Genesis "Domino" (Parts 1 & 2) [released 1986]

The grey of evening fills the room
There's no need to look outside
To see or feel the rain
And I reach across to touch her
But I know that she's not there
Rain keeps running down the window pane
Time is running out for me
Can't you see what you are doing to me?
Can't you see what you have done?
As I try to pass another long and sleepless night
A hundred crazy voices call my name
As I try to pass them by
I almost can believe that she is here
In the glow of the night
Do you know what you have done?
Do you know what you've begun?
Do you see we shall never be together again?
All of my life
For the lonely people, empty rooms
And all the pointless violence, silent tombs
Could it be that we shall be together again?
Sheets of double glazing help to keep outside the night
Only foreign city sirens can cut through
Nylon sheets and blankets help to minimize the cold
But they can't keep out the chilling sounds
Will the nightmare soon give way to dreaming
That she is here with me?
Here in the glow of the night
Do you know what you have done?
Do you know what you've begun?
Do you see we shall never be together again?
All of my life
For the lonely people, empty rooms
And all the pointless violence, silent tombs
Could it be that we shall be together again?
Could it be that we shall be together again?
In silence and darkness
We held each other near that night
We prayed it would last forever
Blood on the windows
Millions of ordinary people are there
They gaze at the scenery
They act as if it is perfectly clear
Take a look at the mountains
Take a look at the beautiful river of blood
The liquid surrounds me
I fight to rise from this river of hell
I stare 'round about me
Children are swimming and playing with boats
Their features are changing
Their bodies dissolve and I am alone
Now see what you've gone and done
Now see what you've gone and done
Well now you never did see such a terrible thing
As was seen last night on the TV
Maybe if we're lucky, they will show it again
Such a terrible thing to see - oh!
But there's nothing you can do when you're the next in line
You've got to go domino
Now I'm one with the living and I'm feeling just fine
I know just what I got to do
Play the game of happiness and never let on
That it only lives on in a song - oh!
There's nothing you can do when you're the next in line
You've got to go domino
Do you know what you have done?
Do you know what you've begun?
In silence and darkness
Hold each other near tonight
For will it last forever
Will it last forever?
Forever
There's nothing you can do when you're the next in line
You've got to go domino
Do you know
Do you know
Do you know what you have done?
Do you see what you've begun?
'Cause there's nothing, nothing, nothing -
There's nothing you can do
There's nothing you can do
Do you see, do you see what you've done?

Feeling Understood

We used to make excuses for people when we said things like, "Oh, they don't know any better." There may be a lot of truth in that statement, but it feels like we were saying, "They just didn't see me when they ran me over, so it's okay." Just because someone is a family member doesn't mean we should accept the unacceptable, including subtle things like them not really hearing us, or less subtle things like having them label us as over-reactive.

We can now tell whether we're being heard or not. We realize that others don't have to agree with us, but they may not disrespect us. We recognize our needs and start to speak up for ourselves. We are learning to live a healthy emotional life, no longer wishing to be around denial and shame. We let go of those who can't journey onwards with us because we cannot carry them while we are climbing to the heights we need to keep our heads above water. We may reconnect with them later, but that will be our choice.

Before recovery, we may have spent all our energy on our families because we thought that was what we were supposed to do. Now we give our "gifts" to those who can appreciate and actually understand them.

On this day I choose to spend my time and energy on those who wish to make this journey with me. I deserve to be heard and loved for who I am.

Dissociation

"Because we shut out our parents when we were children, we tend to shut out people as adults."

Surviving childhood in a dysfunctional household required many of us to use a number of coping mechanisms to maintain any semblance of sanity. One was our ability to dissociate (separate mentally or emotionally) from what was happening around us or to us. Although dissociation helped us survive then, as adults it closes us off from the possibility of having healthy relationships.

Sometimes fear of rejection motivates us to dissociate, so we distract ourselves because if we don't feel, then we hope we won't experience any pain. But dissociation also deprives us of healthy joy.

Sometimes our hypervigilance causes us to constantly monitor our surroundings for signs of trickery or slights. But it can also deprive us of the opportunity to make good friends.

With these dysfunctional filters, we can misread the words or actions of others as an assault, causing us to become defensive, go on the offensive and shut down completely.

As we peel back the layers of our childhood survival traits, we learn to sort out what no longer works in our adult lives. We leave behind traits that no longer serve us. We gratefully see how this program gives us the strength to change and the courage to be open to others. We no longer wish to be alone.

On this day I will be kind to myself if I find myself dissociating. I will be open to people and new experiences.