force my arm in order to be like them. And when I don’t act accordingly I get punished. So generally, I avoid “normal people” and “the normal society”.
Friday, May 17, 2024
Therapists keep telling me I’m “too self aware” for therapy, when I give them logical reasonings for my “nihilistic” views, they can’t argue them, I want to be better, but I can’t just drop reality, what can I do?
[Answered on Quora.com by David McPhee, Ph.D.]
“Too self aware” could be kind code for “too self-absorbed,” based on the rest of your question, especially the part about “I can’t drop reality.”
Logic is a poor tool compared to true knowing. Folks who meditate regularly know what I’m trying to say, as do young children.
I hesitate to suggest remedies, since I fear you will have logical reasons why none of them will work, since every one of them will require you to drop your “reality” and open your heart and mind to the vast and limitless realities available to you.
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. When you are ready to “just drop” your narrow version of reality and take the risk of opening up, you’ll ask the question again and there will be answers for you. I promise.
Right now you resist and defeat the psychotherapeutic process because (I imagine) you fear considering deeper realities. It’s not uncommon at all, and there is nothing wrong with you at all, either. You are just at a fairly early stage of psychological development and understanding, which means you have a lot of joy in your future, if you can let go, even a little, of your “logic.”
“Too self aware” could be kind code for “too self-absorbed,” based on the rest of your question, especially the part about “I can’t drop reality.”
Logic is a poor tool compared to true knowing. Folks who meditate regularly know what I’m trying to say, as do young children.
I hesitate to suggest remedies, since I fear you will have logical reasons why none of them will work, since every one of them will require you to drop your “reality” and open your heart and mind to the vast and limitless realities available to you.
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. When you are ready to “just drop” your narrow version of reality and take the risk of opening up, you’ll ask the question again and there will be answers for you. I promise.
Right now you resist and defeat the psychotherapeutic process because (I imagine) you fear considering deeper realities. It’s not uncommon at all, and there is nothing wrong with you at all, either. You are just at a fairly early stage of psychological development and understanding, which means you have a lot of joy in your future, if you can let go, even a little, of your “logic.”
Thursday, May 16, 2024
David Gilmour "On An Island" (official)
Remember that night
White steps in the moonlight
They walked here too
Through empty playground, this ghost's town
Children again
On rusting swings getting higher
Sharing a dream
On an island, it felt right
We lay side by side
Between the moon and the tide
Mapping the stars for a while
Let the night surround you
We're halfway to the stars
Ebb and flow, let it go
Feel her warmth beside you
Remember that night
The warmth and the laughter
Candles burned
Though the church was deserted
At dawn, we went down
Through empty streets to the harbor
Dreamers may leave
But they're here ever after
Let the night surround you
We're halfway to the stars
Ebb and flow, let it go
Feel her warmth beside you
Cardiacs "Is This The Life" (official)
Following around to see a life
That's never in
Always calling itself on its own phone
Though it's never quite at home
In the world today
See it to arranging the day
Prepared in its own special way
With added loving care
Though it's not been there
Since yesterday
Looking so hard for a cause
And it don't care what it is
And never really ever seeing eye to eye
Though it doesn't really mind
Perhaps it's why
It never really saw
Never really saw
Saw-aw-aw-aw...
What is the hardest mental disorder to treat?
[Answered on Quora.com by David McPhee, Ph.D.]
Maybe OCPD. (Not OCD, which is an entirely different animal, and not particularly difficult to treat, by comparision).
And I’m just reporting on my own experience, and what I say may reveal more about my shortcomings than about OCPD.
Anyway, here’s a link with lots of information on OCPD: Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)
My experience has been that folks with OCPD can be extremely resistant to anything that looks like outside control, including medication and other treatments, that they tend to have rigidly held opinions and belief systems, and find it difficult to engage in a typical therapeutic process or even to have interpersonal relationships with any warmth, spontaneity, or reciprocity. And they can be serious hoarders. And indignant critics.
