Monday, October 30, 2023
Sunday, October 29, 2023
Should we put more pressure on women to be solo breadwinners so that equality can occur while men enjoy spending time at home?
[Answered on Quora.com by Feifei Wang]
Here’s an interesting research:
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/may/20/paid-paternity-leave-study-spain-men-fewer-children
Basically, Spain rolled out a policy that provides parental leave for both parents. While men do take advantage of this policy and spend more time with their newborns, they also express less desire to have additional children. As in, once they realize how much work is involved in raising a child, they themselves wouldn’t want more of that.
So, how is this related to your question?
I don’t think men want to spend time at home. That’s the fundamental mistake of your question. You think if given the time and opportunity, men WANT to stay home and do all the domestic labor for free like women have done since the beginning of time. And you would be wrong. Men don’t want that.
I’ve observed many of my male co-workers stay at the office well into the night, playing video games or reading Reddit while their wives took care of the children at home. They would call their wives, telling them they’re doing overtime because of this or that project. Mind you, these are happy couples. Or at least, from my observation of them on their social media or at company events and the fact that they stayed together.
Men don’t want to spend time at home because house chores are never fun or enjoyable. Even if the wives are responsible for the majority (if not all) of the household's domestic labor, the husbands still don’t want to be in an environment where the baby is crying, and the wife is nagging.
The simple truth is that most men do not like women. They want wives and children because they’re socialized very early on during their childhood that having a woman who bears them children is what they are entitled to by simply being a man. They grow up in a family where women do most of the housework, and naturally, they believe a house would be automatically clean and well managed. When they go out and live as bachelors, they realize how much their lives would be better if they had a maid, nanny, therapist, and cook who provided sexual services at night. Even with that, they don’t want to go home and spend time there because they need their “peace and quiet.”
There have been so many anecdotal stories told by solo-breadwinner women about how their unemployed husbands would stay home and play video games all day without doing anything around the house, or the husbands grew resentful of their wives, who are more successful than them.
No. The problem isn’t women being breadwinners. The problem is how men were raised since childhood. The problem is how society teaches men to be entitled to a wife while never teaching them how to deal with their emotions or do any housework. I’m not talking about giving them a list. I’m talking about teaching men to generate the housework list themselves and understand the simple concept that “THIS IS YOUR FUCKING HOUSE, YOU FUCKING LIVE HERE TOO.”
Until we socialize boys and girls the same way, women being the solo breadwinners in the household will only lead to women working for their paying jobs for 8 hours, going home, and continuing their domestic unpaid labor for another 8 hours.
Men do not want to spend time at home. They like the idea of a home where they can relax while services are being provided to them.
Here’s an interesting research:
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/may/20/paid-paternity-leave-study-spain-men-fewer-children
Basically, Spain rolled out a policy that provides parental leave for both parents. While men do take advantage of this policy and spend more time with their newborns, they also express less desire to have additional children. As in, once they realize how much work is involved in raising a child, they themselves wouldn’t want more of that.
So, how is this related to your question?
I don’t think men want to spend time at home. That’s the fundamental mistake of your question. You think if given the time and opportunity, men WANT to stay home and do all the domestic labor for free like women have done since the beginning of time. And you would be wrong. Men don’t want that.
I’ve observed many of my male co-workers stay at the office well into the night, playing video games or reading Reddit while their wives took care of the children at home. They would call their wives, telling them they’re doing overtime because of this or that project. Mind you, these are happy couples. Or at least, from my observation of them on their social media or at company events and the fact that they stayed together.
Men don’t want to spend time at home because house chores are never fun or enjoyable. Even if the wives are responsible for the majority (if not all) of the household's domestic labor, the husbands still don’t want to be in an environment where the baby is crying, and the wife is nagging.
