Saturday, March 30, 2024
Thursday, March 28, 2024
Wednesday, March 27, 2024
Can a therapist's level of niceness impact their patient's progress?
[Answered on Quora.com by David McPhee, Ph.D.]
You have to be careful with “niceness.” It’s definitely not on Roger’s list — accurate empathy, genuineness, concreteness, immediacy, and unconditional positive regard.
Levels of those qualities, along with authenticity, are what impact the connection that is healing, empowering, and generally effective. (I don’t like “progress,” a term that can confuse the true nature, but I write about that elsewhere).
Niceness is easy to fake, and communicates everying from non-threat to selling something to seduction. Too many victims of sexual assualt, adults and kids, had a predator or attacker who led with massive “niceness.” Too many sexually exploited kids have been groomed through super-niceness of the perpetrator. Traumatized folks can interpret too much niceness as potentially dangerous.
So, paradoxically, overdoses of niceness can interfere with deep authenticity, and may even be read as dangerous in a therapy situation.
You have to be careful with “niceness.” It’s definitely not on Roger’s list — accurate empathy, genuineness, concreteness, immediacy, and unconditional positive regard.
Levels of those qualities, along with authenticity, are what impact the connection that is healing, empowering, and generally effective. (I don’t like “progress,” a term that can confuse the true nature, but I write about that elsewhere).
Niceness is easy to fake, and communicates everying from non-threat to selling something to seduction. Too many victims of sexual assualt, adults and kids, had a predator or attacker who led with massive “niceness.” Too many sexually exploited kids have been groomed through super-niceness of the perpetrator. Traumatized folks can interpret too much niceness as potentially dangerous.
So, paradoxically, overdoses of niceness can interfere with deep authenticity, and may even be read as dangerous in a therapy situation.
Sunday, March 24, 2024
Why are many Republicans against LGBTQ rights?
[Answered on Quora.com by Andrew Weill]
The Republicans of today have two terrible problems:
They don’t dare run on their actual agenda, because it is highly distasteful to large segments of the electorate. They have surrendered leadership to an embarrassingly incompetent and corrupt person incapable of management or statesmanship, who has contempt for democratic norms. These are major substantive problems. Thus, they have little choice except to resort to the most common cowardly, dishonest tactic of the demagogue: manufacture a scapegoat, harness rage, and foment disorder.
Thus, suddenly transvestites doing library readings become a threat to the republic. (We’ve had Drag Queen Story Time in the Bay Area for over a decade without any ruckus.) Similarly, faux transphobia rage has been manufactured, targeting a group of people who are far more threatened than threatening. (These bullies, being contemptible insecure weaklings, of course target those they perceive as most helpless.)
This targeting happens because lies about what to fear work for demagogues. The “Red Scare” briefly made Joe McCarthy powerful. Racism has fueled many political careers. Father Coughlin and others harangued the public with blatant antisemitism.
Thus, today’s Republicans are compelled to resort to crude demagoguery.
What else do they have?
The Republicans of today have two terrible problems:
They don’t dare run on their actual agenda, because it is highly distasteful to large segments of the electorate. They have surrendered leadership to an embarrassingly incompetent and corrupt person incapable of management or statesmanship, who has contempt for democratic norms. These are major substantive problems. Thus, they have little choice except to resort to the most common cowardly, dishonest tactic of the demagogue: manufacture a scapegoat, harness rage, and foment disorder.
Thus, suddenly transvestites doing library readings become a threat to the republic. (We’ve had Drag Queen Story Time in the Bay Area for over a decade without any ruckus.) Similarly, faux transphobia rage has been manufactured, targeting a group of people who are far more threatened than threatening. (These bullies, being contemptible insecure weaklings, of course target those they perceive as most helpless.)
This targeting happens because lies about what to fear work for demagogues. The “Red Scare” briefly made Joe McCarthy powerful. Racism has fueled many political careers. Father Coughlin and others harangued the public with blatant antisemitism.
Thus, today’s Republicans are compelled to resort to crude demagoguery.
What else do they have?
Friday, March 22, 2024
Has a child ever made a random comment to you that changed your life for the better?
[Answered on Quora.com by Tripp Woode}
Most definitely. A seven year old boy that was a guest on my Alaskan Adventures boat started crying and reached for me to pick him up. I didn’t know his name, but I picked him up to comfort him. Between sobs, he asked, “Will you adopt me? You would have to take my brother, too.” I looked at their grandfather. He said, “You owe the boy an answer.” I was stunned. As Captain, I’ve come across different circumstances, but this one took the cake. I didn’t hesitate. “Of course I’d adopt the both of you. What are your names? “Michael and Tayler”.
I left port by myself, and came back with an instant family. The formal home study and adoption came later.