I have had folks with OCPD make me repeat things I said so they could write it down in their notebooks, furiously scribbling and filling pages, but with no sense that they would ever use any of these recorded quotes.
I confess that this was hard for me to write, because of my strong belief in the individuality of each client, and how I find myself talking about folks with OCPD as a group, but this is the disorder that has left me feeling ineffective and helpless more than any other.
Maybe OCPD. (Not OCD, which is an entirely different animal, and not particularly difficult to treat, by comparision).
And I’m just reporting on my own experience, and what I say may reveal more about my shortcomings than about OCPD.
Anyway, here’s a link with lots of information on OCPD: Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)
My experience has been that folks with OCPD can be extremely resistant to anything that looks like outside control, including medication and other treatments, that they tend to have rigidly held opinions and belief systems, and find it difficult to engage in a typical therapeutic process or even to have interpersonal relationships with any warmth, spontaneity, or reciprocity. And they can be serious hoarders. And indignant critics.
I have had folks with OCPD make me repeat things I said so they could write it down in their notebooks, furiously scribbling and filling pages, but with no sense that they would ever use any of these recorded quotes.
I confess that this was hard for me to write, because of my strong belief in the individuality of each client, and how I find myself talking about folks with OCPD as a group, but this is the disorder that has left me feeling ineffective and helpless more than any other.
Tuesday, May 14, 2024
Why do people with borderline personality disorder have a hard time growing up?
[Answered on Quora.com by Ken Pkillips]
They never got the chance.
Something, or someone, didn’t allow it.
Backstories from people I’ve known with BPD:
- They had to be a parent to their own parents.
- They had a long string of ACE’s (Adverse Childhood Experiences) instead of an actual childhood.
- They’d been scapegoated by pathologically narcissistic family members.
- They were treated like objects instead of children.
- They never received encouragement and reward for good behavior, they were overly punished and ridiculed for bad behavior.
- They were abandoned at birth.
- They spent their childhood being passed from one foster care to the next.
People with BPD have a hard time growing up because they never got the chance.
They never got the chance.
Something, or someone, didn’t allow it.
Backstories from people I’ve known with BPD:
- They had to be a parent to their own parents.
- They had a long string of ACE’s (Adverse Childhood Experiences) instead of an actual childhood.
- They’d been scapegoated by pathologically narcissistic family members.
- They were treated like objects instead of children.
- They never received encouragement and reward for good behavior, they were overly punished and ridiculed for bad behavior.
- They were abandoned at birth.
- They spent their childhood being passed from one foster care to the next.
People with BPD have a hard time growing up because they never got the chance.
Monday, May 13, 2024
How do people with IQs of 160 view people with IQs of 140?
[Answered on Quora.com by Ethereal Aspie Barbie]
I’ve tested at the 99.9th percentile. I’m a member of Mensa. It’s not a good thing.
One of the recurring topics in LinkedIn’s validated members only Mensa group is “If we’re so smart, why are we so much less successful than everyone who is less smart!”
I’ve come to understand there is an EXTREMELY high correlation between excessively high IQ and Asperger’s Syndrome. (Now merged with HFA: High Functioning Autism, as of the DSM V).
So that old phrase, “There’s a fine line between genius and insanity” should be restated as “There’s a fine line between genius and Asperger’s.” (I’ve been saying this for years. Maybe writing it here will finally get it to gain some traction).
But here’s the thing. It’s true! Asperger’s Syndrome is finally being appropriately recognized, first and foremost, as a sensory overload disorder. Why?
Imagine that you are running your hand across a wooden table top. Now imagine that your brain is trying to process every permutation of the texture of the table — just because it can! Sound cool? It’s not! Not when it happens with every single sensory input surrounding you every day.
I'd explain it to psychiatrists and neurologists this way:
“Have you ever been in the King of Prussia Mall (the largest shopping mall in the U.S. measured by square foot of retail space) 2 days before Christmas? You know what that feels like? You can’t wait to get out, right? Too much noise. Too many crazed people shopping. Too much sensory overload!”