The simple truth is that most men do not like women. They want wives and children because they’re socialized very early on during their childhood that having a woman who bears them children is what they are entitled to by simply being a man. They grow up in a family where women do most of the housework, and naturally, they believe a house would be automatically clean and well managed. When they go out and live as bachelors, they realize how much their lives would be better if they had a maid, nanny, therapist, and cook who provided sexual services at night. Even with that, they don’t want to go home and spend time there because they need their “peace and quiet.”
There have been so many anecdotal stories told by solo-breadwinner women about how their unemployed husbands would stay home and play video games all day without doing anything around the house, or the husbands grew resentful of their wives, who are more successful than them.
No. The problem isn’t women being breadwinners. The problem is how men were raised since childhood. The problem is how society teaches men to be entitled to a wife while never teaching them how to deal with their emotions or do any housework. I’m not talking about giving them a list. I’m talking about teaching men to generate the housework list themselves and understand the simple concept that “THIS IS YOUR FUCKING HOUSE, YOU FUCKING LIVE HERE TOO.”
Until we socialize boys and girls the same way, women being the solo breadwinners in the household will only lead to women working for their paying jobs for 8 hours, going home, and continuing their domestic unpaid labor for another 8 hours.
Men do not want to spend time at home. They like the idea of a home where they can relax while services are being provided to them.
Thursday, October 26, 2023
Is forced fingering or oral sex (given and received) rape?
[Answered on Quora.com by Davis T.]
The use of erogenous zones or genitals without consent is always rape.
Penis in mouth, vagina, anus, on hands, legs, breasts without consent is rape. Ejaculating onto someone without consent is also sexual assault (rape and sexual assault have little to no difference legally).
Finger in mouth, vagina, anus, breasts or illicit touching anywhere can be considered sexual assault.
Inserting an object into a person is a sexual assault.
Forcibly giving someone oral sex (so mouth on the penis, clitoris, vagina or nipples of a person) is also sexual assault, i.e. rape.
In general, don´t touch someone in any way without their consent.
The use of erogenous zones or genitals without consent is always rape.
Penis in mouth, vagina, anus, on hands, legs, breasts without consent is rape. Ejaculating onto someone without consent is also sexual assault (rape and sexual assault have little to no difference legally).
Finger in mouth, vagina, anus, breasts or illicit touching anywhere can be considered sexual assault.
Inserting an object into a person is a sexual assault.
Forcibly giving someone oral sex (so mouth on the penis, clitoris, vagina or nipples of a person) is also sexual assault, i.e. rape.
In general, don´t touch someone in any way without their consent.
Monday, October 23, 2023
Why do parents give kids bottles and pacifiers until they are 4?
[Answered by Tracy Wood on Quora.com]
My daughter was 3.5 and I told her, this is the last pacifier, when this one is broken, you do not get a new one. And of course, the inevitable happened.
She couldn't sleep, crying her eyes out, she was inconsolable and so sad in and out, it broke my heart. But I said, I wouldn't buy a new pacifier. So I called my mom and told her what happened and asked her to buy a new one for her.
You really should have been there to see her little face when grandma gave her a new one, indescribably happy.
She knew that this was really the last one, and she treated it like a treasure. She kept it in her hand while falling asleep, gave it a little kiss or a lick, and it was handled with the best care ever.
A few months later, she became 4 and I made a nice bowl to put it in on the bedside table.
The last pacifier was never actually used.
Some kids don't want it at all, some will find trust in it a long time, but I never have seen a teenager with a pacifier, so eventually they all stop using one in their own time.
My daughter was 3.5 and I told her, this is the last pacifier, when this one is broken, you do not get a new one. And of course, the inevitable happened.
She couldn't sleep, crying her eyes out, she was inconsolable and so sad in and out, it broke my heart. But I said, I wouldn't buy a new pacifier. So I called my mom and told her what happened and asked her to buy a new one for her.
You really should have been there to see her little face when grandma gave her a new one, indescribably happy.
She knew that this was really the last one, and she treated it like a treasure. She kept it in her hand while falling asleep, gave it a little kiss or a lick, and it was handled with the best care ever.