My boys are 16 and 18 now, and I thank God for that question. Tayler, the 16 year old, recently asked me if I knew when he decided I would be his Dad. He said “The moment I saw you - I just knew you were the one.” My reward? a dozen hugs and I love yous a day. My life was most definitely changed - for the better!
Most definitely. A seven year old boy that was a guest on my Alaskan Adventures boat started crying and reached for me to pick him up. I didn’t know his name, but I picked him up to comfort him. Between sobs, he asked, “Will you adopt me? You would have to take my brother, too.” I looked at their grandfather. He said, “You owe the boy an answer.” I was stunned. As Captain, I’ve come across different circumstances, but this one took the cake. I didn’t hesitate. “Of course I’d adopt the both of you. What are your names? “Michael and Tayler”.
I left port by myself, and came back with an instant family. The formal home study and adoption came later.
My boys are 16 and 18 now, and I thank God for that question. Tayler, the 16 year old, recently asked me if I knew when he decided I would be his Dad. He said “The moment I saw you - I just knew you were the one.” My reward? a dozen hugs and I love yous a day. My life was most definitely changed - for the better!
Wednesday, March 20, 2024
Sunday, March 17, 2024
As a liberal, have you ever read/listened to a news piece and thought, this is exactly what conservatives are talking about and I completely agree with them?
[Answered on Quora.com by Richard Francis White]
As a liberal and also as a former U.S. Army Intelligence analyst and counterintelligence agent, I often read/listen to an American “conservative” news piece and think this is exactly what MAGAites are talking about and how what they are talking about sounds just like the news pieces from the old Soviet Union, the old East Germany and the North Koreans.
In the days of the Soviet Union, the two main “news” sources were Pravda (Truth) and Izvestia {News). There was a common Russian expression in those days “I v novostyakh net pravdy i v pravde net novostey” which, roughly translated into English is “In News there is no Truth and in Truth there is no News”.
When I was an intelligence analyst, I would read and listen to the news sources of the Soviet Union, East Germany and North Korea to see what the enemies of my country are talking about.
Now I occasionally read and listen to American “conservative” news sources such as Fox, OAN, Newsmaxx, etc. to see what the enemies of my country are talking about.
As a liberal and also as a former U.S. Army Intelligence analyst and counterintelligence agent, I often read/listen to an American “conservative” news piece and think this is exactly what MAGAites are talking about and how what they are talking about sounds just like the news pieces from the old Soviet Union, the old East Germany and the North Koreans.
In the days of the Soviet Union, the two main “news” sources were Pravda (Truth) and Izvestia {News). There was a common Russian expression in those days “I v novostyakh net pravdy i v pravde net novostey” which, roughly translated into English is “In News there is no Truth and in Truth there is no News”.
When I was an intelligence analyst, I would read and listen to the news sources of the Soviet Union, East Germany and North Korea to see what the enemies of my country are talking about.
Now I occasionally read and listen to American “conservative” news sources such as Fox, OAN, Newsmaxx, etc. to see what the enemies of my country are talking about.
Monday, March 4, 2024
Can someone's frugality be determined by a single conversation, without observing their spending habits or interactions with others?
[Answered on Quora.com by Camilo M. Villanueva Jr.]
It's challenging to determine someone's frugality solely based on a single conversation without observing their spending habits or interactions with others. Frugality is a complex trait influenced by various factors, including personal values, financial circumstances, and individual behaviors.
During a single conversation, you may glean some insights into a person's attitudes or beliefs about money, such as their approach to budgeting, saving, or spending. However, these insights may not fully capture the extent of their frugality or financial habits.
Interactions with others, such as with waiters in restaurants, can provide additional context but may still offer limited insight into someone's overall frugality. For example, a person may appear frugal in their spending habits but be generous when tipping or treating others to meals as a way of expressing gratitude or building relationships.
To gain a more accurate understanding of someone's frugality, it's essential to consider multiple factors, including:
1. Observing Spending Habits: Pay attention to how they manage their finances, such as their willingness to splurge on certain items or their tendency to seek out bargains and discounts.
2. Assessing Lifestyle Choices: Consider their lifestyle choices and spending priorities, such as whether they prioritize experiences over material possessions or seek out cost-effective ways to enjoy activities and hobbies.
3. Evaluating Long-Term Financial Goals: Understand their long-term financial goals and strategies for achieving them, such as saving for retirement, investing in assets, or paying off debt.
4. Considering Cultural and Personal Influences: Recognize that frugality can be influenced by cultural norms, family upbringing, and individual values. What may appear frugal to one person may be considered extravagant to another, depending on their background and circumstances.
5. Engaging in Ongoing Dialogue: Foster open and honest conversations about money, values, and financial goals to deepen your understanding of someone's approach to frugality. Encourage them to share their perspectives and experiences to gain insight into their mindset and behaviors.