“Now imagine every moment of every day of your life feels just like this. How do you cope? You learn to shut it out and shut yourself down."
Human contact is the most intense recurring sensory experience. It’s why one of the classic signs of Aspergers (and exceptionally high IQ) is that you can’t look at someone directly in the eyes. Your brain "sees" too much. Your whole person FEELS too much. It’s literally physically painful. So what do we do? We don’t look. We shut it out.
Then we fail to develop appropriate social skills. We don’t learn how to make friends. We don’t develop the political skills it takes to rise to the ranks of leadership in corporate America. We become bona fide NERDS! Or just socially inappropriate. And now we're back to that Mensa LinkedIn discussion.
When, at the age of 25, we get around to reading Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” we cry through the whole book. Thinking to ourselves, “If only someone had given me this book in kindergarten…" (yes, we could have read it and understood it back then; we were doing algebra, after all) "I might have had a chance at actually making friends as a kid.”
Directly answering the question asked here:
Ultimately and essentially, we’re left envying people who are more "normal." Or at least those with an IQ of 140. 130 is probably a little more enviable. But we wouldn’t know for sure since people don’t have the ability to relate to someone with greater than a 30 IQ point difference. Guys, please remember this when choosing a partner. You probably already know it, but intellect becomes a physiological NEED, not a “nice to have.” If you’re going for “looks” and not finding love, this is why.
People with excessively high IQs live with constant psychological pain. Especially without the help of mind-numbing drugs. Whether SSRIs, SNRIs, DRIs, benzodiazepines, marijuana, or alcohol.
Here's one you might not have heard before: People with exceptionally high IQs can also immediately tell when another person has an exceptionally high IQ by simply by observing how they move. Truly! No words needed.
We can observe the ways in which a person responds to physical stimuli and notice if they are shuddering ever so slightly from the sensory processing. The more (barely perceptible) shuddering, the higher their IQ. More proof that our bodies are simply not equipped to handle that level of neuroprocessing power.
A prominent neurology researcher in the Netherlands believes higher IQs are the next phase of human evolution. I hope he’s right. Because it would mean our bodies will finally catch up with our brains to be able to handle merely existing. It’s just a shame that I (or both of my siblings who committed suicide because of it) won’t ever get to experience that.
Time it took to write/rant about all this? Eighteen minutes. Go figure. Hopefully this will help someone someday. Or at least provide some insight as to the cause of anxiety and depression. Therapy is great, but it’s intended for psychological disorders, not neurological disorders. Excessively high IQ is a neurological disorder.
I’m sure some people out there will disagree with this last statement. But please know this: if you disagree and also have an exceptionally high IQ, you’re extremely rare and fortunate. So please don’t lash out at me for opening up the way I did here in such a public forum.
Additional Information to Hopefully Help with Recurring Questions
But first, I want to send out a "Thank You!" to everyone who has contributed. I'm trying to reply to as many of you as I can, but since there are a few recurring questions, I thought I'd add this edit to address them here.
1) For those of you wanting to read about some of the newer clinical/scientific data about the relationship between autism and IQ, please take a look at this article on the US NIH website: Autism As a Disorder of High Intelligence. It’s a bit technical and brain structure focused, but the Abstract provides a good summary. The references cited might answer other technical questions for you as well. My take on the article? It’s interesting and compelling, but I’m not yet comfortable agreeing with the title. The content after the title is credible.
2) In light of the above, please know I'm NOT suggesting everyone with Asperger's has an exceptionally high IQ. What I am saying is — in my own personal and professional experience — I've yet to meet a person with an exceptionally high IQ who doesn't present with some characteristics of sensory overload, which overlaps with HFA/Asperger's. Since correlation does not equal causality, I've tried to be careful about implying direct causality. But, if the idea of a causal relationship interests you (one way or another), please read the (anecdotal) comments below from people with personal experience.