A few months later, she became 4 and I made a nice bowl to put it in on the bedside table.
The last pacifier was never actually used.
Some kids don't want it at all, some will find trust in it a long time, but I never have seen a teenager with a pacifier, so eventually they all stop using one in their own time.
Tuesday, October 17, 2023
Friday, October 13, 2023
Breaking the Ties (from daily ACA email)
"As children we are tied to our families by our physical needs."
Many of us lived our childhood thinking what happened to us was our fault. But we existed at the whim of others. We were able to eat, but the price was being shamed by an angry parent or ignored by one who was self-involved. Some of us felt we were only given a place to sleep if we didn't talk about the abuse going on in our house. We blamed ourselves because we had no other way of understanding the situation.
Today, as we see our childhood for what it was, we learn to replace the abuse by cultivating an inner loving parent. This parent protects our Inner Child and allows us to sit with things until they sort themselves out. We don't jump to conclusions or overreach for an outcome that we can't see. If we don't know what to do, we call someone and get help to turn it over. We allow our feelings to flow freely. It is cathartic.
No longer are we tied to our families in an unhealthy way. We focus on ourselves and begin to accept a Higher Power of our understanding. We don't rush to judgment when there is no clarity. We are a part of an awesome universe and we know we can't see all sides of it at once. We accept that we are where we need to be for today.
On this day my inner loving parent creates boundaries that make my Inner Child feel safe and whole, regardless of what's going on around me.
Many of us lived our childhood thinking what happened to us was our fault. But we existed at the whim of others. We were able to eat, but the price was being shamed by an angry parent or ignored by one who was self-involved. Some of us felt we were only given a place to sleep if we didn't talk about the abuse going on in our house. We blamed ourselves because we had no other way of understanding the situation.
Today, as we see our childhood for what it was, we learn to replace the abuse by cultivating an inner loving parent. This parent protects our Inner Child and allows us to sit with things until they sort themselves out. We don't jump to conclusions or overreach for an outcome that we can't see. If we don't know what to do, we call someone and get help to turn it over. We allow our feelings to flow freely. It is cathartic.
No longer are we tied to our families in an unhealthy way. We focus on ourselves and begin to accept a Higher Power of our understanding. We don't rush to judgment when there is no clarity. We are a part of an awesome universe and we know we can't see all sides of it at once. We accept that we are where we need to be for today.
On this day my inner loving parent creates boundaries that make my Inner Child feel safe and whole, regardless of what's going on around me.
Thursday, October 12, 2023
Why is life too short not to be in love?
[Answered on Quora.com by Maqbool Ahmed Dhawla - lightly edited by Anna]
The structure of the sentence is not becoming. It may have been, “ Why is life too short to fall in love?” The word, “ not” after “ too” is unwarranted. It has made this sentence almost meaningless.
Yes, life is too short to fall in love with anyone. You need a longer life - or at least you desire a longer span, larger than life, for this sweet task.
But you won’t agree with it. [An]other implication: you may mean that life is too short and can’t be wasted upon such a frivolous thing like love. The use of word “not” suggests you wanted to convey this sense.
At the end, we have discovered what exactly you want to convey. Probably, you want to say that human life is too short to indulge in love affair[s], because we have other important tasks ahead.
For example, If there is an issue of very survival, you will have to earn your bread first instead of infesting [investing?!] your mind with [a] love affair. If you are put in jail by authorities for a criminal case, you think about how to get rid of that, instead of falling in love with a pretty girl. If you are suffering from a painful disease, [the] cure is your love, not a fiancée. A hungry man will say two plus two make four breads. This is also called love of need. You love what is directly needed by you. You love food when you are hungry. You love drinks when you are thirsty. You love relief when you feel pains. You love honour when put into insult. You love peace when put into danger. Love is not restricted to countable situations. It has countless and immeasurable manifestations.
You love your self.
You love your family.
You love your profession.
You love your country.
You love humanity.
You love the creator of the universe.
You love [your?] religion.
You love your ideology.