While a single conversation or observation may offer some clues about someone's frugality, it's essential to consider a broader range of factors and engage in ongoing dialogue to develop a more nuanced understanding of their financial habits and attitudes.
It's challenging to determine someone's frugality solely based on a single conversation without observing their spending habits or interactions with others. Frugality is a complex trait influenced by various factors, including personal values, financial circumstances, and individual behaviors.
During a single conversation, you may glean some insights into a person's attitudes or beliefs about money, such as their approach to budgeting, saving, or spending. However, these insights may not fully capture the extent of their frugality or financial habits.
Interactions with others, such as with waiters in restaurants, can provide additional context but may still offer limited insight into someone's overall frugality. For example, a person may appear frugal in their spending habits but be generous when tipping or treating others to meals as a way of expressing gratitude or building relationships.
To gain a more accurate understanding of someone's frugality, it's essential to consider multiple factors, including:
1. Observing Spending Habits: Pay attention to how they manage their finances, such as their willingness to splurge on certain items or their tendency to seek out bargains and discounts.
2. Assessing Lifestyle Choices: Consider their lifestyle choices and spending priorities, such as whether they prioritize experiences over material possessions or seek out cost-effective ways to enjoy activities and hobbies.
3. Evaluating Long-Term Financial Goals: Understand their long-term financial goals and strategies for achieving them, such as saving for retirement, investing in assets, or paying off debt.
4. Considering Cultural and Personal Influences: Recognize that frugality can be influenced by cultural norms, family upbringing, and individual values. What may appear frugal to one person may be considered extravagant to another, depending on their background and circumstances.
5. Engaging in Ongoing Dialogue: Foster open and honest conversations about money, values, and financial goals to deepen your understanding of someone's approach to frugality. Encourage them to share their perspectives and experiences to gain insight into their mindset and behaviors.
While a single conversation or observation may offer some clues about someone's frugality, it's essential to consider a broader range of factors and engage in ongoing dialogue to develop a more nuanced understanding of their financial habits and attitudes.
Friday, March 1, 2024
I celebrate the birth of my cat "Oliver" 13 years ago today
... or thereabouts.
I catpurred [captured: what a fortuitous typo flowed out of me!] this image of Ollie on his 12th birthday last year.
I enjoyed taking photos of Ollie on his birthdays, and on many other days and occasions.
Ollie enjoyed spending time with me, and with his cat friend Coco. They were a bonded pair ever since Coco was 10 weeks old. Ollie followed me around, all-day-each-day whenever possible, eagerly vocalizing and wanting to communicate - through sound and touch and warmth shared.
A disrespectful and dishonorable, uncaring person was responsible for the death of Ollie on Friday October 13, 2023.
Prior to that day and on that day, over more than 2 years, a nearby new tenant on the same property allowed her new resident vicious killer cat to attack my gentle senior kitty multiple times, leading to many significant injuries on Ollie and many expensive vet visits. Yes, Ollie should have been inside All The Time - but sometimes the killer cat would force his way into our personal space - and sometimes Ollie forced his way outside, when I would attempt to exit. $1200 here, $800 there, huge ouchies there and there ... "Thanks", fellow tenant, for the intense and repeated #FML experiences! You effed ALL OF US on site, repeatedly, so hard and so wrong!
I came upon the killing scene as it was happening. My cat was tortured to death, and died over a period of 4 hours, while cuddled in my arms and spooning bodily in bed - thanks to the long-term uncaring and disdainful actions of another person on the same property as me.
I catpurred [captured: what a fortuitous typo flowed out of me!] this image of Ollie on his 12th birthday last year.
I enjoyed taking photos of Ollie on his birthdays, and on many other days and occasions.
Ollie enjoyed spending time with me, and with his cat friend Coco. They were a bonded pair ever since Coco was 10 weeks old. Ollie followed me around, all-day-each-day whenever possible, eagerly vocalizing and wanting to communicate - through sound and touch and warmth shared.
A disrespectful and dishonorable, uncaring person was responsible for the death of Ollie on Friday October 13, 2023.
Prior to that day and on that day, over more than 2 years, a nearby new tenant on the same property allowed her new resident vicious killer cat to attack my gentle senior kitty multiple times, leading to many significant injuries on Ollie and many expensive vet visits. Yes, Ollie should have been inside All The Time - but sometimes the killer cat would force his way into our personal space - and sometimes Ollie forced his way outside, when I would attempt to exit. $1200 here, $800 there, huge ouchies there and there ... "Thanks", fellow tenant, for the intense and repeated #FML experiences! You effed ALL OF US on site, repeatedly, so hard and so wrong!
I came upon the killing scene as it was happening. My cat was tortured to death, and died over a period of 4 hours, while cuddled in my arms and spooning bodily in bed - thanks to the long-term uncaring and disdainful actions of another person on the same property as me.
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