3) If you're curious about whether or not Asperger's may apply to you, I recommend taking this quiz TWICE: Autism And Asperger's Quiz. First, as the person you are today. Then again as your 15-year old self, before you mastered whatever techniques you use today to be more socially successful. The test is interesting, but there's a good chance you'll find the before and after contrast even more interesting.
Thank you again for your participation, as well as your kindness, encouragement and support!
I’ve tested at the 99.9th percentile. I’m a member of Mensa. It’s not a good thing.
One of the recurring topics in LinkedIn’s validated members only Mensa group is “If we’re so smart, why are we so much less successful than everyone who is less smart!”
I’ve come to understand there is an EXTREMELY high correlation between excessively high IQ and Asperger’s Syndrome. (Now merged with HFA: High Functioning Autism, as of the DSM V).
So that old phrase, “There’s a fine line between genius and insanity” should be restated as “There’s a fine line between genius and Asperger’s.” (I’ve been saying this for years. Maybe writing it here will finally get it to gain some traction).
But here’s the thing. It’s true! Asperger’s Syndrome is finally being appropriately recognized, first and foremost, as a sensory overload disorder. Why?
Imagine that you are running your hand across a wooden table top. Now imagine that your brain is trying to process every permutation of the texture of the table — just because it can! Sound cool? It’s not! Not when it happens with every single sensory input surrounding you every day.
I'd explain it to psychiatrists and neurologists this way:
“Have you ever been in the King of Prussia Mall (the largest shopping mall in the U.S. measured by square foot of retail space) 2 days before Christmas? You know what that feels like? You can’t wait to get out, right? Too much noise. Too many crazed people shopping. Too much sensory overload!”
“Now imagine every moment of every day of your life feels just like this. How do you cope? You learn to shut it out and shut yourself down."
Human contact is the most intense recurring sensory experience. It’s why one of the classic signs of Aspergers (and exceptionally high IQ) is that you can’t look at someone directly in the eyes. Your brain "sees" too much. Your whole person FEELS too much. It’s literally physically painful. So what do we do? We don’t look. We shut it out.
Then we fail to develop appropriate social skills. We don’t learn how to make friends. We don’t develop the political skills it takes to rise to the ranks of leadership in corporate America. We become bona fide NERDS! Or just socially inappropriate. And now we're back to that Mensa LinkedIn discussion.
When, at the age of 25, we get around to reading Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” we cry through the whole book. Thinking to ourselves, “If only someone had given me this book in kindergarten…" (yes, we could have read it and understood it back then; we were doing algebra, after all) "I might have had a chance at actually making friends as a kid.”
Directly answering the question asked here:
Ultimately and essentially, we’re left envying people who are more "normal." Or at least those with an IQ of 140. 130 is probably a little more enviable. But we wouldn’t know for sure since people don’t have the ability to relate to someone with greater than a 30 IQ point difference. Guys, please remember this when choosing a partner. You probably already know it, but intellect becomes a physiological NEED, not a “nice to have.” If you’re going for “looks” and not finding love, this is why.
People with excessively high IQs live with constant psychological pain. Especially without the help of mind-numbing drugs. Whether SSRIs, SNRIs, DRIs, benzodiazepines, marijuana, or alcohol.
Here's one you might not have heard before: People with exceptionally high IQs can also immediately tell when another person has an exceptionally high IQ by simply by observing how they move. Truly! No words needed.
We can observe the ways in which a person responds to physical stimuli and notice if they are shuddering ever so slightly from the sensory processing. The more (barely perceptible) shuddering, the higher their IQ. More proof that our bodies are simply not equipped to handle that level of neuroprocessing power.
A prominent neurology researcher in the Netherlands believes higher IQs are the next phase of human evolution. I hope he’s right. Because it would mean our bodies will finally catch up with our brains to be able to handle merely existing. It’s just a shame that I (or both of my siblings who committed suicide because of it) won’t ever get to experience that.