Love is a feeling.
Sexual love is a kind of love.
Love has countless manifestations.
Life is love.
Love is life.
The whole universe is bound in love.
Galaxies are moving around in love.
The structure of atoms is based on love.
Love is energy.
Love is gravitation.
Our existence is the result of Allah’s love.
The whole universe is created in love.
Love is life and construction; hatred is death and destruction.
Therefore, it is totally wrong to say that life is too short to fall in love with anyone. Life is not separable from love. Love is not only for falling in love with the opposite sex. Sexual love, as I mentioned, is one manifestation of love. It is also very much cherished and required in human life. Nature has created a great attraction for opposites. Human love for humans is the most enjoyable feeling. This is a sacred feeling. It makes life more meaningful. You sacrifice your peace, wealth, time and priorities for another human being. You expound your views and feelings, infusing self-destruction, to find a new dimension in life, and a new energy. You convey your love with gestures, words and sometimes by silence [and via smiles and other good intentions! - Anna]. This provides your mind and heart with most divergent, colourful, deep and energetic experiences. Your warmth, vigour, vitality, cheerfulness and pleasantries increase manifold.
Really, life is too short over the planet to enjoy love. It is an eternal feeling and needs eternal life. Life in paradise is nothing but a manifestation of love.
Hope this will suffice.
The structure of the sentence is not becoming. It may have been, “ Why is life too short to fall in love?” The word, “ not” after “ too” is unwarranted. It has made this sentence almost meaningless.
Yes, life is too short to fall in love with anyone. You need a longer life - or at least you desire a longer span, larger than life, for this sweet task.
But you won’t agree with it. [An]other implication: you may mean that life is too short and can’t be wasted upon such a frivolous thing like love. The use of word “not” suggests you wanted to convey this sense.
At the end, we have discovered what exactly you want to convey. Probably, you want to say that human life is too short to indulge in love affair[s], because we have other important tasks ahead.
For example, If there is an issue of very survival, you will have to earn your bread first instead of infesting [investing?!] your mind with [a] love affair. If you are put in jail by authorities for a criminal case, you think about how to get rid of that, instead of falling in love with a pretty girl. If you are suffering from a painful disease, [the] cure is your love, not a fiancée. A hungry man will say two plus two make four breads. This is also called love of need. You love what is directly needed by you. You love food when you are hungry. You love drinks when you are thirsty. You love relief when you feel pains. You love honour when put into insult. You love peace when put into danger. Love is not restricted to countable situations. It has countless and immeasurable manifestations.
You love your self.
You love your family.
You love your profession.
You love your country.
You love humanity.
You love the creator of the universe.
You love [your?] religion.
You love your ideology.
Love is a feeling.
Sexual love is a kind of love.
Love has countless manifestations.
Life is love.
Love is life.
The whole universe is bound in love.
Galaxies are moving around in love.
The structure of atoms is based on love.
Love is energy.
Love is gravitation.
Our existence is the result of Allah’s love.
The whole universe is created in love.
Love is life and construction; hatred is death and destruction.
Therefore, it is totally wrong to say that life is too short to fall in love with anyone. Life is not separable from love. Love is not only for falling in love with the opposite sex. Sexual love, as I mentioned, is one manifestation of love. It is also very much cherished and required in human life. Nature has created a great attraction for opposites. Human love for humans is the most enjoyable feeling. This is a sacred feeling. It makes life more meaningful. You sacrifice your peace, wealth, time and priorities for another human being. You expound your views and feelings, infusing self-destruction, to find a new dimension in life, and a new energy. You convey your love with gestures, words and sometimes by silence [and via smiles and other good intentions! - Anna]. This provides your mind and heart with most divergent, colourful, deep and energetic experiences. Your warmth, vigour, vitality, cheerfulness and pleasantries increase manifold.
Really, life is too short over the planet to enjoy love. It is an eternal feeling and needs eternal life. Life in paradise is nothing but a manifestation of love.
