Tolerating the Unacceptable (from daily ACA email)

"We will see how our low self-esteem has us judging ourselves mercilessly, giving others the benefit of the doubt, and tolerating inappropriate behavior."

Many of us were taught that it was virtuous to "put up with" whatever was doled out, shut up about whatever was going on, and deny our feelings in the process. This led us to doubt our own perceptions, which led us to doubt our own self-worth. Because we actually survived, some of us interpreted our ability to deal with unacceptable situations as resilience.

Unfortunately, we didn't learn that it was acceptable to set boundaries and limits, and that it was okay to say "no" to unacceptable behavior. We don't have to be stoic, or pretend that things don't bother us when they do. We don't have to apologize for stuff that's not ours or feel ashamed when we feel triggered. We have the right to our reality, our experiences, and our feelings.

With the help of our recovery support system, we are now learning to trust, to feel, and to talk; this is a wonderful way to live. We can surround ourselves with people who listen to us and acknowledge our feelings. We can be more human, vulnerable, and safe.

On this day I remind myself that being resilient (tolerating abuse) is not the way I want to live my life. I can relax and trust safe people.

Will child-free people get lonely in old age without kids?

Answered by Bree Leeland via Qoura.com
I have kids and I get lonely.

My kids went to the best schools, had a college fund, and both were gifted a car upon graduation from college. As they grew up, I took them camping and taught them to fish, hunt, and survive.

My kids don’t call, write or visit. I see my grandkids once or twice a year …

You can sacrifice 100% for your kids, and still be alone in old age. No worries. I stay busy.

I have kids and I get lonely.

My kids went to the best schools, had a college fund, and both were gifted a car upon graduation from college. As they grew up, I took them camping and taught them to fish, hunt, and survive.

My kids don’t call, write or visit. I see my grandkids once or twice a year …

You can sacrifice 100% for your kids, and still be alone in old age. No worries. I stay busy.

Two Things That Deeply Psychologically Change a Person

BAP "Aff un zo"

Aff un zo ess alles herrlich, aff un zo och janz erbärmlich,
Aff un zo jeht einfach alles schief.
Aff un zo hätt mer verloore, aff un zo weed mer öm sieh Glöck bedroore,
Aff un zo hällt mer die Uhre stief. Manchmohl nimmste alles leich un
Manchmohl fällt dir alles furchtbar schwer. Et selve Glas kann morjens
Halvvoll sinn un ohvends ess et dann halvleer. Manchmohl schweb mer
En Jedanke op Wolke un steht met singe Fööß em Dreck. Et kütt vüür,
Dat mer nit wiggerweiß un et dann klapp em selve Augebleck, em selve
Augebleck. Aff un zo föhlt mer sich schutzlos, aff un zo einsam un nutzlos,
Aff un zo, wenn einer frööch: " Okay!" Aff un zo ess mer dä Eezte,
Aff un zo natürlich och ald ens dä Letzte, aff un zo deit mer sich selver leid.
Jede Minsch mäht schon ens Fähler, selvs dä Einstein hätt sich ens verdonn.
Nur eins darf mer nit verjesse: Et jeht wigger hinger'm Horizont,
Hinger'm Horizont. Aff un zo steht mer vüür'm Spejel un denk:
" Du kriss nix jeregelt!" Aff un zo sieht mer rundömm kei Land.
Aff un zo ess mer ahm schänge, aff un zo sing eij'ne Zweifel ahm verdränge,
Aff un zo ess mer total entspannt. Aff un zo läuf alles super,
Aff un zo ess mer dä Loser, aff un zo steht mer sich selvs em Wääsch.
Aff un zo deit dir ding Seel wieh. Aff un zo hätt mer janz einfach keine
Plan mieh, aff un zo jeht et uns janit schlääsch.

Oi Va Voi "7 brothers"

Porcupine Tree "In Formaldehyde"

Lou Reed "Perfect Day"

Sarcasm - treated on Quora.com

Do you know why your dad stopped loving your mother?

[Answered by Caroline on Quora.com]

He didn't. They were together for over 60 years. After his death, she found a folder in which he had painstakingly put together a guide to everything she would ever need to do after his death. Not just the funeral stuff but what bills needed to be paid and when, how often to test the smoke alarm, people's birthdays. Literally everything. This may sound a bit patronising but my mother, while a lovely woman, had no idea how to change a light bulb. He was a kind and devoted husband and I am proud to have been his daughter.

Ella Fitzgerald "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"

Girls Who Read

Step Six (from daily ACA email)

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

We may have balked at the words "character defects." Wouldn't a more appropriate term be "character defenses?" Didn't they get us through an unlivable situation? Wasn't the destruction we experienced part and parcel of surviving a hostile environment?

But whether we call them defects or defenses, we finally realize they don't work in our lives anymore, that we are ready to put them down. We begin to ask our Higher Power to remove these things as we are ready to give them up. The process becomes intuitive as we continue to work the Steps, become sponsors, and see the positive effects the program has on ourselves and others.

We shed our coping mechanisms as we see them for what they really are. We can't believe we haven't seen them before, but now we know and won't go back. This new way of life is based on accountability. We cultivate our inner loving parent and show our Inner Child we can be trusted. Just as a healthy parent sets safe boundaries for a child, we set boundaries for ourselves. Our hurt parts no longer run the show. Our Inner Child walks into the love and flourishes.

On this day I become willing to examine and remove the next defect that I'm tired of carrying around.

Esbjörn Svensson Trio "Elevation of Love"

Dandy Warhols "Good Morning"


Airbag "All Rights Removed"


Folk Implosion "Insinuation"


P.J. Harvey "We Float"

Lafayette Gilchrist "Assume the Position"

The Church "Antenna"


NEU! "Hallogallo"


Mint Royale "From Rusholme With Love"