Time it took to write/rant about all this? Eighteen minutes. Go figure. Hopefully this will help someone someday. Or at least provide some insight as to the cause of anxiety and depression. Therapy is great, but it’s intended for psychological disorders, not neurological disorders. Excessively high IQ is a neurological disorder.
I’m sure some people out there will disagree with this last statement. But please know this: if you disagree and also have an exceptionally high IQ, you’re extremely rare and fortunate. So please don’t lash out at me for opening up the way I did here in such a public forum.
Additional Information to Hopefully Help with Recurring Questions
But first, I want to send out a "Thank You!" to everyone who has contributed. I'm trying to reply to as many of you as I can, but since there are a few recurring questions, I thought I'd add this edit to address them here.
1) For those of you wanting to read about some of the newer clinical/scientific data about the relationship between autism and IQ, please take a look at this article on the US NIH website: Autism As a Disorder of High Intelligence. It’s a bit technical and brain structure focused, but the Abstract provides a good summary. The references cited might answer other technical questions for you as well. My take on the article? It’s interesting and compelling, but I’m not yet comfortable agreeing with the title. The content after the title is credible.
2) In light of the above, please know I'm NOT suggesting everyone with Asperger's has an exceptionally high IQ. What I am saying is — in my own personal and professional experience — I've yet to meet a person with an exceptionally high IQ who doesn't present with some characteristics of sensory overload, which overlaps with HFA/Asperger's. Since correlation does not equal causality, I've tried to be careful about implying direct causality. But, if the idea of a causal relationship interests you (one way or another), please read the (anecdotal) comments below from people with personal experience.
3) If you're curious about whether or not Asperger's may apply to you, I recommend taking this quiz TWICE: Autism And Asperger's Quiz. First, as the person you are today. Then again as your 15-year old self, before you mastered whatever techniques you use today to be more socially successful. The test is interesting, but there's a good chance you'll find the before and after contrast even more interesting.
Thank you again for your participation, as well as your kindness, encouragement and support!
Saturday, May 11, 2024
Today I "purred" [drove] up and down a small part of the Pacific coast and heard these good driving songs
Air "New Star In The Sky" - Live 03 March 2024 Berlin at Theater des Westens
The B-52's "Revolution Earth"
Eric Clapton "Badge" (Live in Hyde Park 1996)
Laurie Anderson "Language Is A Virus"
Peter Murphy & his son Adem "Indigo Eyes" Live
Flying Colors "Blue Ocean"
Talk Talk "It's My Life"
The B-52's "Revolution Earth"
Eric Clapton "Badge" (Live in Hyde Park 1996)
Laurie Anderson "Language Is A Virus"
Peter Murphy & his son Adem "Indigo Eyes" Live
Flying Colors "Blue Ocean"
Talk Talk "It's My Life"
Wednesday, May 8, 2024
Why am I not able to get out of my past even though I have found a true and sincere person?
{Answered on Quora.com by Kovelrs Lee]
Ah, the past can be like an old song that somehow never leaves your playlist, coming on shuffle just when you thought you’d moved on to newer tunes. Finding a true and sincere person is like discovering a new favorite song that speaks to your soul—beautiful and hopeful. But sometimes, we find ourselves stuck on the old tracks, not because we want to live in the past, but because those tunes have etched themselves so deeply into our being.
The heart and mind have their own pace when it comes to healing and moving on. Here's a bit of insight into why it might be challenging to step fully into the present:
1. **Emotional Imprints:** Past experiences, especially those that were intense or longstanding, leave imprints on our emotional selves. These imprints can create deep grooves that aren’t easily smoothed over, even by new, positive experiences.
2. **Fear of Repetition:** Sometimes, it’s not the past itself that holds us, but the fear of history repeating. We worry that the same hurts or mistakes will resurface, making us overly cautious, even in genuinely good and new situations.