Hope this will suffice.
Thursday, October 5, 2023
What are some of the subtle signs that tell you someone you're interested in will break your heart?
What are some of the subtle signs that tell you someone you're interested in will break your heart? I'm not talking about obvious red flags, but someone who has nothing in her past that makes her an obvious no-no.
[Answered on Quora.com by Dushka Zapata]
Let me make this both easy and infallible.
Date her. Don’t date her. Either way I guarantee your heart is never safe.
This girl with the impeccable past and intriguing disposition - or the girl that comes after, maybe - will hurt you.
Then, you will put into place a million safeguards and precautions and dive right into marrying the wrong person.
Or, worse. You will marry the perfect wide-eyed girl and the bad guy will turn out to be you.
Someone you love is going to disappoint you, and if you are lucky it will be in a big way.
This is because being disappointed in a thousand nameless, secret ways can be even more disheartening.
Back to who will disappoint you. I can even predict who.
Everyone. Everyone you love.
No one can live up to the expectations we refuse to see we have.
If you do nothing and retreat and remain circumscribed to your living room and forever stay away from this girl you wish you could decode, your heart will break anyway.
The worst kind of heart hardening, or heart demolishing, or total disintegration, is to be so cautious that you miss everything that is beautiful.
Please, give yourself over to this girl who interests you. Risk everything for her. Lay with her still in the dark, taking in her smell and caress her hair and whisper these words to yourself: You are not safe. You are not safe. Not ever.
Now please. Go live your life. Don’t miss the very best part of it just because you are afraid.
[Answered on Quora.com by Dushka Zapata]
Let me make this both easy and infallible.
Date her. Don’t date her. Either way I guarantee your heart is never safe.
This girl with the impeccable past and intriguing disposition - or the girl that comes after, maybe - will hurt you.
Then, you will put into place a million safeguards and precautions and dive right into marrying the wrong person.
Or, worse. You will marry the perfect wide-eyed girl and the bad guy will turn out to be you.
Someone you love is going to disappoint you, and if you are lucky it will be in a big way.
This is because being disappointed in a thousand nameless, secret ways can be even more disheartening.
Back to who will disappoint you. I can even predict who.
Everyone. Everyone you love.
No one can live up to the expectations we refuse to see we have.
If you do nothing and retreat and remain circumscribed to your living room and forever stay away from this girl you wish you could decode, your heart will break anyway.
The worst kind of heart hardening, or heart demolishing, or total disintegration, is to be so cautious that you miss everything that is beautiful.
Please, give yourself over to this girl who interests you. Risk everything for her. Lay with her still in the dark, taking in her smell and caress her hair and whisper these words to yourself: You are not safe. You are not safe. Not ever.
Now please. Go live your life. Don’t miss the very best part of it just because you are afraid.
Wednesday, October 4, 2023
Why do the British say "I need the loo" instead of "I need to use the restroom"?
[Answered on Quora.com by Colin Riegels]
It’s like the old joke about the two ways British men will tell their date that they need to go to the toilet.
A working-class British man will say: “I need to go and take a piss.”
An upper class British man will say: “Will you please excuse me - I just need to go and shake hands with an old friend, whom I hope to be able to introduce you to later.”
It’s like the old joke about the two ways British men will tell their date that they need to go to the toilet.
A working-class British man will say: “I need to go and take a piss.”
An upper class British man will say: “Will you please excuse me - I just need to go and shake hands with an old friend, whom I hope to be able to introduce you to later.”
Sunday, October 1, 2023
October 1, with memories of meeting a Good Human
“I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.” ― L. M. Montgomery
Continuing the pleasant early-autumn feeling with a heartwarming anecdote:
Yesterday [still during the enjoyable month of September] I was aided by a helpful human called Russ Warrick, a Realtor in Morgan Hill CA.
At 16+ miles, I had hiked too far for my current fitness level: the knees were feeling too painful to continue walking much longer.