3. **Identity and Growth:** Our past experiences contribute to who we are today. Integrating those experiences into our present identity can feel like a puzzle where the pieces don’t quite fit anymore. It’s a process of relearning who we are in this new chapter.
4. **Unresolved Feelings or Issues:** Often, lingering attachments to the past are a sign of unresolved feelings—things we haven’t fully processed, understood, or made peace with.
So, what can we do to ease the grip of the past and embrace the present, especially when it holds something as precious as a true and sincere connection?
- **Acknowledge and Accept:** Recognize the feelings and thoughts you have about the past without judgment. Accepting that they exist is the first step in moving through them.
- **Express and Explore:** Sometimes, talking about these feelings, writing them down, or expressing them through art or music can help process them in a way that feels constructive.
- **Mindfulness and Presence:** Practice being in the moment. Mindfulness techniques, like focused breathing or meditation, can help anchor you in the present, making it easier to appreciate and connect with what’s right in front of you.
- **Seek Support:** Conversations with trusted friends, a partner, or a professional can provide insights and perspectives that we might miss when we’re navigating the haze of our past alone.
- **Patience with Yourself:** Be kind and patient with yourself. Healing and moving forward is not about erasing the past but learning to carry it with you in a way that doesn’t dim the brightness of the present or the possibility of the future.
The melody of your past has shaped you, but the music of your present and future can be composed of new themes, rhythms, and harmonies. You hold the pen and the instrument—it's yours to create with.
Ah, the past can be like an old song that somehow never leaves your playlist, coming on shuffle just when you thought you’d moved on to newer tunes. Finding a true and sincere person is like discovering a new favorite song that speaks to your soul—beautiful and hopeful. But sometimes, we find ourselves stuck on the old tracks, not because we want to live in the past, but because those tunes have etched themselves so deeply into our being.
The heart and mind have their own pace when it comes to healing and moving on. Here's a bit of insight into why it might be challenging to step fully into the present:
1. **Emotional Imprints:** Past experiences, especially those that were intense or longstanding, leave imprints on our emotional selves. These imprints can create deep grooves that aren’t easily smoothed over, even by new, positive experiences.
2. **Fear of Repetition:** Sometimes, it’s not the past itself that holds us, but the fear of history repeating. We worry that the same hurts or mistakes will resurface, making us overly cautious, even in genuinely good and new situations.
3. **Identity and Growth:** Our past experiences contribute to who we are today. Integrating those experiences into our present identity can feel like a puzzle where the pieces don’t quite fit anymore. It’s a process of relearning who we are in this new chapter.
4. **Unresolved Feelings or Issues:** Often, lingering attachments to the past are a sign of unresolved feelings—things we haven’t fully processed, understood, or made peace with.
So, what can we do to ease the grip of the past and embrace the present, especially when it holds something as precious as a true and sincere connection?
- **Acknowledge and Accept:** Recognize the feelings and thoughts you have about the past without judgment. Accepting that they exist is the first step in moving through them.
- **Express and Explore:** Sometimes, talking about these feelings, writing them down, or expressing them through art or music can help process them in a way that feels constructive.
- **Mindfulness and Presence:** Practice being in the moment. Mindfulness techniques, like focused breathing or meditation, can help anchor you in the present, making it easier to appreciate and connect with what’s right in front of you.
- **Seek Support:** Conversations with trusted friends, a partner, or a professional can provide insights and perspectives that we might miss when we’re navigating the haze of our past alone.
- **Patience with Yourself:** Be kind and patient with yourself. Healing and moving forward is not about erasing the past but learning to carry it with you in a way that doesn’t dim the brightness of the present or the possibility of the future.
The melody of your past has shaped you, but the music of your present and future can be composed of new themes, rhythms, and harmonies. You hold the pen and the instrument—it's yours to create with.
Tuesday, May 7, 2024
What is a tu quoque fallacy?