I thought I had been hiking a short loop trail, but a tree was down and had closed one trail segment I needed, and I next mislocated myself at a trail junction, and then the problem continued to compound.
[This was at Rancho Cañada del Oro Open Space Preserve and Calero County Park.]
I finally came out on a busy road, though still more than 6 miles from my car.
My phone was dead from attempted map use - so there was no calling a driver.
I was thinking my options were getting desperate, with evening coming soon.
I stuck out my thumb to hitchhike.
"In today's world? Really, Anna?!"
(Yes, really. I was getting desperate.)
After losing hope, I only rarely faced towards some of the oncoming cars, with my thumb up, as I walked in the direction of my car. Mostly I turned and looked back at the road when an approaching vehicle was so loud that I thought my safety deserved top consideration, so I'd turn and look and make my front side face the road, or I'd back away from the road, when possible.
So many cars had whizzed by me at 55+ mph, just inches away.
Zoom, whoosh!
Finally a car stopped. Really?!
Yes, really.
And I could discern that it wasn't a beater, sketchy car or driver. Bonus! ;-)
Russ stopped to help me, after I had already given up hope.
The driver told me he couldn't believe that a person was hitchhiking, in this day and age.
I said I wouldn't have tried to do it, were I not desperate.
The driver said he wanted to stop to help me so that he could be sure that it would be a GOOD person who was stopping to aid me!
Russ drove me all the way to my car. I drove away whole, and in peace, with my worries fading into the past.
You could check out Russ' Realty page, if interested:
russwarrick.com
Isn't it best to do business with a person of integrity and kindness?
I think that Russ Warrick is a human being of integrity and caring! He sure helped me on September 30.
I will be grateful to Russ for the rest of my life, that my September 30 experience got much better instead of much worse.
"Bless you" <- "Yes, I already know that I've been richly blessed." ;-)
Continuing the pleasant early-autumn feeling with a heartwarming anecdote:
Yesterday [still during the enjoyable month of September] I was aided by a helpful human called Russ Warrick, a Realtor in Morgan Hill CA.
At 16+ miles, I had hiked too far for my current fitness level: the knees were feeling too painful to continue walking much longer.
I thought I had been hiking a short loop trail, but a tree was down and had closed one trail segment I needed, and I next mislocated myself at a trail junction, and then the problem continued to compound.
[This was at Rancho Cañada del Oro Open Space Preserve and Calero County Park.]
I finally came out on a busy road, though still more than 6 miles from my car.
My phone was dead from attempted map use - so there was no calling a driver.
I was thinking my options were getting desperate, with evening coming soon.
I stuck out my thumb to hitchhike.
"In today's world? Really, Anna?!"
(Yes, really. I was getting desperate.)
After losing hope, I only rarely faced towards some of the oncoming cars, with my thumb up, as I walked in the direction of my car. Mostly I turned and looked back at the road when an approaching vehicle was so loud that I thought my safety deserved top consideration, so I'd turn and look and make my front side face the road, or I'd back away from the road, when possible.
So many cars had whizzed by me at 55+ mph, just inches away.
Zoom, whoosh!
Finally a car stopped. Really?!
Yes, really.
And I could discern that it wasn't a beater, sketchy car or driver. Bonus! ;-)
Russ stopped to help me, after I had already given up hope.
The driver told me he couldn't believe that a person was hitchhiking, in this day and age.
I said I wouldn't have tried to do it, were I not desperate.
The driver said he wanted to stop to help me so that he could be sure that it would be a GOOD person who was stopping to aid me!
Russ drove me all the way to my car. I drove away whole, and in peace, with my worries fading into the past.
You could check out Russ' Realty page, if interested:
russwarrick.com
Isn't it best to do business with a person of integrity and kindness?
I think that Russ Warrick is a human being of integrity and caring! He sure helped me on September 30.
I will be grateful to Russ for the rest of my life, that my September 30 experience got much better instead of much worse.
"Bless you" <- "Yes, I already know that I've been richly blessed." ;-)
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