[Answered on Quora.com by Alex Johnston]
Ah, tu quoque. So common. So easy to do. And, like the Monty Hall Problem, the reason why it’s a fallacy is counter-intuitive.
Here is a simple tu quoque:
A: Hey, are you eating a third bacon & cheeseburger? You know, you shouldn’t, they’re really fattening.
B: But you eat eight bacon & cheeseburgers per day, and as a result, you’re morbidly obese and have had three heart attacks. So you can’t talk to me about that. Bingo! Ya burned!
Here’s why B has committed a fallacy: the fact that A eats eight bacon & cheeseburgers per day has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that three bacon & cheeseburgers really are fattening.
A’s observation that B is eating unhealthily is absolutely correct. The fact that A also eats unhealthily doesn’t make A wrong.
But, you will say, hypocrisy!
Yes, we reply, hypocritical, sure, but still 100% true. B should not eat three bacon & cheeseburgers, any more than A should eat eight.
The hypocrisy could be said to lie in the act of A pointing out that B is eating unhealthily. It’s irritating to B that A, of all people, should say this, but that still doesn’t make it untrue.
It is of course obvious that the tu quoque fallacy is one of the central weapons in political discourse today, and people don’t call it out because the fact that tu quoque is a logical fallacy has no purchase on people who are thinking not logically, but in terms of their tribal loyalties.
Ah, tu quoque. So common. So easy to do. And, like the Monty Hall Problem, the reason why it’s a fallacy is counter-intuitive.
Here is a simple tu quoque:
A: Hey, are you eating a third bacon & cheeseburger? You know, you shouldn’t, they’re really fattening.
B: But you eat eight bacon & cheeseburgers per day, and as a result, you’re morbidly obese and have had three heart attacks. So you can’t talk to me about that. Bingo! Ya burned!
Here’s why B has committed a fallacy: the fact that A eats eight bacon & cheeseburgers per day has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that three bacon & cheeseburgers really are fattening.
A’s observation that B is eating unhealthily is absolutely correct. The fact that A also eats unhealthily doesn’t make A wrong.
But, you will say, hypocrisy!
Yes, we reply, hypocritical, sure, but still 100% true. B should not eat three bacon & cheeseburgers, any more than A should eat eight.
The hypocrisy could be said to lie in the act of A pointing out that B is eating unhealthily. It’s irritating to B that A, of all people, should say this, but that still doesn’t make it untrue.
It is of course obvious that the tu quoque fallacy is one of the central weapons in political discourse today, and people don’t call it out because the fact that tu quoque is a logical fallacy has no purchase on people who are thinking not logically, but in terms of their tribal loyalties.
Sunday, May 5, 2024
Sanity (from daily ACA email)
"One of the keys to being restored to sanity involves surrendering our need to harm ourselves or to run from our feelings."
It is not sane to have a battle within ourselves to keep feelings from surfacing. By running from our emotions, we lose out on the valuable lessons they may teach us. When we deny or stuff feelings, they continue to hide just under the surface. They become jumbled and confusing and tend to come out with the slightest trigger.
When feelings are experienced rather than denied, they lose their power. By learning to sit with our feelings and acknowledge them, we practice self-love. As we start to love ourselves more, we will want to harm ourselves less and begin to treat ourselves with genuine kindness and compassion.
But we don't just stop the behavior of self-harm all at once. Part of the process is to surrender this need to our Higher Power, knowing that we will be shown how to love ourselves.
On this day I will nurture myself by accepting my feelings as they arise, knowing they hold opportunities for me to grow and love myself more fully.
It is not sane to have a battle within ourselves to keep feelings from surfacing. By running from our emotions, we lose out on the valuable lessons they may teach us. When we deny or stuff feelings, they continue to hide just under the surface. They become jumbled and confusing and tend to come out with the slightest trigger.
When feelings are experienced rather than denied, they lose their power. By learning to sit with our feelings and acknowledge them, we practice self-love. As we start to love ourselves more, we will want to harm ourselves less and begin to treat ourselves with genuine kindness and compassion.
But we don't just stop the behavior of self-harm all at once. Part of the process is to surrender this need to our Higher Power, knowing that we will be shown how to love ourselves.
On this day I will nurture myself by accepting my feelings as they arise, knowing they hold opportunities for me to grow and love myself more fully.
Saturday, May 4, 2024
What are weird habits of the covert narcissist?
[Answered on Quora.com by Julie Barnes]
1. They will never answer directly when questioned. They typically reply with a question.
2. Everything out of their mouths is calculated. They don't know why else to speak, if they don't have a motive.
1. They will never answer directly when questioned. They typically reply with a question.
2. Everything out of their mouths is calculated. They don't know why else to speak, if they don't have a motive.
Thursday, May 2, 2024
Why are intelligent and deep people always depressed?
[Answered on Quora.com by Marsho Atkins]
I am answering this as a very highly intelligent autistic male:
Because we see things 100 layers deeper than everyone else in complexity, we notice things people are oblivious to, we see solutions no one does - the best word I love to use is we see PATTERNS everywhere.
Now you might ask why does any of this necessarily have to cause depression or sadness in a person? The answer is two things:
1. First, we see how fake and superficial most things society preaches are, we see how everyone essentially acts in self-interest and we get pretty cynical about life, we just don't buy bullshit even if in heart we truly wish we did - this would be freeing for us.
2. Now the bigger problem is, we find it very hard to get our points across, we find how in losing position we are should we ever raise our concerns and, even more, solutions to them. We know better than anyone else how masses work and how most people are nothing but sheep (I love to call them sheeple) who can be very easily influenced and led to anything blindly, ignorantly. We know that we are gonna be ridiculed, mocked and disregarded by people who are clearly ten seas below us in some subject/topic we discuss. We know we have to dumb down ourselves all the times if we even want to win something in society, we have to constantly justify and explain in primitive words our different and unique actions and mindset and even then we know most times no one will understand us anyway. Laugh, ridicule, name-calling, disregard, labeling - this is what we have seen our entire lives so we shut ourselves up and live our lives lonely, seeing just how much potential we have to make this world better place and how we are outnumbered and outpowered - then we blame ourselves for this because - in our minds "since we are this much above everyone else in intelligence we are somehow responsible for even finding the ways to enlighten people. No, lol, this isn't gonna happen.
I am answering this as a very highly intelligent autistic male:
Because we see things 100 layers deeper than everyone else in complexity, we notice things people are oblivious to, we see solutions no one does - the best word I love to use is we see PATTERNS everywhere.
Now you might ask why does any of this necessarily have to cause depression or sadness in a person? The answer is two things:
1. First, we see how fake and superficial most things society preaches are, we see how everyone essentially acts in self-interest and we get pretty cynical about life, we just don't buy bullshit even if in heart we truly wish we did - this would be freeing for us.
2. Now the bigger problem is, we find it very hard to get our points across, we find how in losing position we are should we ever raise our concerns and, even more, solutions to them. We know better than anyone else how masses work and how most people are nothing but sheep (I love to call them sheeple) who can be very easily influenced and led to anything blindly, ignorantly. We know that we are gonna be ridiculed, mocked and disregarded by people who are clearly ten seas below us in some subject/topic we discuss. We know we have to dumb down ourselves all the times if we even want to win something in society, we have to constantly justify and explain in primitive words our different and unique actions and mindset and even then we know most times no one will understand us anyway. Laugh, ridicule, name-calling, disregard, labeling - this is what we have seen our entire lives so we shut ourselves up and live our lives lonely, seeing just how much potential we have to make this world better place and how we are outnumbered and outpowered - then we blame ourselves for this because - in our minds "since we are this much above everyone else in intelligence we are somehow responsible for even finding the ways to enlighten people. No, lol, this isn't gonna happen.
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